this post has been a wild ride for me

i may ‘have depression’ and ‘not function properly’ but guess what?

what?

Gay

@marrow-bone

some underappreciated vines i haven’t seen in any vine compilation yet i that found way deep in my vines tag

I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact Does not mean:  I’m ignoring you Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company. Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them Does not mean: I hate you! Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.

I love this post omg, thank you so much. As a lifelong cat person, dogs perplex me because they’re so completely different behaviourally.

I love dogs too but, I’ve been trying to tell people, you canNOT treat cats like you treat dogs. They arent the same animals and have very different personalities

P.s.: people often pet cats way too hard. Dogs like a firm pet or a pat on the belly, cats dont have the same bone structure and are more flexible than dogs so what you’re doing probably hurts them

Sitting and staring Does not mean: I am challenging you/plotting your demise/just generally evil and creepy. Actually means: I am a desert-adapted species, so my natural tears are very thick and keep my eyes moist for a nice long time. I do find people interesting and enjoy watching them.  I just don’t need to blink very often!

Staring and blinking slowly Does not mean: I’m smug and think I am smarter than you. Actually means: I like you! But I don’t need to get up in your face to show it.  I can just sit over here and blow kisses at you to show you I am glad you are around!

It’s very frustrating for me when people expect cats to act like dogs, or act like they’re deceitful.  They aren’t!  They just AREN’T DOGS.

Pour les chats 🐈💞

Get ready for “more reasons why I fucking love cats”

CATS 😍😍😍😍

when a cat turns their back on you, they’re not snubbing you. they’re trusting you to watch their back.

notice how when you’re unfamiliar but nonthreatening, they might loaf facing you and sorta halfway watch you. you’re not fully trusted, but you’re ok by them.

when you’re familiar and liked, they’ll often sit near you facing the same way. imitation of poses is a weird little way cats show solidarity. they do it to each other too. check out these bff’s:

they are doing this on purpose. it’s a buddy thing. so if you’re watching tv and a cat sits next to you and pretends to watch tv too, they are basically calling you bro and declaring friendship.

and if they really love and trust you, they’ll turn their back on you and go to sleep. they’ll sleep facing a wall in your presence, or lounge where they can’t see the room. this isn’t a snub, folks, this is true kitty love. they’re saying, “i feel safe when you’re around. i know nothing’s going to sneak up on me, because you’re here. i feel so safe i can stick my head under a pillow and snore with my butt pointed at you.”

farts aren’t an expression of love, though, as far as i know. they’re just farts.

This is why I love cats!

I’ve been wanting to find something like this for a long time.

i love cats more than anything in the world oh my god i needed this i’m gonna cry

the “deserved better” squad:

Lmfao

This post honestly keeps getting better

Raccoons are the worst. You expect them to go through your stuff and steal your food while you’re camping, but they don’t stop there - half the time, they’ll be curious enough to come over and touch you. They prod your sleeping body with their horrible little people hands, run their claws through your hair, hold your fingers with their own. I’ve never been aggressively menaced by one, but they’ve slapped my ass through hammock fabric on multiple occasions and stroked my face or hands on others. I’ve played tug-of-war with large raccoons through my window when they grabbed the string to the yarn-and-cup telephone I’d set up with my neighbor.

I AM SO GLAD THAT I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HATES THEIR PEOPLE HANDS.

My first year at camp, our tent was infiltrated by at least six raccoons. They made scratching, shuffling noises as they crawled in from all sides. Somehow they were strong enough to shove our trunks across the ground, and started undoing zippers with horror-film slowness. How they didn’t wake anyone else up, I will never know. The shuffling noises suddenly stopped. They chittered to each other, and the sound was much closer than I had expected. Then I felt hands. Tiny fucking human hands touching my arms, not quite digging in with claws, and I whimpered and tried not to scream. This went on all night long.

I fucking hate raccoons.

They come into the cabins at camp every night. I’ve never had one touch any of my campers, but that’s only because I sleep with my hand curled around the handle of a broomstick and have trained myself to recognize their snuffling and scrabbling. I have leapt out of a bunk to sweep them forcefully out of the cabin in the dead of night, to sleepy tween boys whispering “Wow… you’re like a superhero…”

What if I want little hair goblins to sneak in at night and gently touch my face with their weird tiny fingers

then boy do I have the place for you

I’m sorry I’m over here laughing my ass off because someone got their ass slapped by a raccoon… oh please karma be kind, it’s just so ridiculous sounding but I know every word of it is true. XDDD

There’s nothing more disconcerting than almost drifting off in the coziness of your hammock, only for a wee little hand to pat-pat-pat right on your ass through the fabric.

a while back, ghostbong bought a very cheap, very used Roomba from craigslist.  ”so, you’re going to ‘hack’ this, right?” said the man at the parking lot rendezvous.  but we just wanted a vacuum.  since then, the addition of the word “robot” to our casual, every-day lexicon is continually jarring, as if even living in the future will give you future-shock.

doing maintenance on the robot.  the robot is stuck on a cord.  the robot ate a sock.  the robot ran out of power before it got back to its charging station.  the robot knocked something over.  it doesn’t help that the Roomba programmers saw fit to outfit the little thing with a series of Artoo-like MIDI scales and honks, to convey the mood of its message: docking successfully produces a tiny fanfare, and getting its brushes jammed on a foreign object makes it cry out in sad distress. do i verbally reassure the robot when i pull a wad of cat hair and bread bag tabs out of its works and set it back down on the floor? you bet i do.

but the larger point is that it is now possible no for me to say (or type) out loud and without irony, sarcasm, or any kind of fictitiousness: “the robot knocked over the kitten’s water dish >:I “

the future is here, and it is me on my knees on the floor yanking hairballs out of a domestic droid while it softly boops at me

this may be my favorite post in the history of tumblr

i don’t know nothing about mooming but i am best friends with that three inch tall onion head FREAK that looks like an 80 year old 2 year old

this thing is every swear word personified

actually ive decided that infinity war just needs to be 2.5 hours of peter parker trying his best to address various adult superheroes as politely as possible and struggling a lot. attempts range from “your majesty mr panther sir” (accepted with only a small twitch of the lips & shuri giggling a lot) to “starlord”, which earns him 2 hours of riotous mockery from a talking raccoon

“Peter. Mr. Man was my father. Just call me Ant.”

“I already have an aunt tho”

My aunts cat is HUGE

That thing better be paying rent

oh good