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theonion

BROCKTON, MA—Saying the plot was jumping all over the place and had become extremely hard to follow, onlookers confirmed this afternoon that 7-year-old Brendan Milner has been unable to maintain a single cohesive storyline while playing with his action figures.

By all accounts, the second-grader failed to adhere to any logical narrative arc, following one plotline for only a brief period of time before veering in wildly tangential directions as he acted out scenes with several of his favorite plastic toys, including the superhero Iron Man, the giant monster Godzilla, and professional wrestler John Cena.

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