real legendrid

The weirdest guy I ever met in a church was this boy who referred to “Buzz Aldrin and his husband” going to the moon. I was completely baffled, and when I asked if he’d misspoken, he got really angry and accused me of being deliberately ignorant of the facts. It turned out that he was somehow comvinced that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were married. It took five Wikipedia articles to convince him otherwise.

The moon landing was fake: tired, passé, heard it before

The moon landing was an elaborate marriage proposal: fresh! sexy! I’m going to be thinking about this for months!

Romcom where two dudes in the 1960s fall in love and come up with an elaborate plan to become astronauts to get married in space because gay marriage is illegal everywhere but it can’t be illegal on the moon

Might make things a little awkward for Mike Collins.

He was the officiator

This is an excellent take. He officiated in orbit, and the landing was their Honey Moon.

Oh my god they were moon mates.

i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday

people who don't wear glasses are so weird like you just wake up and your eyes are pussy fresh??

thats not the word I meant to use

None of these words are in the bible.

au contraire, mon ami

dont weird pussy, that's woke stale. penis absolute.

i’m sorry cock is in the bible?

Matthew 26:34 KJV

Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, That this night, before the cock crow, thou shalt deny me thrice.

huh i didn’t know edging was in the bible either

Of course it is, they've been waiting over two thousand years for the second coming

it is literally the most fucked up thing in the world that fruit goes bad. you shoild be allowed to have a box of blackberries in the cupboard for 2 years and they are still fine to eat

whatever

oh my god

this just in: relationships are now predatory if one person could beat the other in a fight. the only acceptable dating is between two perfectly matched warriors locked in perpetual stalemate

diversity loss this trans man is just as much of an emotionally unavailable avoidantly attached brick as any cis guy

he has a pussy yes but does he have a heart. post cancelled that sounds like a taylor swift lyric

my boy he has a pussy but he doesn't have a heart

he's playing games with me just like i'm mario from kart

i'm a published writer btw

hello I am speaking to you from the future: this guy is awful at sex and will put you in the hospital. he owes you $500. you will have one orgasm the entire time you are with him and it will be followed by him scolding you to move your hand away from your clit because "it's distracting" and he can't cum unless he mimics the exact same level of numb pressure and total dissociation he has conditioned himself to masturbating with five times a day. every girl he has ever dated has tried to commit suicide. after you get away from him you will realize he looks exactly like Carl from Aqua Teen. instead of dating him you should turn your 100k word Sabrina fanfic into a breakout YA novel using find-and-replace and buy a decent vacuum cleaner

I will open the fucking TikTok app just to watch this video multiple times

TIKTOKER: I swear to God, no one tickles my testicles more than the people of my own fucking country. Okay, so like WHAT HAPPENED was this year, this summer, I was in Korea. And I linked up with a homie that I haven't met in a long time, just catching up. "Oh my God, how are you? You GRADUATED? That's insane, where do you work!?" Whatever. Okay.

So there was a conversation about like, food and preferences. So I just asked him! I just asked him: (in Korean, pronoucing "asparagus" as a Korean loan word) "Hey, when you eat steak, do you put asparagus?"

(in English) And this BITCH. He looks at me DEAD STRAIGHT IN THE FUCKING EYES. Has the AUDACITY to just.... degrade, I guess! Ask me: (in Korean) "HAH! Hey, aren't you from America? Why are you calling it (emphasizing the Korean pronunciation of asparagus) ASPARAGUS?"

(in English, in an exaggerated stereotypical American accent) OH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY! Am I supposed to say ASS-PARA-GUSS? ASS-PARA-GUSS? DO I GO (says his question again in Korean, but breaks up the flow of the speech by pronouncing all the loan words with American pronunciation).

IT FUCKS THE FLOW!!! WHY ARE YOU BITCHING!? I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY! YOU MONOLINGUAL FUCK!!!!

My ideal aesthetic is what I'm calling "sexy tomboy". That is to say, I am 100% femme through and through, but I want to look like what a straight man's idea of a "masculine woman" is. I wanna be masc in the way that LaCroix is fruit flavored, just a little extra something to make things a little more interesting

This you?

I don't think I'll ever recover from this one