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Lesbiannet

@solvecrimeandjuicelimes / solvecrimeandjuicelimes.tumblr.com

Anne, 28, Australia, Wurundjeri Country, she/they. Officially a Lesbiannet
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now that I’ve been back a while I’m getting the age old “is this okay to reblog” questions on my posts, and I would like to say what I have always said which is that 1. Yes. 2. You should never

Ever

post a single thing on this site that would make you uncomfortable or cause trouble for you if someone shared it elsewhere. Yes, even if you disable reblogs on the post.

It’s not nice, but you have absolutely zero expectation of privacy or containment regarding anything you post to any social media. Even if it’s social media that only your friends can view. It’s still up and out there.

If it would be upsetting or dangerous or just plain awkward for something you post here to show up elsewhere—I cannot stress this enough—Do Not Post It.

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alternatives to “i want to die”:

  • i want things to change
  • i want a different life
  • today was a shitty day/week
  • i don’t want to live like this
  • i want to be somewhere else in life
  • i’m not where i want to be yet
  • + much more
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3l1zzy

Here's a few that I started to say because I thought they were funny so I was more likely to use them!

  • Wack
  • Unfortunate (can be shortened to unforch)
  • Sub-par execution
  • I would prefer the opposite of this, actually
  • Not a fan of this approach
  • Not very cash-money
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qthewhatever

"I am about to become the joker" is one of mine

some more to add to the list

  • Can we not?
  • I'd prefer that ya didn't.
  • This is not ideal.
  • This did not spark joy.
  • No thank you. (just, in general.)
  • Skill issue. (or, alternatively) Speed run strats.
  • Why are you like this? (aimed at the universe, not you)
  • Awesome. (it is, in fact, not awesome)

and my personal favorite

  • This is gonna be a whole thing, isn't it?

the one i use is "this doesn't make me very joyous or whimsy"

this is not very epic and fortnite

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hileynoteson
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attackfish

As it is Passover again, it is time for the annual debate as to whether the frog plague, which thanks to a quirk in the Hebrew, is written as a plague of frog, singular, rather than the plural, plague of frogs, was in fact, as generally imagined, a plague of many frogs, or instead a singular giant Kaiju frog. This is an ancient and venerable argument that actually goes back to the Talmud because this is what the Jewish people are. If we can't argue for fun about this sort of thing, what are we even doing.

In that spirit, I would like to submit a third possibility, which is that in fact it was one perfectly normal sized frog, who was absolutely acing Untitled Frog Game: Ancient Egypt Edition. One particularly obnoxious frog, who through sheer hard work, managed to plague all of Egypt.

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Oddly specific. Got a deposit for 6,837 today

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weaselle

fuck it, i never ever do those “reblog for X, this one really works!” posts, but this one doesn’t have any of that BS, this is just straight up wishing us good things; and then the comment doesn’t even say any of that either. Zero claims on this post, all positive vibes

May you end this week feeling ever more certain of a future you’ll love

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vmohlere
May you end this week feeling ever more certain of a future you’ll love
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When I was a very tiny child my mom was in a local production of The Reluctant Resurrection of Sherlock Holmes, a play where Arthur Conan Doyle is hired to investigate a murder at a haunted house with Sherlock Holmes, a figment of Doyle’s imagination that only he can see and hear. Doyle very sincerely believes that the house is haunted, and Holmes thinks that Doyle is a moron

I was too young to appreciate this concept when I was a child, now that I’m older it’s the best concept for a play I’ve ever heard in my life.

holy fuck I need to see that

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foone

Bad idea: Age gap discourse but in a fantasy land where there's multiple races who have vastly different lifespans and life styles.

Is it wrong for a 27 year old human to date a 140 year old stone elf, considering most stone elves don't get out of diapers till their 30s?

Is it wrong for a 80 year old dwarf to date a two year old fire wisp, when fire wisps only live up to 5 years (between the eruptions) and have memories of their past lives, so in a way they're "born" at age 400,000+? That octogenarian dwarf is way younger than the fire wisp that's only physically younger than some of the socks the dwarf has!

Is it wrong for a chronomancer who was never born to date, well, anyone? They are zero years old and infinity years old and negative one hundred and seventeen years old all at once. They look like an old human, sure, with the long white beard and the wrinkly skin, but as far as anyone can tell, they've always looked like that. We've seen the cave paintings.

Is it wrong for a 30 year old lizardman (that's old in lizardman years) to date a human who is 60 years old in biological years (because of aging spells), 26 years old in lived-experience years, but only 13 years old in calendar years? (ie, they were born 13 years ago, but spent some of that time in sideways timelines, so they've lived more years than have passed in their home timeline?)

Is it wrong for a 12,000 year old dragon date a pile of 400 kobolds when kobolds only live like 10 years on average, but reach full maturity in one year? And if you disagree, can you do anything about it? You do know what happened to the last policeman who tried to arrest a dragon, right? Their city is still smoldering, 50 years later.

Is it wrong for anyone to date the time worm? It's the same age, every year. So the age gap can only intensify. If you start dating the time worm when you're both the same age, when do you break it off because you've become too much older than them?

And most confusing of all... What about the fairies? They could be anything between a thousand and a day old, they would lie about their age either way, and they can look like whatever they want. There's fairies we know for a fact have been around since the founding of The City of Towers, who met the silent mother herself, and also look like they're at most ten years old. Is it wrong to date them, or just really uncomfortable for everyone who sees it? And on the other side there's fairies who are "born" (hatched? They come from plants, I'm not sure what the verb even would be. Seeded? Sprouted, maybe) this week who are already appearing like middle-aged men and dancing with widows in what looks like a scheme to run off with her fortune but they never take the money, because what would a fairy want with worthless metal discs? Maybe fairies have a hive mind or genetic memory or reincarnation with full memories, they'd never tell you or give you a straight (or consistent) answer anyway.

Stone golems are really the only inter-race dating situation anyone can agree on. They're unthinking & unmoving solid rock during the day, so those hours don't count. Thus their "real age" is a nice even half of their true age. So if you meet a stone golem who was dug out 30 years ago, watch out: that's a 15 year old, and if you're a 25 year human, that's too young for you, even though their dig-date is five years before your birth-date.

Oh this is easy actually you can only date if you're within one or two challenge ratings of each other, otherwise you need to double the species with the weaker CR. So a level 10 adventurer can date 1,024 orcs or a juvenile dragon, and a commoner can date a housecat (but watch out for bites)

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I would be the worst spy of all time because on one hand I overshare like hell, but on the other hand I also have THE shittiest memory so it’s really a lose/lose scenario for everyone involved.

guy interrogating me: What’s the passcode?

me: Ah fuck. I think it might be 792.....4?

me: Actually no I think it starts with a 2.

me:

me: Yeah I usually just rely on muscle memory for it. Do you think you could get a keypad in here? That might be faster.

guy interrogating me: who do you work for?!

me: Okay, so this is super embarrassing. I know he told me his name when we first met but I forgot and at this point it would be weird if I asked him for his name again, right? So I just kind of go with “sir” whenever I have to talk to him. It might be David though. He looks like a David.

me, after being extracted: bad news guys, I totally blew Dave’s cover.

my boss: Wait, what?

me: Yeah, like they had knives and shit and it was kind of stressful so I just told them that my contact’s name was David Johnson. Really sorry about that.

boss: We don’t have a David Johnson working for us. Are you thinking of James?

me

me: Good news, guys, I did not blow James’ cover!

Enemy 1: So, how did the interrogation go?

Enemy 2: We got nothing. All they did was ramble on about their childhood trauma for two hours.

Enemy 1: Hmm. maybe lower the dose of the truth serum next time.

Enemy 2: We didn’t use truth serum.

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"AO3 doesn't need a "dislike" button"

Um, actually, it already has one. Depending on your specs, it might look a little different but over all it looks kinda like this:

You can find it at the corner of your screen, which corner is dependent on your layout.

Anyway, if you dislike a fic, you can hit this Dislike Button until the fic goes away. It really is pretty amazing actually.

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