i will chew through the fucking gag

I will develop spontanious stephen king-like telekinesis to stop this.

with access to the 2022 tumblr vernacular, he'd be unstoppable

#pushing for a house md remake for one purpose only: so we can hear gregory house say 'god forbid women do anything'

mentally i’m a slut physically i’m scared of intimacy 

Life must be rough for you

life is rough for everyone kimberly

did you think they forgot to teach her about plagiarism at the miami school of law?

I MESSAGED HER ON INSTAGRAM AND SHE BLOCKED ME LMFAOOOO

stop lmfaoo

cant believe they gave this woman enough money to ruin the environment for singing vapid shit of this caliber for over a decade. have some shame man. get a grip. what the hell are any of you even doing

"you just hate her" i hate you lot. i dont hate her. shes demonstrably incapable of eliciting any sort of strong feelings positive or negative from people that arent functionally american suburbia poisoned. genuinely how do you in your mind explain to yourself the need to justify listening to this wjthout a gun pressed to your temple or like a hefty financial incentive idk you do you but my God. my Good Dear God

💀💀💀💀💀💀

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GX3Z8qG7AKo

- The Deeds of the Disturber, Elizabeth Peters

seeing trans people in public is like encountering an angel in the produce aisle. you understand

forever & always

The fact he was 1month old the last time an Irish person was number 1 on the US charts makes me want to cry.

Congrats to him! This is so deserved!

we diagnose you with a creeping sense of alienation forever. incurable

Cool now tell me something i don’t know

a patent exists for boots with pockets for use in nudist colonies

E.R. Comics, Ryan Pequin

one time my friend had surgery on her hip/knee and we went to visit her in the hospital and she was like “hey guys, check out what i have! it’s this cool button that, when I press it, it gives me more morphine!” and sure enough she had a little tube with one end attached to her IV or whatever and one end with a button on it, and every time she pushed the button it gave her morphine

and she just kept pressing it and pressing it and giggling and getting loopier and loopier, so we went to ask a nurse if that was OK or if she was just going to overdose herself

and the nurse said that the morphine button is on a self timer limit and she had already maxed it out and won’t be able to get more for a few more hours, but she can just press the button as many times as she wants and thanks to her already being on the max dose of morphine she was just placebo effect-ing herself into the fucking stratosphere

it was a great image, my friend over there high as balls like I HAVE UNLIMITED MORPHINE POWER!!!! *press press press press* and the nurse like “nah that button isn’t doing shit but she’s having fun”

CREATURE????

just when you think it couldn’t be worse, you have to battle a creature

I’m choosing to believe him because I think there should still be mystery and adventure in the world

Okay I looked this one up. He said he talked to God, made up some songs, and lost nine kilos during his 20ish hours in the water. He was also completely nude when he was rescued.

hero’s journey

and this man? Odysseus

he also ate some kind of stick

TIL the reason this inconsistently shows up in notes for the same post is bc if you look at the notes from a reblog, replies from ppl blocked by the reblogger don’t show up but if you look at it from someone else like OP they do show up

huh, i wonder why this person has a problem with being blocked. im sure they have really normal ideas about bringing pets inside restaurants

one of today's unluckiest 10K

“don’t let it bother u” baby i’m gonna be bothered by this for the next 10 years