Your Friendly Neighborhood Botanist

adult emailing culture is overthinking how polite you sound and forgetting to send the attachments

me: *gets hit by a car* sorry

while we here my favorite mugs

helping my pals decorate for their engagement party and we’ve just made loads of banners with swear words on them

this is a totally adult engagement party no goofs n giggles here

absolutely correct the mistake has been rectified

crash bandicoot is a twink

DID YOU JUST TELL ME THE TIME OF MY DEATH?

just bought this tapeworm from etsy!

where are you gonna keep it

:)

I don’t like this post very much

Mom said it’s my turn to use the Xbox

30 years ago

Darth Vader but every time he breaths you hear a harmonica

This is one of those text posts you can instantly hear

this bitch empty, TWEET

IHust wiOke upmy whol hOUSSe

I’m telling this story again b/c fuck it but anyways I was playing D&D and one of my friends went “brown bear brown bear what do you see” and on cue three of us turn to him and like, death metal screech “ALLLL”.

The dude goes completely pale faced. I saw true horror in his eyes. 

He didn’t know the joke.

So apparently dude just had three of his best friends demonically screech at him for no goddamn reason.

I do not think I will ever cause that level of sheer terror and confusion ever again in my life.

this is the most unsettling episode of cutthroat kitchen i have ever seen

ive got a stockpile of weird stamps from deviantart that i have for no reason other than theyre weird

see?

when am i gonna get to use this

When you’re trying to do homework but you can’t because birds

Human: *attempts typing*

Birbs: >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V >:V

these boyos sound like when you push an animal crossing villager into a hole