because it's strange

i like the idea of having a step-by-step schedule (like breakfast at x time, study at x time, etc.) but who’s gonna regulate that shit? me? that bitch is a toddler

call me boring and vanilla but i lov… romantic relationships built on friendships

black

@mostlycatsmostly

Cause it slaps next question

i love cats that sit like this. thank you, cats that sit like this

Source

Video of Tama

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The picture in the background of the second one

Tama is boss

THE TRAINS HAVE CARTOON TAMAS ON THEM

Sad update everyone, Tama recently passed away… An estimated 3,000 people, including railway officials, attended Tama the cat’s funeral on Sunday, days after she died of heart failure aged 16. [x]

For those who haven’t read articles about it, the local shrine elevated her to a god. She’s now the Eternal Stationmaster and patron god of the station.

Beautiful.

Now I’m crying thanks

and a new cat was hired right?

yep! her name is Nitama (essentially ”second tama” or “tama II”) and she served under Tama as an apprentice before being appointed her deputy

she works very hard

Everytime this crosses my dash, I reblog. It is the law.

Law

I’m crying at 11pm over train cats

all cats are good but i especially enjoy black cats who just look like vaguely cat-shaped blobs of darkness

fish are friends. not food.

I love how outraged the gray cat is.

What

I’m so tired this made perfect sense for like 45 seconds

I woke up way earlier than I ever wanted to and I can’t stop watching this and laughing so hard

I worked with toddlers and pre schoolers for three years. Sometimes I accidentally slip and tell a friend to say bye to an inanimate object (“say bye bus!”) & occasionally they unthinkingly just do it.

I’m glad there’s a teacher version of “accidentally called teacher ‘mom’”

when I worked at Medieval Times occasionally I would slip in real life and call people “my lord”

One time during family prayer, dad began: “our father who art in heaven, American Airlines, how can I help you?”

One time my dad went to the White Castle drive-thru and the lady (who was supposed to say ‘Welcome to White Castle, what’s your crave?’) asked, “Welcome to White Castle, what’s your problem?”

She apologized profusely while my dad proceeded to lose his shit laughing.

Yesterday I went to Wendy’s and the girl said “Welcome to McDonalds” and then just sighed

Somebody in the elevator asked me what floor I lived on, and I answered “please open your books to page eight”, and we just kind of stared at each other, blinking.

i work retail full time and my script gets frequently messy - ill ask the same question twice, or say “$2.60 is your total” while handing back their change, or say “how are you doing today?” instead of “have a good day!” like name it ive bungled it

but anyway, this lady came thru my line buying a book and the review on the front said: “few books are well written, fewer still are important, and this book manages to be both”

as i handed her the bag i was trying to say “thanks, youre all set” and instead my brain mashed up the review and i said “thanks, youre important”

there was this short pause in which i tried to figure out what the fuck id just said. she blinked and then said “oh thank you! youre important too!”

the real kicker was one of my coworkers. when i was relating this story later his response was “at least you said something NICE. last week i accidentally combined ‘youre welcome’ and ‘no problem’ into ‘youre a problem’”

one time, since I used to work as a daycare teacher with preschoolers, i was on my college campus in my gym, and someone was running in the weight room and tripped over a machine and fell, and instead of offering to help, I just stared and said, “This is why we use our walking feet.” we both sat there for a while until the guy nodded and said, “yeah, okay, i should’ve done that.”

I’ve spent a good chunk of time working in kitchens, so I still will reflexively say shit like “behind” and “coming around” as I maneuver through spaces and around people.

Which, actually, not such a bad thing; I’m a big guy and can come across as imposing pretty easily. The position calls can help defuse that, and also help avoid collisions.

Less good is the time my brain was half functional and I let slip a “coming with a knife” while grocery shopping. THAT took some explaining.

I work in an office and send tens of emails to customers every day. Once my mum asked me to send her a train ticket I had bought for her. I emailed her “Hello mum, as agreed, please find attached the ticked you requested. Thanks, Alex”

I’ve worked in health care my whole life, and for solid ten years I started my every shift by grabbing my bp cuff and stethoscope, then going from room to room and checking the vital signs on my 20+ patients. 

So fast forward to my office job, I stuck my head into the account payable office to ask for the last quarter’s employee reimbursement, and ended up saying, “Hi Robin, I’m sorry to bother you, but I need your vital signs.”

I’m in Chicago for an international moot court competition, where the proper address to a judge is “Your excellency.” So far I’ve accidentally called a train conductor, a cab driver, and our waiter “your excellency” when I meant “sir”.

My Valentine Cards

Brain: You’re a horrible, worthless, garbage person, and your life is going nowhere but to hell.

Me: I don’t know what the fuck you expect me to do about that at 11PM, my dude.

It’s me, your dream girl, in scrunched up socks and a blanket cape.

Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

My favourite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call

It’s called connotations.

Try this one on for size:

“Forgive me, Father, I have sinned”

“Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty”

great news! Language is now banned

miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit. im shooting everything. im laying down cover fire. im shooting the walls. im shooting my teammates. im shooting myself. my accuracy is 100% yall just dont know what im aiming at

I didn’t even read the rest because I’m still laughing at “miss me with that ‘weapon accuracy’ shit” like I’ve never read a more perfect phrase in my life

u ever think about how ur skeleton is always wet

I wish I never had but thanks for ruining my life

don ’ t worry ! there will come a time when it ’ s not :)

Thanks! Even worse :)