I could go out and get it but
Watching from the sidelines and critiquing is much easier
The more I watch you, the wider the space grows between me and those things I was supposed to do
My brain is loaded on Wellbutrin, Tequila, and weed. My life is starting to match my mind: the never-ending hamster wheel.
Sometimes I feel like a lion in a hamster cage, but then I quell those feelings with weed
Writing for my tumblr audience way back when felt amazing, until I wasn’t getting no checks. And my hand got lost in all the saturation.
I come here when I want to run and hide and still be seen. This place has become a graveyard of thoughts and feelings
They need to put porn back on here
But, then again, no they dont.
I moved my bed to a space where we never slept, never had sex
I sleep in front of my altar. I do not masturbate in front of my altar
When I gave up porn, I masturbated to start my morning
Now that I’m back watching, I feel like I need it to go to sleep.
I fantasize about losing my job and prioritizing myself and making films and starting my YouTube channel and being inspired and still able to pay my rent
I can eat ramen and veggies, just let me keep my place, PLEASE
Fantasies. So selfish, no?