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Cam

@captainzetterbeard / captainzetterbeard.tumblr.com

Musicals and Adam Driver.
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reblogged
justactnatural
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funnylime

avengers end game spoiler

thanos has sex for like, 10 straight minutes on screen. you’d think it’d be a good time to go pee since it’s not exactly plot relevant but every cinema locks the doors when this scene plays

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dear-jason-goodman
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wizardnuke

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny

governor of the colony: hey I’m gonna go back to england to get more supplies

115 colonists: okay

governor: ends up spending 3 years in england bc of a naval war with spain or some shit

governor: gets back to the colony to find everyone gone

governer: sees the word “croatoan”, the name of a native american tribe, carved into a post

croatoan tribe: has members and children with blonde hair/blue eyes, pale skin

everyone: what could have happened to the colonists of roanoke

racism is a hell of a drug

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langernameohnebedeutung

governor: I can’t believe my colony died

roanoke folks: actually these really nice people took us in? we left you a note about that? so please stop telling everyone we’re dead?

governor: Sometimes I Can Still Hear Their Voices

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diceratops
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x-deer-teeth-x

do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? or if their limbs were just slightly too long? or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It

stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!!

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x-deer-teeth-x

yknow what? not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration

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diceratops
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richieskirsch

human brain: Opportunity rover accomplished its mission and then some! It lasted far longer than we could’ve ever hoped. This should be celebrated, Opportunity did really well.

monkey brain: BUT SHE DIED ALL ALONE AND IN THE DARK AND ON A PLANET ALL THE WAY OUT IN SPACE AWAY FROM HOME!!! DOES SHE KNOW HOW PROUD OF HER WE ARE?! DID SHE THINK WE FORGOT ABOUT HER?! I LOVE HER AND I WANT HER TO BE HAPPY AND TO THRIVE AND I JUST WANT TO HUG HER AND LET HER KNOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT HER!!! WE DIDN’T FORGET ABOUT YOU, OPPY!!! WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I WOULD KILL ANYONE AND EVERYONE JUST FOR YOU TO HAVE PASSED AMONG FRIENDS AND FAMILY HERE ON EARTH!!!

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r--g--b
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reblogged
justactnatural
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torsamors

This is one of the thai restaurants in my hometown and i can tell you first hand this lady is wonderful

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torsamors

little update bc someone from my hometown wrote an article about her and these are some highlights:

and my personal favorite:

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nindabob

a quick step by step guide on what to do if you come back to your apartment and find yourself locked out because your front door is frozen shut

  1. kick the bottom of the door for 10 minutes
  2. text your landlord
  3. remember your landlord is on vacation and also in her mid 50′s so it takes about 36 hours to receive a response
  4. briefly wonder why the fuck you moved the canada
  5. remember that college tuition is significantly cheaper here than in the united states 
  6. look up and notice your cat is at the window, staring at you. he paws at the window lightly and meows. it’s devastating. his eyes are so big and imploring. decide that you have to get inside your apartment at all costs. not even god himself can stop you from feeding your cat his chicken wet food dinner. frida kahlo herself could descend from the heavens and ask “hey you wanna bang?” and you’d say “hell yeah but first let me open this door so i can feed my cat his dinner”
  7. remember there is a starbucks 3 blocks down the street from you
  8. enter. the barista gives you a weird look for entering a starbucks at 7pm on a tuesday
  9. order a venti cup of hot water. you order in french because the barista just said “bonjour” instead of “bonjour, hi.” you have a strong american accent. you hit the r in merci a little too hard to compensate. you embarrass yourself.
  10. exit the starbucks clutching the massive cup of hot water in your hands. it’s burning your fingers.
  11. return. methodically pour the starbucks cup of water all over the the door frame. it begins moving a little but still wont open
  12. back up
  13. ensure your doc martens are properly gripping the sheet of ice covering the ground. many people have told you to stop wearing doc martens in the winter, despite your protests that theyre actually the ideal winter boot. also, you’re a lesbian and punk’s not dead
  14. release a pterodactyl screech and sprint towards the door, slamming the full force of your pathetically tiny 5′2″ 110lb body into it
  15. you dont know any of your neighbors so you dont care about maintaining your pride anyways
  16. the door swings open
  17. run up the stairs
  18. open the actual door to your apartment and yell MOMMY’S HOME MY LITTLE BITCHASS BABY BOY DONT WORRY at your cat
  19. cat flings his body to the ground and starts purring like he does every time you come home
  20. write tumblr post
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reblogged
ellerywithablog
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neilnevins
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beeishappy

Armageddon is one of the few DVDs I didn’t sell because Ben Affleck on the commentary track is relentless. Below is the clip of the commentary from where this tidbit of trivia came from. Please take a moment to witness the magic.

this is so fucking funny

“aim the drill at the ground and turn it on”

#fave#videos
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gothicprep

honeymoon is an interesting term because an actual moon made of honey would imply space bees which is pretty horrifying

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reblogged
killing3r

god this feels like im being chased by a serial killer with a fucking boombox blaring this

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