@vanyel-or-just-van / vanyel-or-just-van.tumblr.com
guy who invented the piano: what if we laid a harp on its side and added hammers
musician: you clumsy oaf, you just knocked over my harp with your toolbox!
guy who’s about to invent the piano: oh, haven’t you heard?
how dare you take this mediocre shitpost and make it genuinely funny
I’ll go first
What she says: I’m fine What she means: I love you so much and I want to declare it to the world but public extreme expressions of love short of marriage proposals are looked down upon or made fun of by society and I’m worried people are going to judge me but I’m content being by your side because there’s nothing I love more
you: I love you me, and intellectual: I love you unconditionally and the fact that I see myself as more intuitive does not change that at all, and, in fact, sometimes enhances my love for you
Did you know that I will climb nearly 90 degree angles to announce my deep love for you from the top of the highest mountains. Because I crave that affection.
Me, on a date: how do you feel about wholesome memes? My date: I love them so much as it is my deepest desire to have that kind of connection with someone Me: *pulling breadsticks out of my purse* I stole these from Olive Garden and want to share them with you
Come one guys join in on this In case you haven’t noticed this whole meme is already a wholesome version of a past meme, the “what will be the first meme of 2015” meme So this meme is a meme of itself
I came out here to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so loved and supported right now.
this kind of wholesome subversion of memes looks like a lot of
fun
jewishbookwyrm: i have made a wholesome meme tumblr: you fixed a really bad trend is what you did. look at it. it’s got love and support.
are we doing loving memes? friends, we might be
“Tumblr a pit of hate and despair” factoid is incorrect. Wholesome Georg, who posts support and friendship from a cave is representative adn should be counted.
maybe the real wholesome memes were the friends we made along the way
Tag yourself I’m wholesome subversion of memes
2017 but every time I love and support my friends it gets faster
I awake in the morning
mind: refreshed
heart: open
friends: online
I am forcibly removed from loneliness and isolation.
Here come dat love
i am a frend
and wen i spy
a frend of mine
who wants to cri
i do not walk
awa or shrug
i hold them clos
i giv a hug
here come that boy
o i hope ur havin a good day
OH
happy new year stop bullying autistic people just for the sole fact of them being autistic
If you haven’t already done it…. Go hit that reblog button. Do what you have to, just do that too.
Like seriously. Just find one and reblog it real quick. I post a couple yesterday and put into the universe that I actually wanted it
Let it work for y’all too
YALL!! THERE HAS BEEN AN INCREASE!! (I don’t know how your bank account is set up, but $55 dollars in tips counts as a blessing over here!)
*sending out money blessing vibes to y’all*
Counting my blessing and they total up to $60 today. (Got another $5 tip not too long ago)
Today was good. Im trying to maintain this same energy all this week to see what will come of it
I don’t care, I ain’t playin. Imma need one of these damn thangs to work, now.
I might as well not reblogging aint gone put money in my pocket
Let the universe know what you want
I only been working for a week. These are my tips. $96 all in 1s.
i was on the train and 3 drunk girls saw me and said i had nice brown eyes so they sang “brown eyed girl” to me
I threw up at a frat party and I was crying in the bathroom and a drunk girl went upstairs to get me a shirt and came back with a sweater and a kitten.
At the last party I went to three drunk girls fishtail braided my hair by committee
a drunk girl drew an eye on the back of my hand and then patted it with satisfaction and whispered “count olaf”
once at a barbecue a drunk girl gave the surgical scar on my shoulder a butterfly kiss and said “you’re cured”
A drunk girl at a bar I was at became worried that I wasn’t getting enough nutrition and proceeded to hold peanuts to my lips and just keep saying “peanut peanut” until I would eat it. And after I allowed her to feed me a peanut she pet my hair and said “Thank you”.
Drunk girls, saving your life one wtf at a time.
Girls are a fucking gift don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
Drunk girls are the best
Auto…….
2018 is the year of the dog so I’m out here gently begging 2018 to please, please be a good dog
In medieval culture, an event like a royal christening is not a private party; it’s the public social event of the year. To not invite any person of rank to such an event is a deadly insult.
Maleficent is certainly someone you wouldn’t want at a party, but she’s also someone powerful enough that only a fool would ever dare treat her with such blatant disrespect. The only way the King and Queen could possibly have gotten away with not inviting Maleficent was to not invite any of the fairies at all; inviting the other fairies and excluding her is explicitly taking sides in the conflict between the fairy factions.
Which means they made themselves her sworn enemies, and she responded by treating them as such from then on. If you actually get into analyzing the social dynamics of the scene, it’s very clear that Maleficent was willing to show mercy at first by giving the King and Queen a chance to apologize for their disrespect to her. She doesn’t curse Aurora until after she gives them that chance and they throw it back in her face with further disrespect.
And yeah, if the King and Queen had done the properly respectful thing and invited her, Maleficent would have given Aurora a scary awesome present. Moreover so would the other fairies, because at that point both sides would be using it as an opportunity to show off and one-up each other. What they gave her before Maleficent showed up was basically just trivial party favors by fairy standards.
How do you know so much about the social dynamics of medieval fairies
How don’t you
“ight son”
“ight pops”
if you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to live in the midwest, this is it.
You missed some of the best ones
the best part about it is that the art installation isn’t actually called the Bean. It’s called Cloud Gate, and artist Anish Kapoor (yes, THAT Anish Kapoor) hates that we call it the Bean.
But i mean, look at it. It’s a bean.
How could you forget this one though
I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA THAT THE BEAN WAS CREATED BY ANISH KAPOOR.
someone help me why is anish kapoor important what did he do?
Alright sit down for some Art World Drama bcause this is what I live for.
So, sometime last year (?) science invented Vantablack, which is the darkest possible shade of black. Art world got incredibly excited. But as it needs to be very carefully made in a lab, it’s hard to get a hold of, and is extremely expensive. Enter Anish Kapoor, aka FuckFace McGee. Anish Kapoor buys the rights to Vantablack. He is the only human being on the planet that can legally use it, and he’s kind of a prick about it.
Art world is not thrilled with that.
Enter Stuart Semple.
Stuart Semple is an artist, and also makes pigments to sell in his free time. Stuart Semple is astoundingly pissed about this Vantablack nonsense, and Anish Kapoor’s dickery. Stuart Semple makes a new pigment, the brightest shade of pink ever, called Pinkest Pink, and puts it for sale on the internet. To be bought by everybody except Anish Kapoor. Literally, to purchase, you need to confirm that you are not Anish Kapoor, do not associate with him, and will not sell or give the pigment to Anish Kapoor or his associates. Art world has a good laugh, everyone buys Pinkest Pink because it’s awesome, and damn it we deserve something.
Anish Kapoor however is a penis, and will not take this lying down, because HOW DARE he not have literally everything.
Anish Kapoor gets his London associates to buy him a thing of Pinkest Pink, and being such a classy human being, posts a picture to instagram of him with his middle finger covered in Pinkest Pink, captioned with “Up yours. #pink”
Everyone flips shit, because. Y’know. Fuck that guy. Especially Stuart Semple. For context here, Anish Kapoor is one of the richest artists on the planet, and has repeatedly been referred to as everything wrong with the art world, and the epitome of the art worlds elitism problem. He’s a giant douchebag. Meanwhile Stuart Semple makes pigments just to get them out there. He turns 0 profit from his now enourmously popular pigments.
Stuart Semple launches an investigation as to who the fuck leaked Pinkest Pink, and plans to strike back. He does so by releasing two new products. First is Diamond Dust, which is a glitter made from glass, so that a painting is still visible after it’s applied, but glitters like a mofo. It’s the most reflective glitter out there, and is available to everyone who isn’t Anish Kapoor. And it being made of glass, if you stick your finger in there, it’s going to hurt quite a bit, so that was Stuart Semple’s way of saying “shove your middle finger in this, asshole, see what happens”. Except without saying that, because he can get an insult across while still being fucking classy.
He also releases Black 2.0, created with the help of over a thousand artists worldwide.
Black 2.0 is the answer to Vantablack. Black 2.0 is a slightly less black black, but looks functionally the same to the human eye. It’s completely safe, smells like cherries, and costs four pounds. Vantablack is highly toxic, potentially explosive, needs to be applied in a special laboratory and sealed properly, can’t be moved across borders, can reach 300 degrees celsius if you’re not extremely careful, and costs thousands of dollars. Anish Kapoor is the only human being who can use Vantablack. He is the only human being who cannot use Black 2.0.
So I think we can guess who got the better deal.
And thus the feud ends, Kapoor defeated.
…But not quite.
Kapoor, in this entire afair, has made exactly two comments to the public. The first being his charming message about aquiring Pinkest Pink, the second being claiming to Buzzfeed that he and his small army of lawyers will be suing Semple, an extremely poor artist who cannot afford a lawyer.
No lawsuit has been made yet, fyi.
The point is, Kapoor is a prick, and doesn’t like talking to the lower classes. So one day in July 2017, he decides he needs another floor on his London studio apartment, and starts making arrangements to have it built. His neighbors are fucking pissed, because this will ruin the light of their apartments. They call to Semple to save them, or at the very least piss Kapoor off some more.
Semple answers to the call, and releases two new paints, Phaze and Shift, as always, banned to Kapoor. They change colours, Phaze with temperature, and Shift is just iridescent. Shift needs to be painted over Black 2.0 to work, and Phaze just works on its own.
So that’s been the art world for the last two years.
Basically, get fucked Anish Kapoor your bean sucks and so does your vantablack.
Stuart Semple is organising a bean-kissing event for Anish Kapoor’s birthday.
YALL STILL STRAIGHT??? IN THIS ECONOMY???
Meirl
