Not getting over the fact one of my ex' seriously accused me of cheating on them.

Well, not only that but:

1. Leaving me alone at home over christmas to see their family, knowing I don't have family myself and then throwing shit at me for not "simply taking some days off" - in the fast food industry. Lmao.

2. Getting mad at me for inviting my best friend over for a day to celebrate christmas with me. "I don't want strangers in MY flat" - we been together for 3 years and living together for almost as long.

3. Then going over to accusing me of said cheating. Wjth my best friend. Who would never be my type, never be my preferred gender, or anything.

4. Moving over to spreading those lies about me to LITERALLY ANYONE AND EVERYWHERE. Even all their friends on this platform.everyone believed them ofc, they are fucking good at playing the victim.

5. Making my life there literal hell afterwards.

I literally can't keep a secret or surprise for more than 3 minutes. I have to speak my mind all the time. Turns out I'm autistic - and seriously, I'm bad at lying, I hate lying, and surprises suck too.

(E.g. "hey I bought something for you, but I won't tell you yet... - short pause - Ok nvm I really want you to know and can't live with not telling you!!")

How the fuck am I supposed to cheat and lie about it. Like. What even.

I'm sure you're never going to read this, sad thing, but Reg: you've been the perfect example of gas-lighting. Seriously. I've been at my lowest with you, physically, emotionally, mentally. Only thanks to my traumatic childhood you were able to use me like this.

You never give. You only take, take, take. And once you can't benefit from a person any longer you throw them away like trash.

You are so good at living that big lie of yours, making people around you believe these lies too.

You only want them to praise you, to pity you, to make you feel like you are THE best person with such a sad childhood and poor previous life.

You haven't properly worked in your life ONCE. You don't know what absuive parenting feels like. You fucking told me to be less lazy, to make something out of my life fully knowing I've been through hell and back and dealing with chronic major depression, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts for almost 10 years then.

And yet all the people around you "just don't understand". No. They are able to see through your bullshit. They see how fucking toxic your whole personality is.

Remember Anna? Yes? Thag "best friend" you threw away too after they wrote YOUR BACHELOR ESSAY for you?

You can be fucking glad they don't hold proof for that anymore. You are a liar. They basically got the Bachelor's for you.

And then you threw your best friend away, after talking trash behind their back for years qith your other best friend. And getting mad whenever I refused to join in on that.

You talked down the severity of their suffering too Rheir pain. Their struggles.

Oh they didn't move to Berlin for you - and then they became unintersting for you. Didn't praise you enough.

Once people get away from you they can breathe again. They finally realize how toxic being with you actually is. That you're sucking up any joy of life, any sense of self, any personality and talent.

Your partners only have to exist to smother you, to serve you, to say and beliece the things you want them to.

You don't want them to have a strong will of their own.

Back then I didn't know about the term gaslighting. I wish I had. I wish I had the courage to leave after realizing how much you emotionally abused me.

Being with you felt the same way as my life with my mother all my xhildhood. Thats where you could thrive I was desperate, craving attention - and most importantly used to being threatened badly.

I know you will never come to terms with how toxic you are, since you fully believe your lies. You believethat YOU have been the victim of everything and everone all along.

I'm just glad I got away from you before literally dying off.

My health was on a lethal brink back then. My weight below 40kg and you didn't comment my dropping health/weight once. Nah, you like them skinny.

I'm just glad A. got away from you too. We both shiny brightly now; both healthy, happy, and living your best life possible.

The only good things about knowing you - getting to know the love of my life and learning my worth (and who to avoid).

I wish the people around you will see through your bullshit sooner than later. For them, not for you.

Your toxic traits will get the better of you on the long run.

And to everyone who believed I cheated on you, made you to a bad person, basically all the sulking lies: thanks for showing me how easily you can be manipulated and that you never cared for my perspective (the truth).

Well, it felt good to finally rant. Even if it's an empty letter head.

I now get to live and work in safe environments, experience love and care, patience.

Even taking care of my jaws, my gender-affirming ways, and damn - I'm shining brightly. 🐸