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@yesdarlingido / yesdarlingido.tumblr.com

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krazy-diamond003
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plain-flavoured-english

Your purpose in life is not to love yourself but to love being yourself.

If you goal is to love yourself, then your focus is directed inward toward yourself, and you end up constantly watching yourself from the outside, disconnected, trying to summon the “correct” feelings towards yourself or fashion yourself into something you can approve of.

If your goal is to love being yourself, then your focus is directed outward towards life, on living and making decisions based on what brings you pleasure and fulfillment.

Be the subject, not the object. It doesn’t matter what you think of yourself. You are experiencing life. Life is not experiencing you.

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So, yes! Somehow during all of this Covid-19 nightmare, we are moving to Charleston, South Carolina! I am so proud of Charles, and so sad to leave, but so excited to go. Big changes come with a big mix of emotions. I remember when I would post throughout our time dating, I’d share about my dream of getting a degree for therapy, and his journey to medical school. It feels like just yesterday, and yet all of that has happened! My license will be issued to me in a month, he will graduate and officially be a doctor in two months, and wow just what is life? If you are from Charleston, I would love to know all your favorite spots! I can’t wait to build the next chapter of our life in a beautiful new spot of the country.

#personal
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If others tell us something we make assumptions, and if they don't tell us something we make assumptions to fulfill our need to know and to replace the need to communicate. Even if we hear something and we don't understand we make assumptions about what it means and then believe the assumptions. We make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions.

Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom

The four agreements: 1) Be impeccable with your word, 2) Don’t take anything personally, 3) Don’t make assumptions, 4) Always do your best

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Life transitions are tough because it’s essentially impossible to smoothly relinquish whatever your norm has been and the role that went with that. It’s choppy and difficult because it requires flexibility, humility, and a deconstruction of how the pieces used to go together. With those pieces, you have to make something new--discarding old pieces that used to be necessary, but no longer are, and adding new pieces you aren’t familiar or comfortable with yet. That is tough.

#we're moving to charleston#wow
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Yesterday was my birthday. I passed my licensure exam, marking the last thing needed to have my license as a therapist. I’m so relieved! Next Friday we find out where Charles matches for his medical residency (and where we’ll be moving). 28 is going to be wild.

#personal
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onlinecounsellingcollege
There comes a day when you realise turning the page is the best feeling in the world, because you realise there’s so much more to the book than the page you were stuck on.

Zayn Malik

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UNDERSTANDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

  • Both partners view the other realistically, recognizes that the other is an imperfect human being, and learns what is realistic to expect.
  • Both partners take responsibility for their own personal growth. 
  • The better each person is at self-care, the more they will be able to let their partner be their natural self.
  • Both partners take responsibility for their own emotional state. This is a matter of practicing self-awareness of how our thought patterns create corresponding feelings. Healthy partners avoid inappropriately acting out of a “child ego state” when past wounds get triggered, communicate appropriately, and find a way to return to an adult state.
  • Both partners approach problems by focusing on how to resolve the issue most efficiently. Both take responsibility to resolve the problem.
  • When one partner expresses needs and wants, the other can be supportive without sacrificing their own self-care and without doing their partner’s work.
  • Both partners can negotiate and accept compromise. As people experience increased levels of self-value, self-empowerment, and abundance, they can surrender the need to get their way all the time.
  • Both partners can communicate simply and directly, and do not expect the other to mind-read. Each partner takes responsibility for making clear, direct statements concerning needs for intimacy and support.
#relationships
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GUIDELINES FOR BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP

  • Don’t assign blame when you’re in conflict
  • Don’t keep score on your partner
  • Speak for yourself using “I” statements instead of “you” statements
  • Don’t argue perceptions or facts
  • Don’t threaten abandonment in the face of conflict
  • Communicate in four sentences or less
  • Repeat what you hear them saying to make sure you heard it right BEFORE responding
  • Avoid critical remarks, blaming the other, or justifying your actions
  • Don’t worry about whether your partner is adhering to these guidelines--take sole responsibility for yourself and hold yourself accountable to healthy communication.
#relationships#dating
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