your name is kipperlily copperkettle.
there is a knife in your hand and rage in your heart like a twenty four pointed star. like a name you dont know. like fire.
(we keep the fire lit, a girl you once knew would say. you keep the fire lit for her. you cant remember if you killed her or not.)
your name is kipperlily copperkettle. there is a girl who comes to school a mess and takes her clothes off in the hallway and doesnt seem to care about anything. there is a girl who has let not one but two gods die. there is a girl who brought a god back from beyond death with the force of her conviction.
(you once knew a girl that you admired for her conviction. a girl that was too stubborn for her own good. why can’t you remember whether or not you killed her?)
your name is kipperlily copperkettle. there is a boy in your party that you requested specifically. he worships a god that a girl you think you hate once worshipped. he seems like he only worships this god out of habit. conviction seems uglier on him than it does on her.
(you aren’t sure who you mean when you think ‘her’. there are two girls who it might mean. one of them is dead. there is a knife in your hand.)
your name is kipperlily copperkettle. you want the success that seems to come easy to her and nothing you do will ever get you there. the thing you’re striving for doesn’t exist. you know that and pretend you don’t because when you tell yourself something, it becomes true.
(you can’t remember if you killed her, so you tell yourself you didn’t. the lie tastes like honey on your tongue.)
your name is kipperlily copperkettle and the girl you think you hate is stronger than you could have ever known. she and her friends tear through the world like wet paper and you have to watch it happen. a boy who breathes ugly conviction watches with you, though he doesn’t know it.
(you have a knife in your hand and you smile at her as you slit his throat. his blood is hers on your hands. can you make her conviction ugly when you make what’s his hers?)
(you’re still not sure who you mean when you say her.)
your name is kipperlily copperkettle.
there is a knife in your hand.
