this grave keeper edible aint shit

who gors there ,

Ugh, was having a great time mocking my recently imprisoned rival when I noticed the camera positioning makes it so that I appear behind the bars, thus framing me as trapped in a metaphorical prison of the narrative, now my whole day is ruined. Fuck.

I get it, man. The other day, I survived a shootout, only to realize that a stray bullet went through a mirror in such a way as to look from the camera's perspective like I got shot in the head through the mirror, so now I have to acknowledge that something that could be reasonably referred to as "me" really did die that day, and it's just like "jfc, gimme a BREAK"

ugh dont even get me started on how the other day i tried to sit on the throne of my conquered foe and light a cigar to celebrate my victory but the lighter wouldnt work and it had to be lighted by the vizier who used to work for my enemy but that i enlisted to work as a double agent and help me in my coup. that jerk afterwards said with a devilish smile "ill always be at your service my liege" and i just KNOW that he said that exact same thing to the previous ruler. signifying that my victory was phyrric since i am still caught in an endless cycle of violence and betrayal. that really spoiled the whole mood

crying

user markshotaros going shooters for karl marx

u forgot the best part

This came across my feed a little bit ago so I'm glad I finally have context for it

@ukaizawa

God, that explains this:

Hertella Auto Kaffeemachine. This Dash-Mounted Coffee Maker Is Likely the Rarest Volkswagen Accessory.

Getting into a KarAkciddent and splashing 3 cups of FükkenScälden all over myself

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

Ebeneezer in 1742 wakes with a start as for some reason he has put out his guttering candle by slapping atop it ith the palm of his hand. His hand is burned and his nightgown and cap are spattered with hot wax.

gordan ramsey said this on kitchen nightmares and it blew me away so i took a screenshot but amazon prime app censored me and handed me this work of art

i thot this was from evangelion

experienced the wrath of god at Claire’s

just say you got an infection from the piercing gun and go

this is the only funny response everyone else shut up

god if there was a book of forbidden spells I wouldn’t even hesitate

you literally have shitty hide armor and a dull ass shortsword. let me guess. your loot is 6 gold coins too? 🙄

last night I had a dream that I met Bill and Ted, and I complimented Bills crop top and said something about how I would wear crop tops if my body was less bogus and he put a hand on my shoulder and said “what’s truly bogus is the way you think about yourself” and Ted nodded solemnly and then I woke up

That was the real bill and ted

I have dodged and parried every javelin thrown at me thus far…just one more and I can marry the chieftain’s daughter! 

Yuntkujeru the Lightning-Armed:

Hey Spock- watch out!

ah beans

does this in front of you

people love to complain about sex scenes in tv shows and violence in movies when the real danger is scenes that make you feel second hand embarrassment.