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@astrologychef / astrologychef.tumblr.com

(she/her) / ☀️♐️ 🌙♓️ ⬆️♊️
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astrologychef

Signs at a dinner party

Aries: Arrived an hour early, brought four bottles of wine, and was cooking half the meal before you realized it
Taurus: Found on the couch eating apps and showing someone they just met pictures of their pets
Gemini: Has talked to everyone within 15 minutes of their arrival, knows more about everyone than the host by the end of the night
Cancer: The quietest one at dinner, but compliments the host's home, the food, etc, every time they see them
Leo: Sits in the center of the table and is overdressed for the occasion but doesn't care
Virgo: Trying to not get too drunk but also get drunk enough to continue to socialize until it's acceptable to leave
Libra: Is the last one to leave because they fell asleep in the guest room after dessert
Scorpio: Looks through the host's medicine cabinet, wondering what they could take that wouldn't mix poorly with wine so they can continue to endure the party
Sagittarius: Arrived drunk barely in time for dessert, brought four friends and hired a stripper
Capricorn: Wine drunk on Aries' wine, forgetting to eat yet telling everyone how delicious the food is
Aquarius: Takes photos with everyone, is on their phone under the table yet listening to everything everyone says
Pisces: Trying not to cry every time they look around and are overwhelmed by everyone having a great time, gets up from the table any time anyone needs anything
#zodiac signs#zodiac post#signs#horoscope#horoscopes
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deeriddler

What the signs will teach you

Aries: To see your self worth, to take action in the workplace, and how to hold your liquor
Taurus: To self care, to be persistent in your goals, and how to appreciate nature
Gemini: To embrace your interests, to communicate effectively, and how to pose for the perfect Instagram photo
Cancer: To sympathize with others, to appreciate your family, and how to cook
Leo: To put your needs first, to speak your mind, and how to treat yo self
Virgo: To prioritize your goals, the importance of platonic love, and how to give the best hugs
Libra: To let go, to make new friends, and how to be cordial to people you hate
Scorpio: To be aware, to be in touch with your sensuality, and how to dress in style
Sagittarius: To be honest, to be spontaneous, and how to see the bright side
Capricorn: To surround yourself with the right people, to be critical, and how to update your resume
Aquarius: To look at things from new perspectives, to fight for what you believe in, and how to find your aesthetic
Pisces: To be vulnerable, to help others in need, and how to escape the world through music
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astrologychef

What the signs will teach you

Aries: To see your self worth, to take action in the workplace, and how to hold your liquor
Taurus: To self care, to be persistent in your goals, and how to appreciate nature
Gemini: To embrace your interests, to communicate effectively, and how to pose for the perfect Instagram photo
Cancer: To sympathize with others, to appreciate your family, and how to cook
Leo: To put your needs first, to speak your mind, and how to treat yo self
Virgo: To prioritize your goals, the importance of platonic love, and how to give the best hugs
Libra: To let go, to make new friends, and how to be cordial to people you hate
Scorpio: To be aware, to be in touch with your sensuality, and how to dress in style
Sagittarius: To be honest, to be spontaneous, and how to see the bright side
Capricorn: To surround yourself with the right people, to be critical, and how to update your resume
Aquarius: To look at things from new perspectives, to fight for what you believe in, and how to find your aesthetic
Pisces: To be vulnerable, to help others in need, and how to escape the world through music
#Aries sun#Taurus sun#Gemini sun#cancer sun#leo sun#Virgo sun#Libra sun#Scorpio sun#Sagittarius sun#capricorn sun#Aquarius sun#Pisces sun#Aries moon#Taurus moon#Gemini moon#cancer moon#leo moon#Virgo moon#libra moon#Scorpio moon#Sagittarius moon#capricorn moon#Aquarius moon#Pisces moon#Aries rising#Taurus rising#Gemini rising#cancer rising#leo rising#Virgo rising
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astrologychef

The signs as cats

Aries: The cat that grooms itself for hours
Taurus: The cat that meows when their food bowl is half empty or there is something floating in their water bowl
Gemini: The cat that runs around crazily in the night like a demon
Cancer: The cat that follows you around meowing for attention
Leo: The cat that refuses to eat dry food
Virgo: The cat that licks you affectionately
Libra: The cat that really likes the shower/bathtub
Scorpio: The cat that must thoroughly explore each new box, bag or item set on the floor
Sagittarius: The cat that locks eyes with you as they knock something on a table over
Capricorn: The cat that you constantly catch giving you a hard side eye
Aquarius: The cat that eats your plants
Pisces: The cat that sleeps on their back in the sun, and gets up to move as the light shifts
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The signs as cats

Aries: The cat that grooms itself for hours
Taurus: The cat that meows when their food bowl is half empty or there is something floating in their water bowl
Gemini: The cat that runs around crazily in the night like a demon
Cancer: The cat that follows you around meowing for attention
Leo: The cat that refuses to eat dry food
Virgo: The cat that licks you affectionately
Libra: The cat that really likes the shower/bathtub
Scorpio: The cat that must thoroughly explore each new box, bag or item set on the floor
Sagittarius: The cat that locks eyes with you as they knock something on a table over
Capricorn: The cat that you constantly catch giving you a hard side eye
Aquarius: The cat that eats your plants
Pisces: The cat that sleeps on their back in the sun, and gets up to move as the light shifts
#lol this one was fun#zodiac#astrology#horoscopes#horoscope#zodiac post#astrology post#astro#aries#taurus#gemini#cancer#leo#virgo#libra#scorpio#sagittarius#capricorn#aquarius#pisces#sun signs#the signs as cats#signs as cats#cats#zodiac cats#astro cats
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moongays

TRAITS THE SIGNS KEEP HIDDEN

Aries: Romantic, compassionate and sensitive. They prefer to hide their more gentle and reserved side with their fiery energy, but in reality, they've got a pronounced dreaminess, filled with fantasies, illusions, and vague emotions. They come across as far more aggressive and bold than they actually are. They have a tendency to internalize their sensitivity, which makes them feel isolated and lonely.
Taurus: Determined, energetic, and assured. Although at first they seem laid-back and relaxed, once they've set their minds to something, they are headstrong, full of verve and passion. They can easily take charge of a situation, but they doubt themselves and doubt their capabilities. Instead, they often use their courage for supporting the underdog, those with no voice. They have a tendency to internalize their anger, which results in short bursts of impulsiveness and agitation.
Gemini: Calming, grounded, and sensual. Gemini may at first come across as scatter-brained and disoriented, yet they're far more stable than they appear. Though subject to volatile mood swings, these are usually temporary. They have the ability to separate themselves from their emotions, making them more rational and level-headed. They have a deep desire for stability, but by internalizing it, they often end up clinging to the past or pursuing materialistic desires they don't truly want.
Cancer: Intelligent, clever, and quick-witted. Though Cancer is often portrayed as extremely emotional, they're much more logical than they appear. They can be very quick-witted and creative when they're by themselves, but they have a hard time expressing their ideas to others. Cancer has a tendency of concealing their thoughts and plans to others, but overemphasize their emotions instead. They can reveal too much personal, emotional information about themselves while not telling others what they're actually thinking.
Leo: Sensitive, generous, and loyal. Leo may first come across as open and confident, but they have a great deal of emotional depth which they find difficult to show. They form deep emotional attachments, resulting in integrity and loyalty to those they care for. They're generous and devoted, but have difficulty expressing their own emotions, despite their sensitivity. As a result, they may become guarded and hypersensitive, and therefore unable to share their empathy with others.
Virgo: Willful, self-sufficient, and powerful. A stereotypical Virgo comes across as quiet and analytical, but in reality, Virgo has a great deal of willpower. Behind the scenes, there's a strong leadership potential, a potency in personality that is influential and admirable. There's a great deal of pride in this position, but there's also inhibition. Despite feeling proud of their achievements, they feel uncomfortable in the spotlight- resulting in feeling torn between basking in the limelight and shying away from it.
Libra: Critical, devoted, and thoughtful. Very often, a Libra seems at best, friendly and charming, or at worst, superficial and unreliable. Libra actually is very thoughtful and eloquent, spending a great deal of time on formulating their thoughts and opinions, as spontaneous as they might act. There's a tendency to notice things here that others wouldn't- they have a sharp and keen eye for details that are usually missed. However, they tend to keep their thoughts and worries to themselves, increasing anxiety and feeling misunderstood.
Scorpio: Romantic, gentle, and idealistic. Surprisingly enough, Scorpio has a kindness and idealism that is hidden underneath a more heavy and secretive exterior. Scorpio has a strong belief in justice and is highly-principled, with a strong urge to protect the helpless and the innocent. In a more private sphere, Scorpio is compassionate and sweet to those who've shown understanding and care. By internalizing this aspect of themselves, they end up withdrawing and feeling isolated among others. They may secretly idealize their partners as a means of compensation, leaving them vulnerable to emotional disappointment.
Sagittarius: Profound, secretive and investigative. Happy-go-lucky Sagittarius has a great deal of depth, compared to what their appearance may suggest. They're interested in the taboo, the occult, the bizarre, though they don't tend to project this to others easily. Sagittarius can be very private and reserved, despite acting otherwise, as it's difficult for them to reveal emotional intensity. Instead, they prefer to push their feelings away or laugh them off. Yet, by hiding such a private part of themselves, they struggle with emotional intimacy.
Capricorn: Philosophical, wise, and witty. Capricorn is a naturally cautious sign. They tend to keep their ideals, personal beliefs, and thoughts to themselves. A natural behind-the-scenes planner, it’s a struggle for Capricorn to open up to others and to be spontaneous. However, when they do, they’re humorous and enthusiastic, with warmth and charisma. They use their ideals to fuel their inspiration and hopes for the future. By keeping their thoughts only to themselves, they put too much pressure and stress, worrying about their future and whether they’re doing things right.
Aquarius: Grounded, reliable, and realistic. Aquarius is typically shown as eccentric and bizarre, but don’t be fooled. They have a real knowledge of pain in life. They know how it feels to struggle with your own self-worth. They know what it feels like to feel overwhelmed with other's expectations. By themselves, they have a strong sense of discipline and responsibility. They can have very conservative beliefs, which you wouldn't expect from how they act. They try to obscure the heavier part of their personality, but by doing so, they worsen their feelings of inadequacy and struggle with realistic limitations.
Pisces: Aware, independent, and innovative. Most people view Pisces as dreamy and lost in their own world, yet Pisces has a keen intuition that enables them to read between the lines where others cannot. Though Pisces can be like a sponge, absorbing the information and emotions from others, they’re more detached and less influenced than they seem. They have an independence and a rebelliousness to them that others don’t expect. This sign is more objective, more logical than their starry-eyed appearance may suggest. Through concealing this more reasonable part of themselves, they struggle to appear as they genuinely are, isolating themselves from friends and companions.
*Check both your sun sign and your rising sign*
#sag sun#Gemini rising
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reblogged
perks-of-being-chinese
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myboyfriendpetebuttigieg

The first time I heard an adult say the f word was when I was in fourth grade and we were doing some project that involved us baking cookies together as a class. My teacher Ms. Lindsey, who was real sweet, was demonstrating for everybody and she asked if anyone knew how to crack an egg, and I really didn’t know how to crack an egg, but I’m a go-getter, so I raised my hand and she called on me. I instantly knew I was in trouble at that point but I’d seen my dad crack eggs hundreds of times so I figured, ya know, it can’t be thaaaat hard. So I grab the egg but I have no sense of how softly you’re supposed to tap an egg to crack it, so I just slam it against the desk and splatter raw egg ten feet in every direction and my teacher said “what the fuck, Dion?”

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hellokrissi

dion: aries, taurus, gemini, leo, aquarius, pisces

ms. lindsey: cancer, virgo, libra, scorpio, capricorn, sagittarius

#Sagittarius sun#Pisces moon#Gemini rising
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reblogged
astrologychef

What the signs will teach you

Aries: To see your self worth, to take action in the workplace, and how to hold your liquor
Taurus: To self care, to be persistent in your goals, and how to appreciate nature
Gemini: To embrace your interests, to communicate effectively, and how to pose for the perfect Instagram photo
Cancer: To sympathize with others, to appreciate your family, and how to cook
Leo: To put your needs first, to speak your mind, and how to treat yo self
Virgo: To prioritize your goals, the importance of platonic love, and how to give the best hugs
Libra: To let go, to make new friends, and how to be cordial to people you hate
Scorpio: To be aware, to be in touch with your sensuality, and how to dress in style
Sagittarius: To be honest, to be spontaneous, and how to see the bright side
Capricorn: To surround yourself with the right people, to be critical, and how to update your resume
Aquarius: To look at things from new perspectives, to fight for what you believe in, and how to find your aesthetic
Pisces: To be vulnerable, to help others in need, and how to escape the world through music
#zodiac#astrology#astrology post#horoscope
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reblogged
caleforpresident

i dont get offended at white people jokes even though im white because: 

  1. i can recognize white people as a whole have systemically oppressed POC in america, which is where i live 
  2. most people when they make white people jokes only mean the shitty white people and i am not a shitty white person 
  3. im not a pissbaby

my white friends that have reblogged this give me life

4. Sometimes I am a shitty white person and the jokes remind me to FUCKIN STOP

If ur white and like this post I fux with u

^absolutely

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verdant-witch

5. It’s hard to be offended when white people jokes involve bland food/tourist dads in socks and sandals/white girls in yoga pants obsessed with pumpkin spice/suburban PTA moms and other harmless and mostly true stereotypes while jokes about POC involve them being called thugs/criminals/slurs/uneducated/illegal immigrants.

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blackpoeticinjustice

i fucks with u heavy if ur white and you reblog this

6. They’re usually really fucking funny and don’t perpetuate stereotypes that will ever affect me economically, politically, or cause me any true harm, let alone create risks that “justify” my murder and/or death

Waits for my white mutuals to reblog😌

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anar-tea

yesyesyesyes

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kateordie

7. if I expect dudes not to “not all men” me how can I rly “not all white people” since it’s asking for the same exemption

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