who are you?

oh this is nothing that chewing my leg off like an animal stuck in a trap cant solve

i hope a ceiling fan falls on the empty spot in the bed next to you and it starts understanding your needs

thrre should be a eels tearing apart a human corpse emoji

Great. Just great. My son didn't inherit my bloodline curse. God I hate him so much.

Fuck i just got shot you gotta suck the bullet out beffore it kills me!

the lobotomy was a failure. tgey trued to scoop that thang out and it bit them cause it lovesme too much to leave

in the urinal making all the other boys jealous that their urethras are like a cheaply crafted ancient teapot that splashes piss everywhere whereas mine is like a finely crafted ancient teapot that will cause no splatter regardless of the height of the stream.

2008

One must imagine Sisyphus getting some sort of sick sexual pleasure out of all that

The joy of song.

getting wicked drunk on honeydew behind my shoe house and smoking a mint leaf that a caterpillar sold me for five acorns

gay surgeon taking out my organs: intestines, slay. Liver, slay. Spleen, slay. Appendix… FLOP!

me: can yuo turn the lady Gaga down it’s making the anesthetic wear off