So, its time for me to say goodbye to you. This will be my last entry that I write in here.  I am so tired honestly..I am tired..I am tired of trying..I am tired of  putting myself  out there only to be stepped on.   I cant help but to feel only emptiness inside of me..I know that I am alive and that my heart is beating but there is nothing there just emptiness and it seems that as of lately it has only been getting worse and I don't know what to do about it. Most night I ever don't sleep or I cry myself to sleep.  All I ever wanted was to be the person that people could go to. Where they could feel safe and to let them know that things was to be just fine. I wanted to be the one to put a smile on their faces, I wanted to be strong for them but I know that I cant..I know that if I cant be strong for me that I cant be for myself.  Deep inside I feel so broken and shattered. People always tell me " keep fighting it will get better " But I cant..I cant keep fighting..I cant..I am so weak, I feel like I have disappointed so many people. I want to thank everyone tho that had came into my life even if we barely talk now. I want you all to know that you all coming into my life was a damn good blessing. Each and everyone taught me something in its own special way and I thank you for this. I love each and everyone of you.  Chaerin-  wow this is gonna be hard...I remember when we first meant and out first night cuddling..it was like who is this chick I love her already wow. I want to apologize to you for the most part. I want to say sorry for not being strong for you. For not lifting you up when you really needed me. I am sorry for everything. I am not sorry for loving you so damn much. I am not sorry for calling you my best friend. I am not sorry for the watch2gethers that we had that lasted till one in the morning.  I am not sorry for the amazing memories that we had created. I am not sorry for the amount of growing that we shared. Now, please listen to me please don't stop smiling alright? You need to move on and you need to let the sun shine in your heart again, okay? I know that its gonna be hard cause you are dealing with things right now but you will get through it and you will come out as strong as ever before. Just never ever forget that I love you...I love you so damn much. I cant tell you how much you showed me that smiling and laughing is alright and how its alright to put my walls down to let people in.  Jiyong- I am shaking so bad right now..I remember our first conversation honestly. We were talking about how how we were gonna ride roller coasters with wearing diapers. And ever since then you because such an important person in my life that I cant even explain how important. I know you went through a shit ton and I know that you had your leaving and it makes me so happy to see you finally truly happy again cause man that Ji smile is killer I have to admit. I want to thank you for everything that you have done for me honestly. When ever I was upset or pissed off the one thing you did that I will always cherish is the movies we watched or the talks we had. All those pictures that you have that I drew for you. i love you for everything that you accomplished in your life and in the future. I am always gonna be in your heart and same with chaerins. I am gone but I am still in your hearts and I am in the wind that kisses your face. I love you clearly so much more then giraffes.   Chaerin and Ji- I want you both to be happy. I want you both to hold onto each other and take care of you both. I want you both to never drop that smile cause life is to short to be sad and crying. I don't want tears when you have my funeral alright? I want everyone laughing and thinking good memories about me.   ..I want people to know how much I love them. How much I love my time here on earth with you all.  By the time someone reads this I will have passed away into sky watching above all of you beautiful people.  I love you so much- I am so sorry.

The storms are raging on the rolling sea And on the highway of regret. The winds of change are blowing wild and free, You ain't seen nothing like me yet.

Tired as hell, hbu.