AS SAID BY GARRUS VAKARIAN, updated version  *  assorted dialogue from the mass effect trilogy, adjust as necessary

• i can't find any hard evidence.
• good luck, [name]. maybe they'll listen to you.
• i'm coming with you.
• sometimes it feels like the rules are only there to stop me from doing my work.
• i just couldn't take it anymore.
• maybe i can get the job done my way for a change.
• if you're wrong, we'll pay for it. but if you're right, and we did nothing, i think we'd regret it a whole lot more.
• i thought you were dead.
• it sure is good to see a friendly face.
• at least it's not hard to find criminals here. all i have to do is point my gun and shoot.
• my feelings got in the way of my better judgement.
• i'll make you a deal. you get me out of here alive, and i'll tell you the whole damn thing.
• nobody would give me a mirror. how bad is it?
• don't make me laugh, damn it.
• some women find facial scars attractive.
• i'm fit for duty whenever you need me.
• when i got to the meeting point, no one was there.
• kill you? no. but i don't mind slowing you down a little.
• what do you want from me, [name]?
• i know you want to talk about this... but i don't. not yet.
• it's so much easier to see the world in black and white. gray... i don't know what to do with gray.
• my instincts are what got me into this mess.
• never knew you had a weakness for men with scars.
• well, why the hell not? there's nobody in this galaxy i respect more than you.
• if we can figure out a way to make it work, then... yeah. definitely.
• you're about the only friend i've got left in this screwed-up galaxy.
• you don't ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. nervous, yes... but never uncomfortable.
• i brought wine.
• your hair looks... good. and your waist is... very supportive.
• hopefully that's not offensive in human culture.
• i want something to go right. just once.
• think you can win this thing, [name]?
• i'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns... and lots of them.
• so... is this the part where we shake hands?
• the scars are starting to fade. i remember they drove you wild.
• i've been doing some more research on human customs.
• glad to know my romantic skills made an impression.
• let's not go there.
• i can afford the good stuff.
• what about you? i'm starting to see some wear and tear.
• don't forget to come up for air. and not just because all these people need you. because i need you.
• if you're suggesting i'm scared... game on.
• still trying to make me blush, huh?
• i'd be lying if i said i didn't hope it would inspire a certain... mood.
• it seemed like you needed time to... figure us out.
• the worst part about the galaxy going to hell would've been never getting to see you again.
• not saying you don't know how to handle a gun. just saying some of us know how to make it dance.
• i've actually seen you dance. no comment.
• i know there are other things you're good at.
• probably not a lot of air in here. an hour if we're lucky.
• so tell me. think a girl would fall for that?
• it gets even better when you try it in bed.
• you don't lack for places to get lost.
• did we break anything last night?
• you'll find a way to win. and when this is over, i'll be waiting for you.
• if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there... meet me at the bar. i'm buying.
• forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you.
• come back alive. it'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you.
• we're in this 'til the end.
• we didn’t kill these people. and we’re going to shut down the bastards who did.
• looks like we’ve got a siege on our hand.
• if anyone needs fresh clips or a bathroom break, now’s the time.
• oh crap!
• guess he didn’t like the food.
• looks like we got the jump.
• pretty extreme, but those were desperate times.
• we won’t get a second chance.
• that was me, sorry.
• nothing like being stranded.
• we’ll do more than that.
• just the usual minor flesh wound.
• what would these people have done if we hadn’t shown up?
• i was there when you two had your thing, remember? just get a room and work it out.
• stay angry. we’ll need it to get through this.
• drinks will be on me.
• one of my favorite places to fight!
• i’m hard to kill. you should know that.
• it’s gonna be bad all over.
• for whatever it’s worth, i’m with you.
• you’ve waited long enough for this day.
• just wait ‘til this war is over.
• you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality.
• maybe you’d like to go work for them instead?
• how do i not have one of those?
• surprise on our side for once. i like it.
• brutal, but it makes a certain kind of sense.

• send me    ‘ you  shield  me ‘    for my muse to protect yours 

• ❛ I had no idea that children en masse could be gracious. ❜
• ❛ Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. And I can. ❜
• ❛ If [name] is alive, then it would–it could be a fairly…cataclysmic state of affairs. ❜
• ❛ The Earth is doomed. ❜
• ❛ Well, no. I wasn’t actually one of the original members of Pink Floyd. ❜
• ❛ Um, I understand that this sort of thing requires ice cream of some kind. ❜
• ❛ No vampires. Bunch of school kids in heavy mascara listening to extremely silly music. ❜
• ❛ But if it’s guilt you’re looking for, [name], I’m not your man. All you will get from me is my support. And my respect. ❜
• ❛ You should have told me he was alive. You didn’t. ❜
• ❛ I appreciate your thoughts on the matter, in fact I encourage you to always challenge me when you feel it’s appropriate. ❜
• ❛ Just have at it, would you? And stop fluttering about. ❜
• ❛ Splendid. Well, it’s ages since I’ve been to a gig. ❜
• ❛ Yes, let’s not jump to any conclusions. ❜
• ❛ A vampire isn’t a person at all. It may have the movements, the memories, even the personality of the person it took over, but it’s still a demon at the core. There is no halfway. ❜
• ❛ Have you actually ever heard of tact? ❜
• ❛ To hell with what’s right, I’m ready to back you up. ❜
• ❛ Congratulations, you’ve found me out. I’m a mod jogger. ❜
• ❛ Demons after money? Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin. No one has any standards any more! ❜
• ❛ And that would be the abridged version. ❜
• ❛ Yes, it was a gas leak, everyone. Just get some air, and a good night’s rest, you know, you’ll be fine. ❜
• ❛ That tickles. Ooh, oh, uh… oh, dear god. ❜
• ❛ I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression. ❜
• ❛ Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one’s teeth drilled. ❜
• ❛ He’s lying. Hit him! ❜
• ❛ What do you want me to say? ❜
• ❛ She lied to me? ❜
• ❛ I’ve been awake all night. I know I’m supposed to teach you self-reliance, but I can’t leave you out there to fight alone! ❜
• ❛ Mist… cemetery… Halloween. Should end well. ❜
• ❛ I don’t really know what to say. ❜
• ❛ Well, [name]’s clearly been abusing the magicks. ❜
• ❛ Yes. But then, I always thought so. ❜
• ❛ I honestly feel the largest part of it was instinct. Instinct and reflexes. ❜
• ❛ [name], what you said, it flies in the face of everything we’ve ever… every generation has ever done in the fight against evil. I think it’s bloody brilliant! ❜
• ❛ Since the picture you just painted means that I will never touch food of any kind again, you’ll just have to pick it up yourself. ❜
• ❛ I’m…I’m…I’m down with the new music. And I have the albums to prove it. ❜
• ❛ And then she and probably dozens of others are persecuted by a righteous mob. It’s happened all throughout history. It happened in Salem, not surprisingly. ❜
• ❛ To forgive is an act of compassion, [name]. It’s-it’s… it’s not done because people deserve it. It’s done because they need it. ❜
• ❛ You did well. Your performance as a disgruntled minion was spot on. ❜
• ❛ Yes. Thank you. Although your heroism is slightly muted by the fact that you were helping [name] to start a war that would kill us all. ❜
• ❛ You have the emotional maturity of a blueberry scone. ❜
• ❛ Power to the people? You sound like a child of the seventies. ❜
• ❛ You have no respect for me, or the job I perform. ❜
• ❛ I’m leaning towards blind panic myself. ❜
• ❛ How about the end of the world? ❜
• ❛ Ooh! Sounds like paranormal phenomena! ❜
• ❛ You would be amazed at how numbingly pompous and long-winded some of these people were. ❜
• ❛ She lives very much in the now, and well, history is very much about the then. ❜
• ❛ I just can’t help but wonder if… she would have been better off without me. ❜
• ❛ Of course! Well, it makes sense now. ❜
• ❛ Well, it would probably be good for his self-esteem. ❜
• ❛ You have no idea how much thrashing you is going to improve my day. ❜
• ❛ It’s rather poetic…in a maudlin sort of way. ❜
• ❛ Well, I’m a hair’s breadth from investigating bunnies at the moment, so I’m open to anything. ❜
• ❛ You should never be cowed by authority. Except, of course, in this instance when I am clearly right and you are clearly wrong. ❜
• ❛ Unfortunately he doesn’t know exactly what he wants. That’s-that’s the trouble. ❜
• ❛ Stay in character, remember your lines, and energy, energy, energy, especially in the musical numbers! ❜
• ❛ That was bracing.. ❜
• ❛ There are more important things than records right now. ❜
• ❛ Sorry to barge in. I’m afraid we have a slight apocalypse. ❜
• ❛ There’s a certain dramatic irony attached to all this. A synchronicity that borders on predestination, one might say. ❜
• ❛ I’m so very sorry. My contrition completely dwarfs the impending apocalypse. ❜
• ❛ Sometimes the most adult thing you can do is… ask for help when you need it. ❜
• ❛ There’s a sort of wary watchfulness I’ve developed over the years. It’s like another sense. ❜

“I am a [ man/woman/person ] and I reserve the right to be inconsistent!” “The mages had sought to usurp Heaven. But instead, they destroyed it.” “We speak only a few words prior to the Joining. But these words have been said since the first. [ name ], if you would?” “It’s just a curious description.” “[ name’s ] death was [ his / her / their ] own doing.” “Yep, lotta tension around here” “Gaze upon them now, but fear them not!” ”I have no wish to be placed upon a pedestal!” “I thought you looked familiar.” “Wait, you’re talking about an actual pike? Like a spear?” ”They don’t find that incredibly annoying?” “Ah, so you have finally decided to rejoin us, have you? Falling on your blade in grief seemed like too much trouble, I take it?” “Has anyone told you what marvelous eyes you possess, my dear?” “Were it not for [ his / her / their ] help, [ name ], I would not be here. I owe [ him / her / them ] my life.” “But those, who once called us heroes, have forgotten. We are few now, and our warnings have been ignored for too long. It may even be too late, for I have seen with my own eyes what lies upon the horizon. Maker help us all.” “Somebody’s been drinking.” “Might I offer you a bit of advice, my good friend [ name ]?” “Of course everything’s all right! Psht! Just give me one sodding moment.” “I’m terribly broken up over it.” “You’re surrounded by darkspawn corpses! What happened here?” “May the dirt taste good when I feed it to you.” “I’ve watched you and I do think you’d find some of my skills quite easy to pick up. Let’s just go over there, away from the others. For safety, yes? I expect there shall be daggers flying about willy-nilly for a time.” “There’s no fool like a drunken fool. So [ name ] told me, and ‘tis still true.” “Who are these people with you? They are obviously not simple travellers.” ”They are goddesses receiving their subjects, just as you should be. Whatever would be annoying about that?” “Truly? As you wish, though my advice is regarding something else completely.” “Should we not be fighting the [ enemy ] instead of each other?” “I hesitate to wonder” “Wait… What are you talking about?” “Well, I just wanted to report that I failed my mission.” “Ooh, I’ve outsmarted you! If I were more flexible I’d pat myself on the back!” “Obviously. What else would I be talking about?” “Did you kill [ name ]?” “Were you really locked up in that cage for twenty days?” “NONE OF YOU deserve a say in what happens here! None of you have spilled blood for this land the way I have! HOW DARE YOU JUDGE ME!” “Oh, lovely. Shall we next begin rescuing little kittens from trees?” ”But you deserve no less! You should be admired by painters, copied by sculptors, exalted by poets. Surely you know yours is a beauty so exotic, it-it would turn the eye of the Maker himself!” “They became a blight upon the lands, unstoppable and relentless.” “Before or after I stopped laughing?” “Is my being upset so hard to understand? Have you never lost someone important to you? Just what would you do if your [ family member ] died?” “Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten… and that one day, we shall join you.” “Right… very creepy. Forget I asked.” “Again with the flattery! Do you not tire from these pointless exercises?” “It may have been more like thirty days. I stopped counting after a while.” “It has been four centuries since that victory, and we have kept our vigil.”