Things Public School Kids Take Way Too Seriously

this post is so american I don’t even know what half of these things are

this is the best news iv’e heard all day

more of Shia during The Even Stevens Movie

sassy english teachers are the best because they’re beyond sarcastic and somehow always end up insulting the kid that you hate and everyone else likes

I see you Velma

Dan Velma your Jinkie s

Shia LaBeouf is the man James Franco thinks he is

At the daycare we have a kid with two sisters from different dads. One of the other kids asked why this girl’s sister has a different last name from her, and I explained that she has a different dad, so they have different last names. That happens, sometimes. The 7 year-old girl who asked me this question thought about this and asked if the mom was married to both dads and how did that work. 

I explained that she was either married to each dad one after the other, or she was married to one after having a kid with the other earlier, or she was never married to either dad, or etc. Like my sister, I explained, who is unmarried and has never been married but has a kid. This made the girl stare in shock. 

“I thought you had to be married to get kids,” she said, like her world was turned upside down.

“That’s optional,” I explained loosely. “You don’t need to be married or even dating to have kids with someone. My sister has a kid and is an accountant and has no plans to get married as of yet.”

The girl sat there for a moment. “Well, then why do people even get married?” she demanded, “Are you telling me we don’t even need boys at all? I can just have all the kids I want and never have to marry a boy???”

“Yep,” I said, blandly, skipping over pages and pages of in-depth discussion of why marriage exists, why ‘boys’ and ‘girls’ are too simplistic to explain body parts, and all the awkwardness of intercourse and reproduction with just one word.

The girl leapt from her seat and raced over to inform the other girls about her new discovery. I heard her yelling: “No marrying! We can have kids without getting married! WE DON’T NEED HUSBANDS. We can just have babies!”

“What if we want babies?” asked one of the boys, distressed.

“Who CARES what you want??” the girls yelled.

I spent a lot of time trying not to laugh hysterically at my desk.

Is Bill Nye about to drop the hottest album of 2015?

I know I'm a handful but thats what you got two hands for

proof i am a grandpa

- hates kids - full of useless information - everything hurts - ready for death

@quiche-in

if ur hair covers ur boobs u have mermaid hair and u are a mermaid i dont make the rules

As a man with a hairy chest, I was very, very confused by this post for about ten seconds.

You are a mermaid, sir

customer: hi how are you today

me: 

Can someone explain what this thing is supposed to be?

It’s me bitch!