I love old things. They make me feel sad.

older sibling privilege is finding this bit of the special hilarious while your younger sibling watches it without cracking a smile once

i hate it when people ask me to "explain my thought process" like hell if i know

"what's going on in that head of yours?" nothing i want to be a part of

>Went to school in my bear fursuit

>Teacher told me to take the whole thing off because it was against the dress code

>She let me keep the arm parts on though

why she let you keep on the arms??

>my constitutional right to bear arms

Fuck this post

I was thinking what if Hobbits adopted a human baby but they thought it was a hobbit baby and they were like he’s the fuckin tallest hobbit there ever was and no one tells him he’s human so he just thinks he’s a fuckin strong ass hobbit then I realized that’s the fuckin plot of the movie Elf you dumb fucking idiot

Why must you all mock me

idk what it is about sitting in chairs and having both feet on the floor but it’s so uncomfortable and awful and i’ll never willingly do it if there’s literally any other option

bonus:

For that last addition

nonlocal area code = hang up. obvious telemarketer

local area code = hang up. this one is also a telemarketer but trying to be sneaky

never answer the phone ever

this is why everyone on this website is a virgin

I’m not gonna fuck the telemarketer man

yeah that counts as force

The best part, that’s not even how you write a capital A in cursive.

Great zinger from Cunt Bev.

me

“Shapeshifting, but only once” is still one of the funniest concepts to me

it’s really interesting how in cop shows it’s only ever the Bad Guy that won’t let police into their house without a warrant, asks for legal counsel, refuses to talk to police, won’t let themselves be searched without probable cause, or exercises their legal rights at all. wonder who that could possibly benefit

Men are bus schedules

how

Always lying