Life Sucks, Then you Die

Do you guys know what the Bible says about suicide?   It's kind of a lot actually.  I think what surprised me most was how many of God’s prophets and the leaders of the church, were suicidal back then. I mean they didn't have electricity or wifi so I get it, but I guess you just tend to think that the Bible wouldn't talk so much about how shitty the lives were of God's followers.  It's not the best selling point.  Like hey, come follow me and your life will still suck.  So many of them begged God for death.  Not for God to help them, or fix their problems, but like they were done. 

My favorite story of a suicidal person in the Bible is the one about Elijah hitting rock bottom. Other than Jesus, was there anyone in the Bible who was more of a badass than Elijah?  Spoiler alert, nope.  Elijah was the fucking man. People  usually think of Moses, but nah, Moses was a loser.  That was kind of the whole point of choosing someone as lame as Moses to perform all of those amazing miracles, leaving no doubt that it was actually God doing them, because this guy was not someone who would ever be considered a leader. Elijah however, that guy could get it. So when he becomes severely depressed, and discouraged, hitting rock bottom and crying out to God begging for death, now that's a story.  I mean he wasn't just some guy, he and God were tight.  So when shit goes down, he calls out to God and he's like, (paraphrasing) “bro remember all that awesome shit we did together, that was EPIC! They're going to be talking about that thousands of years from now, it was THAT badass. So how is this my life right now? How is this fair? I'm your bro!  I've had it. Just fucking kill me already.”  God’s response to him kills me too, because he’s not like, “oh sorry man, it will get better, just have faith or hope, or you know, try harder.”   No, it actually gets worse.   SO MUCH WORSE. Earthquakes, wind, and fire, and Elijah is just like, what the actual fuck, and he goes off on God again.  

I have been Elijah so many times, and so many times people have told me that it will get better, or to just have faith, or hope, or try harder.  But it just gets worse.  And I've screamed at God, like what the actual fuck???  Is this some sick joke? I can not handle this, I'm done, just fucking kill me.  And nothing happens!!  So I went back to this story and was like, ok then what?  What does God do?  Does he abandon Elijah because that's some buuuuullshit.  So, apparently God does five things.  First he lets Elijah get some rest.  Second he feeds him.  Not with bullshit spiritual fruits or kernels of hope, he sends him actual food. Do you know when you call a suicide hotline they ask you if you've gotten enough sleep and food, then they strongly advise that you do that?  It’s apparently super important.  Third, God sends Elijah to someone who can give him perspective.  Not to fix all his problems, not to give him answers, but perspective.  When you are in a place of desperation and hopelessness, you don't see things clearly. You just don't. You need someone who sees things differently than you.  A therapist, a friend, a family member, "seeing eye people," I call them, like a seeing eye dog, because you are blind.  It's not your fault, but in this moment there are things you just can't see, and you need to hold onto them for dear life to guide you through it.  Fourth, he tells him to get back to work, but not just work, meaningful work. Find a way to live a meaningful life. Easier said than done, but there it is. Fifth, and kind of the whole “moral of the story” is to watch who and what you're listening to.  Are you listening to the wrong people and those little voices in your head telling you that you're useless and alone and nothing will ever change. Or do you have people telling you that you matter. People should know that they matter more than they know. 

And that’s it.   5 super practical things that every therapist and self help book since all of forever have also advised.   I don’t know what I was really expecting.  Maybe for God to sprinkle some magical fairy dust on him and go “bibbidi bobbidi boo” and everything is better.  That would be cool.  Elijah’s life kinda just keeps sucking, which is actually reassuring in a weird way.   I get so sick of people telling me that things will get better, and then when they don’t it’s like, “ummmm???”  Literally nowhere in the Bible does it say “follow me and all of your problems will be solved.”  It just says, “come to me all ye who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.”  That’s it, fucking rest.  Which I guess is exactly what I need, but also like ugh.  So yeah that’s it, if you’re suicidal or you know someone who is suicidal, sleep, food, perspective, meaningful work, and focusing on positive influences that let you know you matter.  Duh.  Things might not get better, they might actually get worse, what can you do.  Life sucks, but hey at least we have electricity and wifi.  

And this has been another installment of Bible Study with Tricia aka (a super depressed girl who is jaded with religion, though it still fascinates her, oh and she cusses a lot.)