I am deceased

slow burn fic

This is physically painful

Guy Fieri doesn’t exist

*takes wedding photos with a Nintendo DSi*

me in ikea: cööl, håvïng a gööd time

Oh

ok a giraffe but… horse sized with a mario character extending from the ass

What?!!!

true love doesn’t exi—

@wangsoso @hyukyeols

*villagers attacking monster in the woods*

villager 1: use your torches! it hates fire!

villager 2: oh you mean like every other goddamn living thing on the planet? think before you speak, Todd

like, genuine question, is 2016 the result of TOO MANY TIME TRAVELLERS coming back and trying to fix things but only breaking them even more???

This would explain a lot, actually.

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

안녕 - the first mini album

I actually hate being sappy like I’ll say “I missed you today” then immediately drag them to diffuse the situation

“Where were you today? I missed u. Thought ya lil ugly ass went and joined the soul circus”

FACT OF THE DAY:  the reason why you can’t dig a hole through the earth and come up on the other side is because your shovel would melt. that’s it.  that’s the only reason.

what if you bring a second shovel that you put in the fridge beforehand to make it cold

yeah that’ll work

One of the perks of getting older is getting to have a say in the family gossip