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i just want a nap.

@sp00py-hawkguy / sp00py-hawkguy.tumblr.com

lexi | xxi | ontario, canada | york u | physics & astronomy major video games, comic books, space science. world of warcraft.
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strawmaerry

gojo & megumi. | g. satoru

gojo satoru bringing home fushiguro megumi was something you did not anticipate of.

you were cooking a welcome home food for your menace, satoru, when he startled you with his teleportation and a frowning kid.

“hello to my prettiest girl, the love of my life, the light in the dar—”

you shushed him. “i thought you work as a sorcerer, never thought you would take kidnapping as a part time job.”

he pouted. he had the audacity to be offended. “excuse me?! how dare you accuse me of such blasphemous claim?”

you shrugged, used to his outrageous reactions. “well, you’re definitely the type of man that my mom warned me about. those guys who would entice you with candies just to get in a van?” you looked at him, up and down, “yup, that’s you.”

before he could answer, you heard a snicker from the kid. your lips slightly curled up before raising an eyebrow at your irritating (affectionately) boyfriend.

“oh,” he stupidly realized, “this is megumi, i’ve bought him from an auction.”

megumi kicked satoru’s shin and he pretended to be hurt. the spiky-haired boy dusted off the invisible particles on his clothes.

you snorted before going back to cooking dinner.

“so, tell me why you decided to change career that involves kidnapping children?”

“well, i wanted to practice on how to take care of a child when we decided to have one.”

you accidentally put your hand over the burning stove and satoru practically flies to you. he basically becomes a mother hen as he blows your hands.

“[name]! oh my god, what happened?”

you go to the sink to wash your hands as you blankly stare at your burning hands. oh man, you think your hearing is deteriorating. you’re hearing some things that are… impossible.

“satoru, you’re not funny.”

satoru, who has the most alabaster skin, pales. he’s hearing his government name. not ‘toru, baby, pretty boy, my husband.

“haha, pretty baby, what do you mean? i’m always funny. ha. ha.”

“don’t kid around like that. you know our job is…” you trail off, unable to continue the sentiment.

in a world where you attend more funerals than birthdays; you greet more corpse than people; having to work under those ungrateful elders, tomorrow is uncertainty, so you try to enjoy the present as much as you’re alive.

he seems confused for a moment before a dawning realization etches on his face. his eyes soften before wrapping his arms around your waist.

“i really wanna see you carry my babies, y’know? wanna see you round and full an—okay! i know we’re still not finish in school but whenever i see my future, i see you in it. i see us together. i see us forever and i want that. i don’t want to live in a life without your presence. you brought me so much joy if you weren’t crying right now, i would be on my knees begging for you to take me. make me your one and only. make me the happiest and luckiest man on earth because that’s my only purpose why i was born in this cruel, yet beautiful world. i live for you.”

tears run down on your cheeks as you hear satoru’s honest thoughts about his joke. oh my god, how did a simple joke turn into an almost-but-not-quite proposal?

you cradle his face between your hands and kiss his sweet, soft lips that utter nothing but devotion to you. you feel him smile against yours.

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Katy: I don’t know how to tell them that without hurting their feelings.
Wayne: Punch them. In the face. Straight hit.
Katy: What? No!
Wayne: You said, “without hurting their feelings”. Punch them in the face. Their feelings aren’t hurt.
Katy:
Darry: Face might be, though.
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jolyene

EVERYONE PUT THIS GIF ON YOUR BLOG IMMEDIATLY IT WILL PROTECT YOU FROM THE VIRUS!!

image

Don’t know how it protects me from Ebola but alright alright. If it keeps me safe

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dzamie

this post has lived through two virus-related surges in activity completely unrelated to its original meaning

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sunfortune

this scene isnt supposed to be funny but this part has me WEAK Every Time

tony: i made weapons that killed people

steve: thats your personal problem

this is still a top 5 funniest mcu moment. ​none of their actual written jokes could top this

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lgbt-tiktoks

Caption:

[Man 1: (singing) One last time. Did you just... flick my hand away from your hand? It just like registered like three seconds later. Why did you do that? You didn’t want the Hydrangeas to see? They’re homophobic ya know. That’s why they’re not blooming as well.

They’re spewing hate. So they’re not... blooming. That’s how that works by the way. If you spew hate you don’t bloom, as a human. So you can tell when someone’s unhappy and they’re causing pain to someone else, you’re just a flower who’s not blooming and you’re mad you’re not blooming.

But it’s because you’re mad at the other person. So just stop being mad at the other person and focus on your blooming. Focus. On. Your blooming! (laugh) They’re really not doing so well.

Man 2: And that’s because they’re homophobic?

Man 1: Or the soil.]

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day one of quarantine. i’ve gathered my most glamorous friends with the most shocking secrets to my secluded mansion. but there’s been a mysterious murder…….

irresponsible gathering. im calling the police

there was also a murder

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swag won’t pay the bills but apparently neither will your degree

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