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Im Just A Little Bit Lost

@adrift-in-spac3 / adrift-in-spac3.tumblr.com

Trauma blog
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notsofine

We all have a child inside us that needs looking after. Yours didn’t get as much care as she needed, so you’re going to have to take extra good care of her now.

Be kind to yourself

- therapy 2.3.18 // but I’m not a child anymore

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You survived the trauma, you will survive the recovery

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this entire year feeIs Iike a haIIucination

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When you load up on caffeine to make yourself less sad, but instead you just get Accelerated Depression™

I love how fucking abstract the concept of Accelerated Depression is. Like, it’s vague as fuck, but we all know what tf it feels like

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Brain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
Me: Can you stop-
Brain, with maximum volume: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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sometimes i just want to scream that i’m fcking traumatized!! cut me a break!! i’m trying my hardest but i never learned how to have a healthy relationship i never learned that i’m valuable i never learned what it’s like to live with a healthy brain please please GIVE ME A BREAK IM TRYING !!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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inkskinned

there will be a moment when you realize you are more grown up than your parents are. this is the loss of childhood, my love. it is when you’re standing in the kitchen and one of your parents is screaming about something and you recognize: you will let them win the fight not because you are wrong, but simply because you know that they will keep shouting unless you drop the subject. you expect them to have childish understandings of things. they will hold onto their concept of the world as if it was not a changing thing. they must be right, and they must be somehow more right than you, always, in everything. their idea of control is so necessary to who they are that you just let it go.

this is the moment. you are 11 or 17 or 21. and you realize that you’re more mature than they ever were. 

and in some odd, sad way, this frees you. where they have stagnated, you continue.

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Tips To Make Yourself Feel ALIVE

  • Drink water so cold it makes our mouth feel a little numb     
  • Pick plants yourself (flowers, herbs, etc) and use them to run  a bath. Take the bath. Enjoy the bath. Close your eyes and dunk your head under the water. 
  • Kiss someone. Not necessarily on the mouth. 
  • Scream. Loudly. High pitched and shriek or low and growly. Until your voice is hoarse,  I like doing it in my car while I’m driving.  
  • Get a good paperback and mark it up. Underline your favorite lines, star your favorite passages,   write notes in the margins. Poetry books are good for this, so are classic novels, so is pretty much anything else you want. 
  • Go for a run. Don’t just jog, actually run, like fully sprint at top speed until you have an asthma attack. (Note: This one requires asthma, and also having an inhaler on hand).
  • Buy Hubba Bubba Bubble Tape (The gum) and eat all of it at once 
  • Lick a tree 
  • Find the tallest building in your town and devise a way to sit on the roof, then go sit on the roof. Meditate there. Be aware of the fact that you’re literally above everybody else. 
  • Collect every blanket/sheet/pillow that you own and then pile all of them on top of you and lay in the abyss 
  • Stab something 
  • Bake something with citrus fruit in it, so that you have to zest the fruit and juice it and just generally enjoy the pulverization of citrus. 
  • Drink something that warms you up from top to bottom to middle to top again.  
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