Gather round kids while I explain this manipulation tactic that men perpetually try to use and why it’s bullshit.
If someone is openly showing interest in you by making disparaging or disappointed comments about your age, they’re trying to put you on the defensive. This guy wants me to try to quell his discomfort, to bring up that I’m only a month shy of 20, etc. - he wants me to try to prove myself to him, that I’m mature and adult enough for a man like him.
His goal is to establish a power imbalance right off the bat. If we were to date, I would constantly be on the defensive, constantly striving to be an equal, constantly trying to prove my “adult” credentials. Anything he says or does or wants from this point on that I object to would just be seen as a strike against my age, proof that he was right and that I’m not mature enough for him. This is how SO MANY men pressure younger individuals (primarily women and girls) into situations and relationships they aren’t comfortable with. If he truly thought I was too young for him, he wouldn’t have messaged me. This is a very calculated move, and it’s fucking gross.
Adult relationships with age gaps are completely fine, but only if all parties view each other as equals. If someone is trying to set you up in a way that ensures that’s never a possibility, run far away.
READ THIS SERIOUSLY READ THIS ^^^^^^^^^^^^
This this this.
Reblogged for the commentary.
This is really important because I think that educating about power imbalances and how to spot that manipulation is a lot better than saying “young people don’t date older people”. I had people use this kind of tactic on me when I was 18/19 as well and it is really damaging.
It be really satisfying to see what happens after you say something like “Get over it then. I wasn’t gonna date you in the first place.”
For that matter: they will try this shit with stuff other than age when you are, in fact, the SAME age. The Pick-Up Artist trash “negging” is a species of this. And it’s still about trying to get Power over you, to put you in a subordinate position, trying to appease/impress.
Which is not to say that older guys (or girls) pulling this shit isn’t bad. It’s to say: keep note of this tactic, because they keep doing it. They just find other ways. And it’s just as much of an indication of “DANGER WILL ROBINSON RUN RUN AWAY” (or “mock the shit out of this guy”) then as with this stuff.
