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killerqueen

@fresheima

I don't even know. If you scroll far down enough you'll find every little thing I was into in my early twenties. Now I am 30 and freshly I love with Yakuza. πŸ’πŸ»β€β™€οΈ feminist killjoy ✨ fat ✨ pole dancing ✨ witch craft ✨ fictional crushes
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Okay, I’ve been putting it off, but it’s finally here. My KazuMaji playlist, which I have titled β€œMad Dragon” because I think that’s a much cooler ship name : | This is informed mainly by whatever I’ve heard lately on FM radio and I’ll probably add to this as I go, but this hit my metric for being complete enough to post ^^;

Mad Dragon Playlist via youtube (I can also probably put this together via spotify if needed)Β 

β€œVan Horn” - Saint MotelΒ 

Well, tell me do you me hate me? Or do you wanna date me? It’s kinda hard to tell β€˜cause your eyes are looking crazy So why you coming over? Anything but sober? Looking like it’s time tonight For fight or flight in Van Horn

I thought this would nicely start us off at the beginning of Kiwami 1. Like, look at those words and tell me you don’t INSTANTLY think of Kiryu. I sure as fuck did when I heard this song for the first time. This is defs Kiryu’s first impression of Majima and not knowing what in fuck’s name just happened. The eternalΒ β€œAre we supposed to be fighting or fucking right now?”

β€œTake Me Home Tonight” - Eddie MoneyΒ 

Take me home tonight I don’t wanna let you go 'til you see the light Take me home tonight Listen, honey, just like Ronnie sang, Be my little baby!

Ah, and with that, we enter what I like to call the Horny section. And nothing more appropriate than an egregiously horny 80s ballad. Really sets the scene I think. And an excellent counterpoint toΒ β€œVan Horn’s” confusion is the absolute certainty of Majima’s first impression here. His entire goal since meeting Kiryu is, well… to make him take him home ^^; Let’s be real. Absolutely no confusion about what he wants out of this. Horny, but also very sweet, just like our boy ❀

β€œFaith” - George MichaelΒ 

Well, I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body I know not everybody has got a body like you But I gotta think twice before I give my heart away And I know all the games you play because I played them, too

I would be truly remiss to write a queer playlist from the 80s without doing credit to our king, George Michael. So, continuing the Horny theme, but also, as you all might recall, the leaping directly into Kiryu’s lap gambit didn’t quite work out. And this is about that nervousness, that hesitation. And if Kiryu’s not going to put out, so to speak, then Majima’s better off holding back a bit. This is a reaction to Kiryu’s, well, rejection would be a strong word, but at least lack of reciprocation. Majima still wants him, clearly, but he’s reconsidering his strategy. Perhaps an early Kiwami 2 vibe.Β 

β€œIt Will Come Back” - HozierΒ 

I know who I am when I’m alone! Something else when I see you, You don’t understand, you should never know, How easy you are to need…
Don’t let me in with with no intention to keep me! Jesus Christ! Don’t be kind to me! Honey, don’t feed me, I will come back

And so ends our Horny arc. The longingΒ of this, the pining. As much as Majima knows he shouldn’t, Kiryu’s so… nice. He’s sweet, he’s tender. He’s so unbearablyΒ easy to fall for. He’s such a fuckingΒ good guy, it’s just… His helpless desire to be a part of that. Mmmm. This is a motif that stretches the whole of their relationship, but is certainly pronounced in 2 and 3. Hell, there’s even howlingΒ for fuck’s sake.Β 

β€œDragging Me Down” - Travis Love Benson & Yo! The MoonΒ 

Oh, this feels like a misstep, oh what a mistake! But I’ve fallen in with feelings that I cannot shake, The darkness that pulls me is dragging me down! And I think that I might be willing to drown

Ah, that inevitable horror. You’ve tried to resist, you’ve tried talking yourself down, you’ve spent time away and… yep, no, you’re good and in love. You’re fucked. This is a special kind of feeling, after the resistance, after the pining, the terrible realization that you’d give your life for this and there’s absolutely nothing you can do. Arguably, Majima’s felt like this the whole time as he’s always been afraid of what being in love with Kiryu will mean. But this is ESPECIALLY a game 4 feel. When there’s absolutely nothing you’re getting out of this, less than nothing, but you just can’t break with the feelings. You’re gonna die like this and tehre’s nothing you can do about it. Kiryu spends a bigger portion of his life than he would like to admit fighting against realizing this.

β€œRunning Up That Hill” - Meg MyersΒ 

It doesn’t hurt me, Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know? Know that it doesn’t hurt me Do you want to hear about the deal that I’m making? You, it’s you and me

What comes after the terrible realization that you’ll die like this? The dedication. The resignation. If you’re gonna die like this, may as well make it worth something. BIG game 4 energy here. You may as well be playing this over the arrest scene.Β β€œRunning Up That Hill” is a classic for any love story where some dumbfuck is stupid enough to be self-sacrificing and oh, look at that, we have two of them.Β β€œRunning Up That Hill” is so gutting though because it doesn’t assume a happy ending. It assumes that if the trade works, this still all ends in tragedy. But it’ll be worth it. Make that big Game 5 energy as well.

β€œKing and Lionheart” - Of Monsters and MenΒ 

Howling ghost they reappear In mountains that are stacked with fear But you’re a king and I’m a lion-heart
And in the sea that’s painted black Creatures lurk below the deck But you’re a king and I’m a lion-heart
And as the world comes to an end I’ll be here to hold your hand 'Cause you’re my king and I’m your lion-heartΒ 

Another absolute classic. I think it’s illegal anymore to make a shipping playlist withoutΒ β€œKing and Lionheart.” I certainly have more ships than I can shake a stick at that fit this song. But it’s a classic for a reason. This takes all the dedication we developed inΒ β€œRunning Up That Hill” and argues that it doesn’t have to be tragedy. See, the problem with the previous is the sacrifice is one-sided and unacknowledged.Β β€œKing and Lionheart” says what if we both knew? What if you let me do this for you? What if these were our roles and we were happy? It doesn’t all have to end in tragedy if we just… know. And that’s the real dream isn’t it? Be my king, let me be your lionheart. *stares helplessly at Kiryu Should Have Been Chairman AU*

β€œI Want You to Want Me” - Letters to CleoΒ 

Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying? Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?!Β Β  Feeling all alone without a friend, you know you feel like dying! Didn’t I, didn’t I, didn’t I see you crying?Β 

It was hard for me to decide where to put this, but I do feel it belongs on this list.Β β€œI Want You to Want Me” on surface level expresses a fairly typical expression of infatuated puppy love. But it’s the above, this part, that really strikes me. Because that isn’t just the adoring desperation of courtship. Didn’t I see you crying, didn’t I see you vulnerable, didn’t I see you broken, and didn’t I love you anyway? Didn’t I see you crying and didn’t it doΒ something to me to see you like that? That isn’t just blind desire. I’m still not sure where this should go and I may find a better spot for it eventually, but this is about the fact that they get each other’s broken pieces. That there’s some deep, vulnerable shit to work through and… seeing it and still wanting to be a part of things, fuck, even still feeling that blind puppy love is… really something. This is certainly part of Kiryu’s love language. He never sees ugliness in people and he has a profound propensity to take care of others. This is a thing he wants to say.

β€œI Still Ain’t Over You” - AugustanaΒ 

Hey, I’m the blood in your veins, I’m the cold when it rains, And I’m your heart when it breaks- Time, no it ain’t on our side, I’m the truth to your lies, And I’m your tear, when you cry

This is a different kind of pining. This is that post-break up pining, the know-I-should-get-over-it pining. It’s not the pining you get when your courting. It’s not even the resigned to rejection pining. It’s that important part of getting over a break up where you’re still dealing with what it was you had or wanted and can’t let go of yet. Big Game 3 energy, but also Game 6. Because this also has a little hope for what still might be. There’s longing for what was, but also the possibility of the future. That’s what’s so confusing about it. Not knowing how to let go or what to let go of. I also just really like this song and I’m also just physically incapable of not putting Augustana in my playlists. You can really tell me generation there.Β 

β€œWith or Without You” - U2

And you give yourself away, and you give yourself away! And you give! And you give! And you give yourself away! With or without you! With or without you, I can’t live… with or without you…

To be honest, this song basically makes no damn sense. Because it’s not asking for anything, like… it has no solution. But it perfectly encapsulates the heartbreak of being in love with something that can never happen. Game 5/Game 6 energy if I ever saw it. Just… the rawness… the desperation. It’s a classic for a reason.

β€œNeeding/Getting” - Ok GOΒ 

So I been sitting around, wasting my time, Wondering what you been doing. Aw, and it ain’t real forgiving, it ain’t real forgiving, Sitting here picturing someone else living. And I, yeah I still need you, But what good’s that gonna do? Needing is one thing, and getting, Getting’s another.

So we’ve had the break up. We’ve had the heartbreaking realization that what we wanted can never happen. And now… we’re finally coming to terms with that a little bit. Finally going, y’know what? I may never be over this, but I should probably try to move on with my life anyway.Β β€œNeeding/Getting” is at least admitting that this is a losing proposition. We may not be all the way to healing and, heaven forbid, getting over it. But we’ve gotten as far as… this is pretty dumb.

β€œMy Love” - Sia

My love, leave yourself behind Beat inside me, leave you blind My love, look what you can do I am mending, I’ll be with you

So… after you realize that this isn’t going to get any better and, maybe, you don’t like being heartbroken all the time… sometimes you try to let things go. Big Game 6 energy. There’s a lot to love, there’s a lot to appreciate. And letting go doesn’t mean letting it all go, it doesn’t mean forgetting or regretting. But it can mean… moving on. Taking all you loved and learned with you, but moving on. To not give up on yourself, to keep doing what you promised you’d do, sometimes you gotta. There’s a lot of endings in Yakuza and a lot we may have to accept.Β β€œMy Love” is about honoring that and keeping that love strong.

β€œSomewhere OnlyΒ We Know” - Lily Allen

And if you have a minute, why don’t we go Talk about it somewhere only we know? This could be the end of everything So why don’t we go? So why don’t we go?

But, then again, who says we can’t try again? After we’ve accepted our loss, our endings, who says we can’t be close to the people we love when we still love them? This is how I tend to favor post-5 and even post-6 thoughts. Why can’t we just have nice things? I mean… jeez, c’mon. Please. I like to think that after all the pining and regret, we could still come to terms. We could realize how silly we’re being and just… it’s as easy as just asking for a little time.Β 

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