we're all just whores trying to get our lemons

really excited to go up the mountain with my dad to sacrifice a lamb

looks like he forgot to bring the sacrifice but im just happy to take a walk with him

Hey op any updates?

Mars Attacks! (1996) dir.Tim Burton

they call me pepto cuz this pussy is a bismol

Women be treating themselves to Special Coffee Drinks to motivate themselves to accomplish tedious errands

Icelandic folklore requires you avoid saying the names of evil whales, otherwise you’ll draw their attention.

Yall have evil whales?

Iceland does! They are the illhveli, literally “evil whales”, and they live to kill you. They love nothing more than killing and eating humans and sinking their ships. Their greatest enemy is the steypireydur (that’s blue whale to you), which is the greatest of the good whales and the protector of sailors.

All evil whales are, well, evil. So evil that if you speak their name at sea, they will hear it and home in on you. So instead you use all sorts of euphemisms for their names. Also if you try to cook their meat it literally disappears from the pot. That’s right, they’re so evil, you can’t even eat them.

They include such types as the hrosshvalur (horsewhale), with big eyes and a red mane and tail. This is probably the best known and most feared of the lot.

The raudkembingur (redcomb) is especially cruel and bloodthirsty even by illhveli standards. If you manage to escape it, it will die of frustration.

Good luck escaping the mushveli (mousewhale) though, it has legs! And will clamber onto the beach in pursuit!

Or what about death from above? The stökkull (jumper) leaps high into the air and pile-drives boats to pieces.

Meanwhile the skeljungur (shellwhale) sits in the path of boats and lets them get wrecked on its shelly hide…

… while the sverdhvalur (swordwhale) slices through boats with its dorsal fin.

The katthveli (catwhale) is relatively harmless though. It meows.

The same can’t be said of the lyngbakur (heatherback), a classic island fish that lets sailors get on its back and then dives, taking them to a watery grave.

The nauthveli (oxwhale) on the other hand specially targets cattle, attracting them into the sea with its bellow before tearing them apart.

How can you avoid all these murderous whales, like the taumafiskur (bridlefish) here? Any of a number of ways, including getting a steypireydur to help. There are substances, ranging from angelica to sheep dung and chopped fox testicles, that they find abhorrent. And you can distract them with loud noises and barrels.

For more, I assure you this link will answer all your questions.

https://abookofcreatures.com/category/illhveli/

This is also why fairies were referred to as the ‘Good Neighbors’ and why there are so many nicknames for Satan.

The concept of avoidance speech is endlessly fascinating and rife with plot points for writing, but honestly I’m just thrilled about the EVIL WHALES.

This is literally what it's like using Tumblr.

if i had the aladdin lamp i would ask for a genie blowjob and then a second genie blowjob immediately after. my third wish would be to increase world hunger

Rich people in a nutshell

I can’t finish this. My hands are shaking. Someone else do it

Thanks

Wait a minute

i think people in the middle ages acutally did know how to make photorealistic drawings they just chose not to because it’s funnier to draw some fucked up creature

they actually did make photorealistic drawings things just looked different back then

The Cancellation of Socrates - Jacques Louis David, 1787

SEX IS NOT THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD FEEL LOVED, A REMINDER

me in five years when i still don’t have my life together:

Oh? You know me? Name 3 traumas you're directly responsible for