things I’ve said that my students have found funny:
- You’re not allowed to die in this classroom
- If you yeet any of the lab equipment across the room, you will be yeeted to the principal’s office
- [on how old I am]: I lost count after a few thousand years
- whenever they do an online lab: this is better than fortnite isn’t it
- [to a student, upon realizing they completed their practice problems all wrong]: that’s a rip in the chat
- If it wasn’t for strong force holding your atoms together your matter would disintegrate away like when Thanos snapped his fingers
- In the event that the sun does blow up, the good thing is light takes seven minutes to travel from the sun so you wouldn’t see the explosion coming to incinerate you
- [to two students who love to get under each other’s skin]: this is your lane (I traced a circle around their desk) and that is yours (as I traced a circle around their desk) stay in them
- You’d probably turn into spaghetti if you went into a black hole but it wouldn’t be the edible kind
- [when checking in on groups] is everything gucci
- [a student asks me if I could look something up on my computer when I’m taking attendance]: I don’t know what the internet is
SOME FOLLOW-UPS:
- there was this kid who asked me every day how many times I’ve won at fortnite which I never answered until the end of the year when I finally said, “More times than you ever will” to which he proceeded to lie down on the floor of my classroom for a full minute while his friends laughed
- [whenever I’m greeted by sleepy grunts instead of “good morning” in first period]: I know, I left my soul in bed this morning too
- the energy field of two attracting magnets are like that annoying couple that overdoes the PDA, while the field of two repelling magnets is the same couple after they break up
- there are two kids in one of my classes who are into k-pop and they always put LOONA as their nickname for jeopardy or kahoot and laugh when they do like I don’t know who LOONA is so one day as they were walking out of class I said, “don’t forget to stan LOONA” and they just about lost their minds