I think my life is passing me by, I do the same exact things every day. I’m in love with a person that’s so unattainable. I can’t even begin to think of dating at all because no one will ever make me feel the way he does, ever. I keep thinking of harming myself but I can’t bring myself to do it, I fantasize about taking my own life but I can’t bring myself to do it, which makes me feel like a coward. But I also need to be here for my family and I don’t want to break their hearts. I wasn’t asked to be born, and I’m exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I know I will never kill myself because again I need to be here for my family, but I have to keep reminding myself that I will die someday, I just have to be patient until then. I somehow always knew that I wasn’t made for this. I wasn’t meant to have anything normal in life, I genuinely think I was put on this earth to suffer and to serve others. I am absolutely pathetic and that will never change, and as much as I do my makeup, as much as I do my hair really pretty, as much as I wear cute outfits or do my nails or wear pretty perfume, I will always be deeply deeply wounded and broken.
