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he still had a chance to turn it around, right? to just laugh, say forget it in an unsarcastic manner, and get back to what they were going to do. but even though he was feeling a little selfish that day, he couldn’t do that. he couldn’t forget what just happened and he couldn’t ignore the very real possibility that this was going to be the last real moment they had together. “i don’t know what you want from me.” he spoke after a couple moments of silence. he wasn’t being harsh with his words, he was almost asking it like a question. like he had absolutely no idea. “i want to be in your life, you know that. but how hard is that going to be now?”

harley being himself, he just threw a, “not hard if we forget about it,” and a shrug because, to him, that was the easiest way out. soon enough he hated himself for saying that, because he knew it wasn’t just going to go away. it was never that easy with jeremiah, which explained why harley never failed to come back to him. “i don’t want to hurt you, jeremiah,” pause, “but falling for me will be a straight garentee down a path that neither of us want you to take. i’m fuckin’ cancer. no one wants it, y’know?” it sounded a lot sadder than it was, really. harley enjoyed being this way. (maybe not for jeremiah, but.)

#ncstclgia #v. our gentle sin.#that moment when all of our fucking threads are like that

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he wanted to get out of there because he wanted to forget. and he wanted the redness of his cheeks to go down. and he wanted to not love a boy who would break his heart. “harley.” was said, not as a demand or a statement, but as a warning. sort of. it’s not like jeremiah was very intimidating, even when he wanted to be. “what’s the point?” he questioned, though glad he was still in the comfort of the other. he wanted to be realistic about this without losing everything.

“fucking christ, jere,” he sighed, sitting up, letting his fingers comb through his messy blonde fringe. he couldn’t help but close his eyes and look towards the wall. so blank and empty, just like he would be without jeremiah on tour. which was why, before this, he was going to invite him. but now? now he wasn’t so sure. “the point is, if you go and i don’t see you for god-knows-how-long, then i probably won’t have the will to come back. that’s just the truth, jeremiah. we’ll fucking distance ourselves and this’ll be nothing,” funny how in the beginning, that’s what he wanted and now he wasn’t so keen.

#could u jsUT GO AQWYA BYEYE #AND THEN HARLEY IS S LITKEE MATE #ncstclgia #v. our gentle sin.

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RILEIEGHJUSTU LEF T THE CAM AFTER I TOLD HER MY PLANS FORT HSI THREAD TO SCREAM I’M LAGUGHGIHIGNGNGN

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and it wasn’t an immediate reaction, for him, to realize what he said was completely wrong. he’d thought about the l word before, but it could never pertain to harley because – harley just wasn’t…. into that. which he knew. but the moment, knowing he was going to leave, and hearing those simple words, jeremiah just couldn’t stop his mouth from forming what he’d been wanting to say for months. and even though he wanted to continue their actions, there was no way now. it was ruined. but he panicked and he definitely didn’t want to talk about it because that meant thinking about it and facing the truth that harley was never going to say it back. “no – no, that’s okay. i have to go, anyway. my parents are probably wondering where i am. i’ll – see you later.”

his skin was heated like a fever taking over. he could nearly see the steam from his skin, but then again, it was the high of the moment making him hallucinate. there was plenty of heat within him to make him light headed. to make his vision blur. to make him literally want to just leave. but that’s not what he did; he stayed right were he was, on top of jeremiah, not letting him go. “no,” he said sternly. strange, though, because his voice had become deeper and much more.. controlling. “i only have less than twenty-four hours with you. you’re not going anywhere. we talk with our mouths or our bodies - i’m giving you the choice.”

#ncstclgia #v. our gentle sin.#:)

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GUYS IM LITERALLY GOING TO BE LIVING W holxcenes IN ONE WEEK FROM TODAY I WILL BE SEEING MY SECOND MOTHER AND OTHER SISTERS AND LIL BBY NEPHEW IM !!!!

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YRD

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and it was stupid to think that any situation between them could be serious for more than a few moments (unless it was absolutely necessary.) and when harley started talking again, he didn’t want to listen to this. he knew it was just going to be him saying how many other people he was going to be with and how when he came home, jeremiah would probably take him back and – except it wasn’t. and he never thought he’d be hearing those words come out of harley’s mouth about anybody, let alone him. and he was getting so caught up in the moment and everything was happening so fast and harley was making him feel so good and he blurted out an, “ oh – fuck, i love you.”

stepping back before the confession, harley was getting into it. letting jeremiah know he wasn’t going to throw himself around to just anyone and being his typical, smooth self doing it. he thought about how much that probably meant to the other, and for some weird reason, that only turned him on more. it made him want to go harder and faster and give jeremiah everything he wanted. and though that didn’t stop, per se, harley just froze. all he did was lift himself from jeremiahs neck and let his throat dry up. love. something he didn’t want to even think about, especially not now. “maybe we should talk.”

#i'm harley af #ncstclgia #v. our gentle sin.