listen this isn’t rat related but I’m going off the walls right now this is literally so fucking funny

orange bear puppet: i think tutter’s looking a little tired, don’t you?

tutter (mouse puppet): [panting and screaming]

Do you ever forget that you have a gender to most people….. meaning that random people at the grocery store see me as a woman and not just a little internet guy

not even kidding when I say I should look like this

star wars, but it’s just the memes

Found my 53yo very-much-not-online father in the kitchen today meticulously arranging cutlery on the countertop and i was like 'what are you doing' and he looked up at me with the world's most shit-eating grin and said "Your mother told me this is how you rick-roll the Youth" and i looked over and it was fucking. Loss.jpg.

i must stress that he's never seen the original comic. My mother simply showed him the shorthand symbol and he memorized it. As far as he is aware this is just a fucking hieroglyph that deals instant psychic damage to everyone under the age of 30

Was this the intention

very tired cat writing a term paper

@elodieunderglass: things with horrible HANDS (i love this sleepy baby and their human hands)

please for the love of god

Hey, today I learned that my catalogued lack of dating experience is cited in an academic paper

Jokes aside, this quote is how the researchers kick off an exploration of the under-researched concept of “friends to partners” with a call to social researchers to reframe their (apparently exclusive) focus on “dating” as the sole initiating event of romantic relationships. It’s actually a very interesting paper; apparently social scientists and pop culture focus their attention on the process of “dating”, a frankly heteronormative lens that insists on very specific behaviours and scenarios, in which single people market themselves to each other at bars. Meanwhile, in the actual people surveyed in the study, it appears far more common for people to prefer “friends to lovers” as a relationship pathway.

Like holy cow did you guys KNOW that relationship science was dominated by studies on dating? A thing that in which good grades are not possible to achieve?

And it’s kind of good for ME to hear as well! As a (weird queer) person, dating always seemed so artificial and undesirable to me, but so important to everyone else, that it was clearly just One Of Those Things that is programmed into the Normal Hetero Brain that folks like me simply miss out on, forever. But possibly not! Possibly “dating” is one of those heavily marketed products that nobody particularly wants. Like the Metaverse. And nobody, until these plucky social scientists, has been brave enough to call it out!!

But yes. At the expense of elodie glass’s dating history being notably sparse (Stinson, 2021).

Brother Gregor never spoke and often spooked the neophytes with his appearance, but he was a gentle soul and a phenomenal cook and knew more ways to prepare a fish than the abbot knew hymns

I didn't know "Tims" was Chilchuck's last name. Thought it was just some shoe based in joke that I didn't understand.

What went through my head every time I read "Chilchuck Tims"

Average Canadian man

Average Canadian lesbian

THE GREATEST HELLBOY STORY EVER TOLD

When I see people sharing so much of their kids' lives, I think about that one time my child told a joke, I shared that joke with ONE FRIEND in a private conversation, and my child said "can you please ask me next time, before you tell people something about me?"

And, yes, I absolutely should. So I apologized, and now I ask.

"I love that video of you, can I show it to a friend?"

"Can I tell a friend about how clever you were just now?"

"Can I share this in the family group chat?"

"Can I show your art to grandma and grandpa?"

And it's not like my kids don't like when I share their jokes and puns and fun moments. They love it! But they want to have control over what I share with people. Even without their faces or their names. Even people we know and trust.

And they deserve to have that control.

I don’t really Go Here but u can always rely on this man to read a right wing politician’s outfit for filth

I mean. Just devastating 😭

This man has LETHAL comebacks. Idiots keep trying to get one over on him and he has never missed

Actually no I'm double reblogging this I found the one where he *calls a guy's tailor* to confirm his suit isn't actually bespoke

You cannot win in his arena. This isn't "if you come at the king you better not miss" this is "don't fight a shark in the water"

when the human 2.0 patch rolls out i think people with uvulas should lay eggs rather than keeping them up in there

i can not stress the confidence when i paused and thought "I'm pretty sure uvula is the right part" and got it in one

i feel like im being pranked is it a uterus or an ovary or what what is happening in there

im tired y'all got conveyor belts and stuff in ya coochie ig

current note count: 82

don't you put that curse on me

Girlies. The eggs are produced and stored in the ovaries then carried by the fallopian tubes where they're fertilized, ultimately landing in the uterus to develop into an embryo.

Oh so it's my fault i didn't pay attention in pussyology class my bad I didn't realize there would be a quiz 20 years later on tumblr.edu