i looked at queeringthemap today and had a good cry but these especially touched me

yeah.

WIZARD COUNCIL ANNOUNCEMENT: Please stop attaching knives to weather balloons and just letting them go

bottled feelings (1/?)

🌸🌻🍁❄️

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This is it. This is the bi experience.

me: i get back in bed

I can update my tinder bio with "fully vaccinated" now like I'm a rescue dog on an adoption website

just some BAAd sheep puns 

camp counselor cool dad figure percy loudly making increasingly stupid offerings at the dining hall so the new kids don’t feel awkward doing it as well and inadvertently starting a revolution where the gods get such absurd requests some of them even start happening and it’s a mess but he thinks it’s hilarious and lets it continue bc the idea of zeus fuming over a kid asking for a hoverboard in the brazier offering makes him (maybe not so) secretly smile

new kid: so do i just.

percy: yeah go on!

new kid: do i just. throw my food in and talk?

percy: yeah, pretty much

new kid: not gonna lie sounds kinda sketch

new kid: like do u blame me for not really getting it

percy: not at all

new kid: what would i even ask my godly parent for anyway… not like they care

percy, softening by like a hundred degrees:

percy, very very loudly: HELLO DAD YES TODAY I WOULD LIKE TO ASK YOU FOR THE HAPPINESS AND WELLBEING OF BABY SEALS. WHY? BECAUSE THEY’RE MY FRIENDS AND I LIKE THEM AND THEY ARE ALSO VERY CUTE. PLEASE MAKE SURE THEY’RE HAPPY THANK YOU

@transannabeth​ why would you leave this in the tags. poseidon is definitely in on it and “accidentally” leaks to percy which specific requests make the other gods angrier bc he thinks it’s hilarious and also loves to play favorites

There once was a man trying to make a point about the kitchen. "The sink!" He said "the sink is the single most important thing in the kitchen! It washes, it provides drinking water! It helps you prepare all of your meals and cleans your dishes for you after! The sink is the most important!"

"However," said a stranger coming through the crowd "you are forgetting about the countertop. It holds everything in the kitchen together. You prepare your food and serve your food ON the countertop. Even your prescious sink would have no where to be if it weren't for the countertop!"

The man was stunned. He wasn't prepared for a counterargument

I wrote this joke in a sleep deprived rage and its one of the best pieces of writing I have ever produced

‘’drakengard 3 was a bad game’’ ok but consider this

You need to turn the sound on.  For the dragon’s voice.

I never knew a single thing about drakengard. This is the first and only thing I have ever seen from a drakengard game. How can the rest ever live up to this.

Told @shinraco that she should code her discord bot to respond to all mentions of Fullmetal Alchemist by repeating “Fullmetal Alchemist” like the commercial breaks and she ended up having to shoot the bot dead just to stop what we’d created

the full saga….

let her speak!!

mymodernmet:

artist: Mahmoud Tammam

The spiritual successor to Miette

Might I also add

May i add the piece from artist Verbal Vomit

Glad to see we’re all in agreement that cats talk like disparaged victorian children

I am so incredibly glad we finally moved on from "i can has". Cats are clearly smart enough for advanced sentence structure and dumb enough to draw entirely incorrect conclusions about what they're talking about.

My cat, banging the cabnet door over and over and over: bang bang bang

Me: you will not earn what you desire by banging the cabinet door.

My cat: This is a test of wills, is it not? We shall see if your ability to put up with my incessant banging outlasts my eternal lust for snackie treats. Years of conditioning have hardened me for this purpose. bang bang bang

Me: ksst!

My cat, throwing herself to the ground like she's been shot: Oh! Oh I have been assailed in my own home! Have mercy, have pity! Surely in the cruel darkness of your heart there is some mote of goodness that might stay your hand! Do not strike me, I pray you!

Me: ok

My cat, after waiting about 3 minutes: bang bang bang

Can haz snackytreat

(source)

Source

This post is the most reblogged post of the year! Congratulations!

We did it Tommy!

Tommy!!!!! Tommy is the VIP!!!!!!

what a good morning!! im gonna draw a dog!!

apRIL FOOLS I DREW TWO DOGS THEY’RE BEST FRIENDS

the only good april fool’s joke

I think my favorite thing about being engaged is when I ask my fiancé “Who’s my future husband” kind of in the same way you’d ask a dog who’s a good boy and he gets really excited and goes “ITS ME, I AM FUTURE HUSBAND”

News update we’ve been married for almost 6 months now (6 months in three days) and he still gets excited when I come home and say “Where is husband?” He’ll pop up from wherever he is or whatever he’s doing and say “HELLO ITS ME I AM HERE”

Hey stop reblogging this post it was unknowingly plagiarized from a trans author who could really use the support

Additionally, heres a link to their book: Everyone On the Moon is Essential Personnel

I’m reading this book now! It’s great!

Buy the book from bookshop.org instead at the link below! Bookshop.org helps support local bookstores, and amazon wants to work us all to death for pennies.

Everyone on the Moon is Essential Personnel (bookshop.org)