Personal shit; move it along.
Why does this year hurt worse than any other?
The first year was hard, the second year was only a step better, the third, fourth and fifth went by in a blur, but this year, the sixth year you’ve been gone, hurts so badly. Life has moved on without you, that’s far beyond clear. But any little thing about a loved one, about death, about mothers (ohhh, especially mother’s day) hurts like hell and makes me bawl my eyes out.
I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that I don’t feel like I can relate to anyone about this. Maybe it’s the fact that I just miss you so much. Maybe it’s that my brain has fully set in to the fact that you are truly gone; I can’t even get my brain to have dreams involving you anymore. I don’t know what it is.
Everyone is supposed move on after someone dies. I’ve moved on; I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t. But that doesn’t at all mean that I don’t still grieve over you, that I don’t love you anymore, that I want your memory completely gone. How can someone else just
I have fallen more in love with Day of the Dead or Dia de los Muertos lately. I’ve always had a respect for the holiday since I was younger, but there’s something lately that helps my soul find comfort. But it’s as though I disassociate with reality and it comforts me in that way. It gives me hope that if you’re on an ofrenda that you’ll come back for one day and I can feel your presence and light. There are so many people I wish could have met you while you were here, but if they can’t, at least you could come back for one night and... oh, I don’t know. Just be around everyone and everything, I guess.
I just want my brain to stop, though. I kind of just want to die, like I have the last five years. I don’t want to go through this any longer. I can’t even take it and I just want to see you again.
