Deer 🦌 xiegmund freudlian

still believe that one of the greatest bits of all time was on January 6th, 2021 when. well. you know. and twitter was understandably an echo chamber of panic and fear and Justin McElroy just tweeted a selfie with a filter that was like “have a delicious national spaghetti day” followed by 3 tweets that were like “fuck. i’m sorry. i don’t know how to delete scheduled posts” and as i type this two years later i’m laughing

a belated delicious national spaghetti day to you all

the idealized version of my tomorrow self will fix this

not again

My one friend group can't stop saying, "See you in hell!" in a cheerful voice instead of, "Talk to you later!" and my other friend group can't stop calling things "penis" instead of "cool" or "good", so I just unironically uttered the phrase, "Sounds penis, see you in hell," as I got off the phone.

Rats rats rats!! 🐀🐀🐀🐀🐀💛

Inspired by the designs of Juliette (@/cy-lindric)

we need to give this tweet more credit for im pretty sure coining “die mad about it”

checks out, thank you melanie

tbh i didnt know you were supposed to be jerking off while you look at porn

ive been standing with my arms behind my back ponderously like at a museum

wait wait you’ve been pondering at the museum? I’ve just been jerking off there

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

I like these guys

elves are portrayed incorrectly in fantasy. if they knew about deforestation they'd straight up jack off to it

Can you stop making your ‘elves jacking off’ posts dude I recommended your blog to my aunt

who do you think keeps asking me to post these

this perfectly encapsulates the online experience