!!!!!!! I have been locked out of here for YEARS!!!! I don’t even know how the buttons work!
Listen, 2016 was the best year ever for some people. And some of those people don't even know that, they think it was the worst year ever, as every year before it has been, and will continue to be as long as our memories are short and time refuses to perform on schedule. And for some of those people, this will continue to be their best year ever for all their lives. This is it for them. This is all they get. Die in a fire, 2016! they'll scream. Because they don't know. Nothing will get better, or easier, no more accomplishments will be made, no more great milestones, even the small moments will be fewer and farther in between until time finally stops. Feel better now? You're welcome!
How does the lord expect me to supervise the driving of a child who will spend time balancing overflowing trash rather than changing the bag????
Recently I was having a discussion with a close family member and I said – lightly, jokingly – fuck you and the horse you rode in on and they said don’t talk about my mother like that. I assumed they meant it was a favorite phrase of their mother’s but upon further back and forth it came out that they believed the horse to be the mother. It was a metaphor I was told and after my objection to that interpretation I was informed I didn’t understand metaphors. Obviously I took great offense to this, I understand metaphors, I spend my life creating meaning where there is none, and I’ve never met a situation I’ve not read something into. But here, with this phrase, I’d always assumed it was an old timey throw back talking about the actual horse you rode in on. A high horse perhaps, but a horse. Fuck you and the horse you rode in on they repeated while making hand gestures from their private parts to emphasize their meaning. Had the saying been fuck you and the womb you crawled out of I could see, I said, which only proved their point they said since I was being literal. Oh really? Did you literally CRAWL out of your mother’s womb?! How advanced of you! This went on for some time and I did not make the best argument as the conversation ended with me explaining the rules of horse and pig, something they had managed to be oblivious to for sixty some years. I still can’t see the horse as the mother, I can’t. But the very fact that I could not, would not, even were I asked to come up with multiple meanings for the horse, makes this one of the greatest and most delightful conversations I’ve ever had.
In less delightful things, I now have a vegan child. They lecture me and make me watch documentaries where decapitated bodies continue moving while blood spills everywhere. They fill me in on all their latest research – endless research! – and they question me about my morals and ethics. They harass me about the ecosystem and its destruction, something for which, apparently, I am solely to blame. They made the switch at Thanksgiving, four years younger than I made my Thanksgiving switch to vegetarianism many moons ago. My vegan child claims to be more disgusted by vegetarians than meat eaters though their logic gets a little faulty here. I’m pretty sure they just think they’re poser vegans, weak willed and despicable. My phase lasted a year and I don’t think I ate one vegetable the entire time. I was worse than a poser vegan, I was a poser vegetarian. The child is much stronger than I was, or am – something I’m eternally grateful for – and I fear this phase will last much longer than mine. Pray for me.
As soon as I found out I got a job, I developed a cough and got my period. Both of which are not ideal for starting a new job, but it does mean my body is moving out of crisis mode. Somehow my system is able to get germs, and then hold them tightly until it relaxes enough to deal with reality and THEN lets them go. To make me sick. Science should be able to do something with this info. I know, you're like no, stress is reducing your body's ability to fight off infection and THAT'S why you're getting sick. And to you I say, the SECOND I hang up the phone??? No.
Please forget about the debate and concentrate on the fact that I have a job. Thanks!
Twitter is a place to perform fake ass weirdo embraces, not talk about them!
If, by “sustained effort,” any little gentleman has accomplished an epic, let us frankly commend him for the effort – if this indeed be a thing commendable – but let us forbear praising the epic on the effort’s account. It is to be hoped that common sense, in the time to come, will prefer deciding upon a work of Art rather by the impression it makes – by the effect it produces – than by the time it took to impress the effect, or by the amount of “sustained effort” which had been found necessary in effecting the impression. The fact is, that perseverance is one thing and genius quite another . . . .
Edgar Allan Poe sits down next to a dead woman. “More came today. Hundreds of them. They won’t stop!“ He looks over at the woman, her decaying corpse has been covered in you tried star stickers.
Out of sight out of mind is really only applicable to the contents of your refrigerator.
Narcs would be so much better as shorthand for a group of narcissists but it's like, that username is already taken.
Which is worse? When you find out critical information that changes things so suddenly that all you can do is nod your head over and over like you’re erasing the etch a sketch in your mind while trying to rebuild a new picture with said info or! When you find out critical information that changes things so suddenly that your mind refuses to let go of the old picture so you have to repeat said info to yourself over and over again like you’re dory trying to remember an address?
Don't worry, guys, I don't have to reblog that 100k+ notes post because I went back through all the reblogs and replies to MAKE SURE someone said what I was feeling but couldn't see and there was someone! Several someones! Which one might assume would be the case in a post with 100k+ notes and they'd confidently scroll by, safe in knowing their thoughts are not particularly unique, but not me!
That critical time when you've let a situation be -- no poking, no prodding, no testing -- but you still know exactly how much time has passed since the last time you poked/prodded/tested it.
And finally, to complete this unnecessarily choppy thought train, if I were comforting someone (or they were comforting me) and one of us said, this too shall pass, and then we locked eyes right before the other said, danity kane, I would legit consider that a religious experience.
Ugly good angels seems a little untapped, right? Like hideous science fiction/horror abominations? I mean, they get the wings, but they're almost always feathers. It's not like they're rocking some beetle outerwear. They get pegasus wings. I want to see some hardcore fucked up insect angels who you don't trust at first because they're so repulsive.
And I’ll spare you the details about how I walked in nature to welcome fall but there WAS a nature celebration. Instead I’m going to tell you that the description of angels – and listen, Jesus can not save me, I wish he could, but I’m on my own, that is not my path and I know this, but it’s fun to learn things at times – are very insect like which is unsettling but also kind of cool and I’m hoping at some point can be healing in some way. Because who doesn’t like angels? I love angels. I could stand to love the fallen ones a little less but still.
So a super quick glimpse around the internet does not define batman syndrome as I would define batman syndrome which makes questioning whether or not a fictional character suffers from this syndrome a futile exercise without explaining myself. And so I shall! But it's important that we deal in the fictional and/or personal world for this to work. Because I think of batman syndrome as having a backstory that is not quite as horrible or unique as one thinks, especially when the rest of your life is kind of good, and then defining your entire life around that one event. I have suffered from this syndrome in the past! But tragedy and trauma are very personal so that's why we have to leave it as fictional because otherwise you run into problems where people think you're telling them how to deal or when to get over it or normalizing certain things. But I do know for me it helped to realize that tragedy and trauma are not that unusual, even if the individual circumstances vary, so the uniqueness doesn't tether you forever to this one event or events that end up defining your every move because you've been marked or cursed somehow. I've been listening to a lot of morrissey and smiths lately, after not having listened to them for a very long time, and it's different now. Like I like it, I enjoy the music, but it's not commiserating as it once was. I'm not identifying with the majority of it as like, my soul. I see it as more of a whiny, immature part of myself that I recognize and acknowledge but also kind of laugh at. And I don't even think he has batman syndrome, his is one all his own, but I think it's part of an overall distancing of a certain mindset. I would say it's a part of my distancing from backstories in general, but I'm still a sucker for those. Sometimes I'll still fall for a batman syndrome backstory and it takes me a while to realize I'm not actually rooting for an underdog. And you can't talk to them about it. Batman syndrome underdogs are the most convinced of their underdog status.