(photo via cruztec)

This is the humanities version of that spoof about scientists reminding the world that clean energy is ready to go whenever.

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HARRIET TUBMAN ESCAPED FROM SLAVERY AND THEN WENT BACK TO GET OTHERS. LIKE, I KNOW YOU KNOW WHO HARRIET TUBMAN IS AND THAT SHE DID THAT, BUT I JUST WANT YOU TO TAKE THAT IN FOR A SECOND. 

HARRIET TUBMAN WAS HELD CAPTIVE AND BOUND TO UNPAID, BACK-BREAKING LABOR SINCE BIRTH UNDER PENALTY OF TORTURE OR DEATH. SHE MANAGED TO ESCAPE THAT LIFE, AND SHE TURNED THE FUCK AROUND AND WENT THE FUCK BACK TO GET EVERYONE ELSE WHO WAS STILL TRAPPED IN IT. AND THEN SHE DID IT AGAIN EIGHTEEN MORE TIMES.

WHEN ABRAHAM LINCOLN WAS UNSURE WHETHER OR NOT HE WAS PREPARED TO MAKE A STAND AGAINST SLAVERY, HARRIET TUBMAN BASICALLY SAID HE SHOULD STOP BEING SUCH A DIAPER BABY AND THAT GUYS WHO ARE TOO SCARED TO END SLAVERY DON’T DESERVE TO WIN WARS.

NOT ONLY DID SHE SECRET OVER 300 SLAVES TO FREEDOM ON THE UNDERGROUND RAILROAD, BUT SHE ACTED AS A SPY FOR THE UNION ARMY DURING THE CIVIL WAR, AND BECAME THE FIRST WOMAN TO LEAD AN ARMED ASSAULT IN THE CIVIL WAR. THAT RAID BROUGHT FREEDOM TO OVER 700 SLAVES IN ONE GO.

SO I JUST WANT YOU TO STEW ON THAT FOR LIKE A MINUTE. ACTING IN THE SHADOWS, SHE WALKED INTO HELL ON EARTH 19 TIMES TO SAVE HER FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS FROM THE TORMENT SHE ENDURED, AND THE SECOND SHE WAS GIVEN EVEN A MODICUM OF POWER, SHE MANAGED TO FREE SEVEN HUNDRED SLAVES IN ONE DAY. 

I GUARANTEE, HOWEVER IMPRESSED YOU ALREADY ARE WITH HARRIET TUBMAN, YOU ARE FALLING LIKE AT LEAST 40% SHORT OF HOW IMPRESSED YOU SHOULD BE WITH HARRIET TUBMAN. SHE IS ONE OF THE BEST EXAMPLES OF BADASSERY IN THE ENTIRETY OF AMERICAN HISTORY. 

I just feel like it should be noted that she navigated her way across the Underground Railroad (through thicket and swamp and forest and every risk of wildlife you could imagine) with her own knowledge of the natural world. Some call her “the first Eco-womanist” because it was that understanding of the plant and animal life around her as well as knowledge of the stars that allowed her to bring people with her. Her prowess for dealing with immense problems and obstacles on the spot was nothing short of genius.

She didn’t stop there, either. Harriet Tubman also worked with the Union army during the Civil War as a cook, nurse, scout, and spy. She organized black men in the area as scouts, and often led missions herself with the task of gathering information and to persuade slaves to leave; most of whom joined the regiments of black soldiers for the Union. 

She also got ripped off by the government, who wasn’t paying her what she deserved (and wouldn’t even give her her pension after the war for her service- but instead eventually granted her pension as the widow of a veteran), so she supported herself by making and selling root beer. 

She used her earnings to support free black women, she worked to support two schools for freed men in the south, she provided food and care to the black people that came to her home, and she fought for women’s suffrage. When she died, she was buried with military honors. 

Oh, and when she had brain surgery, she denied anesthesia and instead bit down on a bullet. 

x / x / x / x / x

THESE ARE EVEN MORE AWESOME THINGS ABOUT HARRIET TUBMAN, GOOD ADDITIONS, YOU GUYS!!

Also worth noting that she did all this while living with the results of a traumatic head injury sustained in her childhood, which included pain, bouts of dizziness, and episodes of hypersomnia (sudden passing out) she was not just a badass, she was a disabled badass

That head injury was from when she was trying to save someone else, too. A boy was in trouble with their slave master and the master threw a weight at him, but she jumped in front of him and took the blow. She then suffered from narcolepsy the rest of her life. Also, a cool story about her: One time she was riding on a train, lightly disguised so as to hopefully not be recognized, and there was a ‘WANTED’ poster of her on the train wall. Some guys were looking at it and she overheard them saying they thought she looked like the woman on the poster. Because the poster described that she was illiterate, she grabbed a book and pretended to read it. The men then said it couldn’t be her, and she got off the train safely. She was literally such a smart, quick thinker. I can’t wait to have her on American money!

more things like this in 2k17 please

Albany Ledger, Missouri, June 17, 1898

I want a lot and I’m gonna achieve all of it