Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers Characters: Steve Rogers, James "Bucky" Barnes Additional Tags: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Light Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I'm sad. Summary:

Sometimes it's better to fall apart.

A missing scene from somewhere at the end of Endgame. Not naming any names but major things from the movie are referenced.

resurrecting my blog to rant about endgame? you bet

if you haven't seen the movie i hope you have '#endgame spoilers' blacklisted because i just realized that mobile doesn't have a read more option and i can't log in on desktop but I have Things To Say lmao. specifically about Steve.

SPOILERS AHEAD

so I'd like to start out by saying that I liked this movie a lot for many reasons and I will continue to love it after I get over this initial stage where I can't do fic that doesn't try to stick to canon and just bounce off to canon divergence and AU land because there's some great potential there tbh. BUT. right now I'm just disappointed because that's the least satisfying ending I could imagine for Steve and I believe that this throws almost his entire character arc out of the window. it's not even really about the fact that despite the constant emphasis on how Peggy was the love of his life I don't believe that, I could go with that even if, to me, it sounds like an exaggeration. yes. they had a connection that changed both of their lives but from what I gathered this is the type of love that's based on idealisation, and never had the time to move past that because of what happened. so while it could turn out that it really does work between them and they could stay together til death, i wouldn't bet my life on it. plus even if it's difficult for Steve to move on like he says, he did get some kind of closure with Peggy, even if their time was out of sync. she died, he buried and mourned her. that never fully goes away but I still think that it doesn't make sense emotionally for Steve from where he is to undo all that grieving just because he can, knowing that it can only be in a different timeline.

it's not even the fact that I think steve just bailing like that was ooc. or how baffled i am over the movie's efforts to keep Steve and Bucky as far from each other as possible at all times, and that apparently "the end of the line" was right there and then. it's not about shipping, I'm well aware that this is the MCU but even people who never gave two shits about these two noticed it. they're their own people, yes but you're trying to sell me that Steve has a closer bond with just about everyone and I'm not buying that lmao.

these are points I've already discussed with multiple people. but there's more.

what my biggest issue with selling this as his Happy Ending is this: yes, Steve was a "man out of time" in the 21st century, there was no one else like him, not even Bucky, because the shit he went through doesn't compare to Steve's experience at all. Steve had a hard time, he didn't adjust all that well, that's been voiced multiple times. but going back in time and finding Peggy doesn't fix that at all?? even if it's a branch reality where the future might play out differently than it did in the main timeline because who knows what happens with him around, he'll still be a man out of time there as well. he's lived several years in a world with ridiculous technology, advanced medicine, the internet?? space travel?? and then he goes back to a post WWII time with all that knowledge and experience noone else has and either radically changes that reality by introducing people to these concepts, or watches as people die from preventable diseases, etc. not to mention historical events and the fate of the people he knew in the main timeline + his own self, which works out how, exactly? there could be a bunch of ways to handle all this but the main two directions i can see is that he either lays low like... really low. or he interferes but which one is the satisfying ending here? I feel like he'd face almost the same problems just in a different universe. I've been thinking about this so much that I have a hard time believing that after having that dance with Peggy he actually stayed and what we see in present day is alternate timeline Steve who lived out his entire life with her in peace and then jumped back somehow. it just doesn't make sense to me but like, I have no clue where to go from here.

I wish I could go back to the times when I didn't feel like politics affected my daily life because technically it still doesn't? I'm privileged enough that people don't know what minority group I'm part of unless I tell them since I'm cis and white living in my home country. But when the goddamn prime minister keeps yelling about how liberalism is the enemy, people like me won't ever have a "real family" acknowledged by the state and talking about culture war and "big changes coming soon" and shit, how do I not get fucking scared? I work with people mostly thrown under the bus by the system because they're mostly who live in that area in an institution owned by the state so whatever these shitheads do will affect my workplace AND my personal life. Mostly because people in this country are already acting horrible towards those who are different in any sense, be it skin color, identity, disability or mental illness and they get this level or reinforcement from the fucking government that anything can be justified if you claim it's about protecting the nation and the "christian culture of europe". The politicians we could vote for as alternatives abandoned us or simply have no power, freedom of press doesn't exist anymore, there are no real choices and the basic human rights of minorities, namely trans people are being violated constantly along with immigrants treated as subhuman and whenever I try to start a conversation with my own family I get shut down that it's "not that bad". For you, maybe.

It's suffocating like there's protests sometimes that die down or get ignored and no one actually knows how to tackle this goddamn corrupt system, there's such tangible apathy in society, like I can't imagine what it'll take for people to finally stand up and not back down. Nobody gives a shit about anything enough to actually do shit and this is something I'm also guilty of, it's easier to find excuses and feel like it has no effect on us but it fucking does and it's scary. This is honestly so exhausting yet not something I can or am willing to ignore. This is such a pointless rant but I just watched a 40 minutes long speech by Orbán and just had to spill my feelings somewhere tbh. I have no ideas, no solutions, nothing but my anger and honestly, I don't think it should be on the average citizen to come up with solutions to nation wide problems, like if I wanted to and/or COULD do that I would've become a politician or went into economy or SOMETHING and that goes for a lot of people who are also doing much of the work that should be done by people who actually get paid to do it but fucking don't :)

wow I don't remember the last time I was here

sometimes you just gotta blast cascada at full volume at 10 pm, that's just how life works