parev

limy body is getting Big because I’m gaining muscle from BIKING like fuck my legs are intense rn but i’m also gaining fat from binge eating lol

Like I literally haven’t gone more than 3 days without binging since the beginning of July

It’s like not even emotional binging or even like compulsive its me being insatiably hungry and then I eat so much my stomach hurts

But I’m definitely overeating... like a shit ton..., Like I assume I’m burning ~2500? calories in a day (biking, standing for 8 hours, walking, passing the fuck out) but i’m surely eating a LOT more than that. so maybe I just need to have foods I can eat like a metric fuckton of without ingesting too many more calories. 

like todays intake:

- spinach, vanilla plant protein, mango/strawberry smoothie

- chocolate croissant

- chocolate almond milk (so fucking good one of the barista makes it for me after m shift i cry every time)

- kale, quinoa, chickpeas, hummus, mushroom onion salad thingy

- 1 whole mango

- 1 pint of blackberries

- an entire spinach borek (like a whole fucking spiral... from the balkan place)

- 4? bowls of bran with peanut butter and coconut, almond milk

like this is an incredibly large amount of food. I've gained about 5 ish pounds since being home (though my weight has fluctuated from 129 to 136 depending on the time of day/if i’ve pooped/etc,) though honestly i’m eating so fucking much, so often i’m surprised it’s not MORE

my belly is definitely poofier, i attribute this to eating more sugar than i do at school (at school i would not eat muffins, chocolate milk, pastries, etc. all that often but here I do because of my job LMAO)

i saw the pic of me and my coworkers/friends (if you have me on fb you know the one) and i was like, fuck, i look fat? but i think it’s just the ANGLE because in other pics i’ve taken i don’t look like that haha. but i’m definitely “BIGGER” than i was, but i don’t feel FAT, like i’m weighing about what i did around april, but i was also lifting a lot then so maybe i had more muscle?

anyways bodies are SO weird

i think i am just going to try and forget as much as i can about looks, weight, etc. and just focus on NOT binging because this is obviously creating negative habits, even if i’m not necessarily emotionally eating...

I have a Big Fat Crush on one of my bosses 

- today he viewed my snap story (okay he’s really young and all of my coworkers have him on snap too lol) before my Fuck Boy did LMAO

- after work today, my other boss asked me “You’re leaving soon, right?” and then “Do you think [Crush Boss] is doing a good job leading the meetings?”

me: HE’S SCOPING OUT TO SEE IF I LIKE HIM AND IF HE CAN FRICK ME BEFORE I LEAVE

apparently I have mono I posted on snapchat about it and the boy that I fucked and have since had this weirdish relationship with asked me if I "got it from somebody" that means he is jealous Right Right

my throat is really gross again and my tonsils are so swollen I can't breathe and I have a head ache I'm calling in sick to work tomorrow and I'm going to the walk in clinic Also I'm gonna ask them to test me for gonorrhea of the throat lol I'm REALLY REALLY paranoid That would happen to me tho Sucks one dick ONCE Gets gonorrhea

I ate more than a cup of peanut butter and almost half a cup of jelly WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY okay I know I have to not be to hard on myself bc it will make it worse I think it's a combination of emotional eating and under eating during the day at work and then over eating when I come home and then it just spirals out of control.