I'm Maria

imagine being one of the most powerful people in the world and having the audacity to tweet some useless shit like that 

y’all know that john mulaney quote “the things crazy people say mean nothing to them but everything to me?”

every time i hear that quote, i think about how i got this light-up pen

i got this pen four years ago when i was working as a barista at starbucks. I was on the registers and taking the order of this woman, who ordered a nonfat latte, because she was “watching her weight”

so this guy behind her, whom no one was talking to, for some fucking reason says “wathing your weight? but what about the wait for your watch?“ (which is a completely unhinged response. like just complete Mad Hatter nonsense)

anyway this lady gets really uncomfortable and of the five people (me, him, her, the other checker, and the customer at the other register) who were now sucked into the uncomfortable silence, i decided that i should alleviate the tension by saying “you can’t wait for a watch; you don’t have the time”

and then he said “oh, quick girl!”, gave me that pen, got out of line, and left without ordering anything 

You pleased a mad fae trickster

me after discreetly tasting yet another himalayan salt lamp

Loool

nipples poking through a shirt are an accessory we should all learn to appreciate 

her baby sister ran away with her phone recording

the chaos

15+ Un-Bear-Ably Cute Momma Bears Teaching Their Teddy Bears How To Bear

Momma Bear

Todays Feeling.

Girls like this you do not fuck around with.

I have never felt so gay

Look at how many holes are in that cardboard

I like how “I have never felt so gay” could mean they are so happy they aren’t into girls or they are really into girls lol

2017: loving myself so much that it’s ok if nobody else does.

ppl are so interested in aliens but how would they expect to learn about cultures from different planets/solar systems if they can’t even accept different cultures on ya own damn planet from your own damn species

white people