when i say “i hate men” im not talking about every individual man in the world, im talking about men as a social class, but if youre the kind of man that gets offended when i say i hate men then i do, specifically, hate you on an individual level

Jamie Lee Curtis recreates iconic angry photos of herself

I swing both ways ;)

Violently. With a bat. Come get some motherfuckers.

A glass that pushes cat off of counters

This is it. Peak humor

oh so when the newsies tap dance in a restaurant they’re “cool” and “talented” but when I do it I’m “making a scene” and “no longer welcome at olive garden”

I fell of my chair laughing 

Your top didn’t top you, you bottomed your top. Use language of empowerment sisters!

He didnt penetrate you. You engulfed him.

Girls in the bathroom at the bar:

I’m the girl giving the pep talk

My sis: What’s so funny about Nickelback? Why are you always laughing??

Me:

The Twilight zone

winge.fi

Jenny Slate photographed by © Stephanie Diani for Backstage Magazine (October 2018)

The only good article Cosmo has ever done