To the customers who apologize repeatedly for “bothering” me, or offer to clean up their own spill if I just get them some paper towels, or walk all the way around an aisle so as not to disturb me when I’m blocking their path, I just want to reassure you that you are NOT the annoying customer we complain about in retail. You are very kind and you clearly respect me and my time and I appreciate you. Also I am happy to help you with whatever you need and it is not at all a bother.

To the customer who shouted “EGGS?” at me from twenty feet away because apparently it was just too much trouble to come a few steps closer and use a complete sentence like “where are the eggs, please?”: fuck you.

This is fantastic.

This is how I feel when major corporations use Queen’s music in their commercials.

WHAT?!?

You’ve heard of sicko mode what about THICCO Mode

If you rear-end this car you’re legally required to say “Buenos dias,”

You may rear end it

Once

hrrnn… optimus im trying to sneak around but i’m dummy thick and the clap of my car ass cheeks keeps alerting the humans

jonathan van ness: *says some absolute nonsense* you know???

me:

growing up finding girls attractive without registering it as attraction sucks because you basically end up weirdly fixated on them but also super insecure and competitive

The original looks more messed up to me now than the vine

I had no idea the women in the top left and bottom left were different people

ambulance in my neighborhood: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

My dog: Oh shit! Oh shit it’s a bop

i me I promis

Before and after with themselves. Love it

This is so cool

how come you only become aware of how tipsy you are in bathrooms