Thoughts that keep Gabi up at night

Holiness isn’t about morality or doing the right things or even being obedient; It’s more than that. Holiness is being set apart for a specific use by God.  Holiness is telling God, “here I am, use me according to your will.”

the spirituality of sleepless nights

I’m not a great sleeper…. I’m sure many of you can relate. Between academics, extracurriculars, and relationships, sleep is hard to come by... even for those who sleep like rocks. Sometimes, It’s just really hard to turn your brain off, and lying in bed for hours awake and worrying, processing, or just thinking can become a nightly routine. 

I have tried sleeping pills, hot showers, long walks, and everything else in the book, but none of them seemed to solve the long-term problem. 

Here is the #1 thing that made a significant difference: I had to actually prepare myself to go to sleep. About 30 minutes before I want to crawl into bed, I found that I need to go through a routine of preparing my body, mind, and soul to rest.

Here’s the thing: I had been either doing homework or talking to my roommates before quickly (and stressfully) throwing on pjs so that I could be in bed at a certain time with my heart pounding from all the adrenaline. That made the time before I was supposed to rest very un-restful. 

Instead, I trained myself to go through a routine before I lie down to sleep every night. My body is able to recognize this nightly order as the “resting routine”—a time of preparation that switches my mentality from “go do” to “be still.”

When we think about this simple ritual that prepares our bodies for a physical night’s rest, it raises another question: what do our souls need for a true spiritual rest?

I have recently realized that just as I don’t prepare myself for physical sleep on a weekday night, I also don’t prepare my heart for Sunday church services, weekly school chapels, or daily devotions. I jump right in, expecting to get an emotional high. But the truth is, I don’t really learn anything of value or worship my Lord fully when I don’t prepare myself to come before Him. 

Priests in the OT had to prepare themselves extensively before coming before the Lord—they had to be completely ritually and spiritually clean with the proper garments on their body and the correct sacrifice in hand. Why do I have the right to do anything less? 

When I come before the Lord, I have realized that there are a couple things I need to do: 

1. Set myself apart: I need to find a place and time that allows me to focus and be able to truly express what I need to say to God. That may be in my room, in a church, or in a bathroom stall. Just somewhere relatively solitary and still. 

2. Confess: I need to spend a moment bringing my sins, anxieties, praises, and thanksgivings before God before I start reading His word or asking Him questions. I need to unload my heart so that He can fill it up in the right way. 

3. Ask for understanding: This is especially important before reading God’s word. We should always stop and pray for understanding from the Holy Spirit. God himself dwells within us—don’t you think we should ask Him to come into our hearts and help us interpret and apply scripture? 

So when we come before the Lord, we need to have a heart that is ready to receive what he offers. Just as I need to train my body when it is time to sleep, so I need to be trained when it is time for worship. 

-31Women (Beth) 

363 days until Christmas

Walgreens has their Valentine’s Day products out. When I walked in to buy something Christmas-themed, I laughed at the sight of the pink stuffed-animals and heart-shaped boxes lining the top shelves, waiting for their turn. “How ridiculous,” I thought, “We’re not even done taking down our Christmas trees yet!”

But then we realized something; Walgreens wouldn’t have their Valentine’s Day decorations out yet if people weren’t going to buy them. Tish Harrison Warren, author of “Liturgy of the Ordinary” explains that “our culture tends to rush from celebration to celebration—from a month of Halloween, to two months of Christmas to the Super Bowl, Cinco De Mayo, and on and on.”

We aren’t a culture that accepts waiting. But in truth, waiting is a spiritual practice.

Waiting reminds us of two important truths:

1) Time is not our own: I don’t know about you, but when I am stressed or upset, my main complaint is time. I go to bed angrily, wishing that I just had more time for everything—studying, sleeping, talking, exercising, etc. We live in a world that tells us that time is something we own and control. I need to be productive, multi-tasking, focused, and just generally going 24/7, and when something comes along and messes up my color-coded schedule for the day, it makes me MAD. Traffic jams, flat tires, slow food-service, lost keys, forgotten cellphone—these are the nightmares that drive me insane. Yet what are these things but small inconveniences that force me to wait? In “Receiving the Day,” Dorthy Bass terms our perception of time a false theology; “we come to believe that we, not God, are the masters of time. We come to believe that our worth must be proved by the way we spend our hours, and that our ultimate safety depends on our own good management,” she says. Waiting makes us the opposite; we become losers of control rather than masters of time, insecure people rather than gods of safety, and wasters of our moments rather than good managers.  

We are not the masters of time, and productivity eventually drains us. Our busy way of life is not sustainable, and even though we center our lives around “go,” we still spend 5 years of our lives in waiting on average. The truth is that time is not our enemy, nor is it a commodity for us to consume and control. In “The Screwtape Letters,” C.S. Lewis explains that “the Present is the point at which time touches eternity” because it is the only time that is reality. Therefore, we should focus on “obeying the present voice of conscience, bearing the present cross, receiving the present grace, giving thanks for the present pleasure.” What he means (at least from my perspective) is that the only point it time in which we live, and have choices to make, is the present. The time that we can experience God is now. The time we love others is now. Christianity is not a religion of theories, philosophy, and vague ideas about things that have happened or will someday happen. Christianity is first and foremost a faith that is acted out in the present. What will we do to faithfully God is this exact moment of time, which is the only point of time that I can exist as a human. 

2) We are a people in waiting: Since Genesis, the people of Israel (and the whole world for that matter) were in waiting for the Messiah. The Old Testament is one continuous story of waiting for the promised savior-king-redeemer. The gospels tell of the coming of that Messiah—Jesus Christ, Emmanuel. The rest of the New Testament is one continuous story of... waiting for the promised Messiah! 

In Romans 8, Paul describes the longing we all feel for a different world—one ruled by God and free from sin. “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God ... For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies ... we wait for it with patience.” 

According to Warren (Liturgy of the Ordinary), “Christian time reminds us that we are the people on the way. It allows us to live in the present as an alternative people, patiently waiting for what is to come, but never giving up on our telos [or ultimate aim]. We are never quite comfortable. We seek justice, practice mercy, and herald the kingdom come.”  

Something inside tells us that where we are now—this life on this earth—is not our end. C.S. Lewis once said in “Mere Christianity,” “if I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.” There is a dissatisfied longing that reminds us that there is something greater, something we are in waiting for. 

And what exactly are we waiting for? The apostle John had a vision in Romans 22; “Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, a new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be be with them as their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold I am making all things new...’” 

The times of waiting between Christmas and Easter are just as “spiritual” as the holidays themselves. Warren reminds us that “In the liturgical year [the Church calendar] there is never a celebration without preparation. First we wait, we mourn, we ache, we repent. We aren’t ready to celebrate until we acknowledge, over time through ritual and worship, that we and this world are not yet right and whole. Before Easter, we have lent. Before Christmas, we have advent. We fast, then we feast.” 

Fast, then feast. We are a people who wait. There is something more coming our way. 

-31Women (Beth) 

my season before HIS season

Guys, its Christmas time. Anyone else having difficulty comprehending where the past few months went? or is it just me?

Now, Christmas is a season in itself. It is ‘the season’ where Jesus is at the very centre, literally the reason for the whole celebration. But something i’ve really struggled with these past months is having Jesus at the centre of my seasons, whether its Christmas or not. As ruler of my heart, He should be seated at the throne of my life. But in reality, the past few months, Jesus has been banging on my door while i turned up the sound of my other priorities and blocked His pursuing of me out completely. 

My last few months, have been really busy. I’ve finished a degree, been undergoing interviews and application processes towards next years task of teachers training. My sister has been through a break up, my grandparents haven’t been all that well, my job has been consuming, my flatting situation has been extremely stressful, my contribution to this amazing platform has been small, my free time has been limited and my mind, heart and soul have been preoccupied with things that should take second place to the Lord. 

I don’t want to make excuses. In fact i’m here to do the opposite. i know, that even though the past few months have been filled to the brim, that i could have made more time for God, and if i had done this then the whole crazy season would have probably been a heck lot more manageable. I have only myself to blame for trying to handle the whole thing myself. 

Jesus says in Matthew 11v28-30, ‘Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” 

This is exactly what i should have done to make the weight of he past few months lighter on my shoulders, I should have shared the weight with my God.

 I don’t think i’m alone in trying to sort out a season on my own, and i don’t think i’m the only one who has suffered the consequences of attempting to do so. But the point of realisation of where i went stray this past season has been revealed to me by the beauty of Christmas, where this season sets an example for all others, as Christ is at the centre, at the heart of the whole thing. As he should be as the king of my heart.

- 31women (Gabi)

Wait, why do we celebrate advent?

Remember the excitement you had for Christmas as a child? How we all couldn’t sleep and tried to get up as early as humanly possible so that we could open our gifts Christmas morning? 

The anticipation for Christmas is most evident in the hearts of small children. Unfortunately, when we grow up we tend to forget about how exciting Christmas used to be for us, and are somewhat surprised and annoyed when we realize it’s time to start looking for gifts in the midst of all the other things we have to do. 

While it’s not a bad thing to stop incessantly asking for a certain gift from an imaginary man with a beard, I actually think that the kids got this one right—there should be a sense of anticipation as we enter the Christmas season. This time of year where children struggle to wait is actually a biblical concept—we call it advent. 

Advent is more than something you do to get to Christmas or a reason for companies to sell more calendars. In fact, without advent, Christmas doesn’t actually have much meaning. 

What is advent? 

Advent is the period of anticipation that points to the coming messiah. The word is a version of the latin word for “coming.” For Christians (at least those in US evangelical protestant traditions), the advent season begins on the 4th Sunday before Christmas. 

For my church, advent means the lighting of 5 candles each Sunday and Christmas eve for one month. Each candle signifies a different part of the Christmas story. For other traditions, advent may include special daily prayers or even fasting in preparation for Christmas. 

The important part of advent is not exactly what you do, but that you are reflecting on the importance and reasons for the coming Messiah, preparing your heart to receive him on Christmas day. 

What does advent signify? 

Advent represents two separate periods of waiting: We’ll start with the Israelites. 

In the Old Testament (OT), God continually weaves together the story of his people with the promise of a coming messiah to save the people from their sins. This promise first appears in Genesis 3, directly after the fall when God promises Adam and Eve that one of their offspring would “bruise [the serpent’s] head.” The serpent had tempted Eve to sin, therefore he would be judged with a coming “serpent crusher.” As God continues to make promises to Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, David, and Solomon, this hero figure continues to be mentioned as the ultimate fulfillment of each promise—a king from the line of David, yet greater than David. 

Then, the Israelites get conquered by the Assyrian and Babylonian empires. The Davidic line is lost. The temple is destroyed. The people are spread through all the lands. Yet the promises of God do not fade. Throughout the prophets that speak to Israel during this dark time, the promises of a new King that will liberate his people continue to appear and develop. He will come from Bethlehem (Micah 5:2). He will be called a Nazarene (Isaiah 11). He would be born of a virgin (Isaiah 7). He would be the son of God (Psalm 2). He would do healing signs (Isaiah 35). He would be pierced for our transgressions (Isaiah 52). He would bring a new covenant for all people (Jeremiah 31). 

Imagine the anticipation for the Israelites as they waited for hundreds of years in exile for the coming of new and greater king to vindicate them. They didn’t wait just 4 Sundays for Christmas, they waited over 400 years. It makes us understand why the Angels announced the news to the shepherds, and they ran to praise the newborn king, why Simeon in the temple said he could die now that he had seen the promises of God fulfilled in baby Jesus (Luke 2), and why every single OT passage that Jesus told the jews was about himself caused a scandal in Jerusalem. 

Jesus was everything that they had waited for. 

The world received it’s Messiah once, but the story isn’t over yet. The second part of advent is just as crucial. The second period of waiting in anticipation for the Messiah is now. We are waiting for the return of the king. We are waiting for a new heaven and new earth—the fulfillment of the promises of God. Advent isn’t just about the past, it’s also a reminder that we are currently waiting (as the Israelites did), and that the Messiah will come (just as we celebrate on Christmas).

Think about it: Joy to the World isn’t a Christmas song at all, and neither is O Come O Come Emmanuel. They are both advent songs. O Come O Come relays the emotion of waiting for the liberation of the Messiah for a people in exile. It awaits Jesus’ coming. And Joy to the World? It’s theme is not the birth of Jesus, but rather the second-coming! Advent does remember the past, which helps us to celebrate Christmas in all it’s weighty glory, but it is also a reminder of what is to come. It encourages us to wait. 

-31Women (Beth) 

This post is part of the #waitwhy series. You can find more posts like this here. 

Information used on OT prophecies in this post can be found here. 

A Child’s Heart

And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44. 

My home church recently decided to take a leap of faith and pay off the mortgage of the sanctuary building early. Instead of careful financial planning, they wanted to allow God to work by trusting in Him to provide and allow the congregation to participant in this trust by asking them to give. 

I can’t remember the exact number that the church needed in total, but it was in the ballpark of 80,000 dollars (US). 

An elder of the church got up in front of the congregation one Sunday to explain what was going on and ask people to give some extra money that month so that the church could accomplish their goal. The congregation was generally positive about the message, but not particularly motivated or inspired.... 

with one exception. 

One little girl in the church listened to the message and felt God calling her to action. After the service, she marched right up to the elder who spoke about giving and handed him... 15 cents. 

Not exactly a great start to an $80,000 project, but the elder thanked her and took the money. Later, he came up to that little girl’s father to tell him the cute story about how his daughter had given $0.15 to the building fund. But what that father said changed everything: “You don’t understand,” he said, “That’s not just the money she had with her, that’s ALL the money she HAS. That’s her entire weekly allowance.” 

The next week, that same elder got before the church again. This time, he told the story of how a little girl faithfully responded to God’s call and gave everything she had with a heart of worship. And he cried. 

People were inspired by the heart of that girl. They followed her example and gave all that they had. And for many of those individuals, they made a lot more in a week than $0.15. The church raised all the money they needed and more that very day. That girl didn’t give $80,000, but she did inspire others with the way that she gave, which led to the giving of $80,000. 

She teaches us a lesson about giving and perspective. 

I often fall into the trap of believing that what I have to give is not enough. I am easily overwhelmed by the weight and size of the problems in our world. I start to feel like a failure when I can’t solve the issues or heal the pain around me. 

But the truth is, God is not asking for you to cure world hunger or singlehandedly stop child trafficking. He does not require us to find a way to fix everything that is broken in the world all by ourselves. 

He is asking for you to give Him all you have. And whatever that is, He wants it. 

We do God’s will when we faithfully respond to His call for sacrifice with a heart of worship. He asks for what He knows you have the strength and ability to give, and he takes care of the rest.

Our small gifts that seem worthless encourage and challenge others when we give them wholeheartedly. What matters is that we do what God is calling us to do and we lay down all we have to offer at the foot of the cross. 

-31Women (beth) 

clean heart, pure motives

Alright internet, it’s confession time: One day, I was stressed and felt overwhelmed by my seemingly never-ending to-do list. One of the things on that checklist was to put-away my laundry, so, when I came into my room and my roommate asked how I was doing, I put on my almost-in-tears face and explained that my clothes being all over the place was making me anxious, but I didn’t have to fix it because I had to go to several meetings that night. When I got back to my room later that night, my loving roommate had folded all my laundry and put it away where she knew I would want it. However, I didn’t feel relieved, I felt guilty 

Why would I feel guilty? Because I know my roommate, and I know that she loves to do things for people, especially when they are struggling. When I came into the room earlier that night, I intentionally phrased our conversation in a way that suggested I needed my laundry folded, without actually asking her to do it. When I got back to the room that night after she had done such a nice thing for me, I pretended to be in shock and acted emotionally touched that she had took notice of my stress. In short, I manipulated her to get her to do what I wanted, and then put on a show to convince her that I had nothing to do with her decision to do that for me. 

When I read Psalm 51, I remember that story, along with many other examples of my sinful motives corrupting a moment showing the beautiful heart of love and service that others have towards me. 

Psalm 51 was written by King David after he sinned by sleeping with Bathsheba and covering his scandal up by having her husband killed, then marrying her after the time of mourning. When David is confronted by his own sin against God, he writes this poem of confession, lamentation, and repentance, asking for God’s mercy to come upon him to forgive his sins and make his heart clean. 

“Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being, and you teach wisdom in the secret heart...Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right Spirit within me.” 

I once had a friend explain the message of this psalm as “clean heart, pure motives.” It became one of my life mottos after that. You see, God does not look at the actions of humans, but rather sees the heart motivations behind what we do. The Bible tells us that “it is from within, out of a person's heart, that evil thoughts come.” (Mark 7:21). If we have a clean heart, we will yearn for good and not evil. If we have pure motives, we will love and serve others from a place of love, rather than exploiting them. 

So back to my example: If I had just come to my roommate with a clean heart and pure motives, I could have been straightforward and simply asked her, “Syd, would you mind folding my laundry? I’m not going to have time to do it tonight and I’m feeling very overwhelmed right now.” I know that she would have joyfully accepted and appreciated having a way to show love to me, in the same way that I care for all the time when she’s stressed. 

Instead, I let my prideful heart win over and refused to ask for help directly, using manipulative motives to exploit her loving and sacrificial character. 

I have long since sought my own forgiveness from the Lord and asked that he give me a clean heart and pure motives every time I speak to others. But, I think there could be more to this message. 

What would it look like if we actually lived our lives with clean hearts and pure motives? What if we ended exploitation? And manipulation? And lying? Hurting others with our words? If we didn’t look for selfish gain? If we put others before ourselves? 

Clean Heart, Pure Motives. It changes everything. 

-31Women (Beth) 

Wait, why did God become flesh?

This post is part of the #waitwhy series. You can find the rest here.

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” (John 1:1) 

Do we get how incredibly profound that statement is? The creator of the universe, the perfect and holy being, the king of the world, looked down on his people and heard their cries of suffering - a suffering we ourselves cause through sin and rebellion. He chose to have compassion on our stone-cold hearts. God himself literally came to dwell among us. 

And the reason he did so starts way back when with a very different man. Once upon a time, Adam had a choice to make, and he choose badly. He choose pride, disobedience, and selfishness over a perfect and holy relationship with the Lord his God. It was all downhill from there. Sin entered the world, and God’s people rebelled against him. The Israelites, God’s chosen people, made idols and disobeyed the law they had been given. They turned their backs on the promises of God. The judges that led the people made idols for them to worship rather than turning them to God. The kings anointed to rule over the people sinned and their kingdoms fell into ruins. 

We needed someone who wouldn’t ever make those choices: a leader who would obey the voice of the Lord, a judge who would always be just, and a king with a reign that will never end. 

In short, we needed heaven to meet earth. We needed a person that would be both God and man. That person was Jesus Christ, called Immanuel or “God with us.” 

Jesus is both fully God and fully man. He is God and he chose to become incarnate on earth as a human. Both of these aspect of Jesus are important to understand why he decided to come to earth as a man. 

Fully God

Without being fully God, Jesus would not have had the authority to forgive sins. Let’s take a look at this passage found in the gospel of Luke: 

18 And behold, some men were bringing on a bed a man who was paralyzed, and they were seeking to bring him in and lay him before Jesus, 19 but finding no way to bring him in, because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and let him down with his bed through the tiles into the midst before Jesus. 20 And when he saw their faith, he said, “Man, your sins are forgiven you.” 21 And the scribes and the Pharisees began to question, saying, “Who is this who speaks blasphemies? Who can forgive sins but God alone?” 22 When Jesus perceived their thoughts, he answered them, “Why do you question in your hearts? 23 Which is easier, to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven you,’ or to say, ‘Rise and walk’? 24 But that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins”—he said to the man who was paralyzed—“I say to you, rise, pick up your bed and go home.” 25 And immediately he rose up before them and picked up what he had been lying on and went home, glorifying God.

When Jesus said to the man “your sins are forgiven,” what did the other people in the room immediately think? “Who can forgive sins but God alone?” Only God can save. By forgiving a man for his sins, Jesus showed himself to be God- the one and only forgiver of sins. 

Fully Man

But Jesus was also fully human. Look at this passage in Hebrews: 

14 Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, 15 and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery. 16 For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham. 17 Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people. 18 For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted.

God meets us where we are. Because we are “flesh and blood,” the “Word” (i.e. Jesus) had to “become flesh and dwell among us.” Jesus becoming human has a three-fold purpose in these verses.

1. He had to die - (verses 14-15) God is eternal; it is against his nature to die, therefore Jesus had to become flesh to die and he needed to die in order to take away our sins (next post we’ll talk about why, stay tuned!). 

2. He became the link between God and humans - (verse 17) In the Old Testament, the high priest was the person designated by God to connect his holy self and his people, but even this high priest couldn’t fulfill their role perfectly because they were still sinners, just like the people. Jesus took on the role of the “merciful and faithful high priest” when he died and rose again. He was perfect, so he could have true community with God, but he was also human, so he could have true community with us. He is our link to God. The high priest that acts as mediator between heaven and earth! 

3. He wanted to be able to encourage us - (verse 18) Because Jesus became flesh, he experience the same things that we do everyday. He was tempted, he felt pain, he was hungry, and he suffered. He understands what it is like to live in a broken world and be weak. Now that he does, he can comfort us in our distress and encourage us in our temptations. 

“Behold, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall call his name Immanuel (which means, God with us).”  (Matthew 1:23) 

-31Women (Beth) 

She Reads Truth (Hosea Devotional)