Please watch with sound omg

I hate you for this.

I lost it at the computer error.

This is the funniest shit I’ve ever seen.

This is fucking glorious

"COOL TH-"upon hearing the varied responses he quickly instead of pushing the chosen redead behind him with the haft of his spear. "Oh my it's a good thing there's no dead bodies near by, I'd feel horrible if there was a specific chosen undead that happened to trip and fall on a spear several times"

He started to shove the broken corpse with more gusto, making sure it was well out of sight. The armor had gotten stuck on something and with a quick turn he gave the body a furious kick, sending it flying. Also sending blood splattering along the wall. "Oops."

Let Tarkus take the wheel.

when u finish a game and the teams switch up and you have to fight your teammates from last match

me: [takes the chance to talk to someone and is ignored]

me: Pack it up, boys. We’re never trying that again.  

pros and cons of dating me:

pros:

cons:

When the dark souls music hits that soft chorus:

when that chorus goes into full opera mode:

Decided to reupload the 32x soundtrack to youtube completely uncompressed and unedited

Put it back.

Look at the fucking image. Then click/tap the song. Just do it I promise you won't regret it

@wanderer-among-undead

ornsteinoflondo:

It was, perhaps, the first time someone had withstood a direct hit from her magic. She hadn’t been aiming to kill him, of course, so the blast was weaker than what she was capable of. Still. His weapon was poised to impale her, her sword hand stopped by his.

And yet, she didn’t waver. Green eyes stared defiantly at the Dragonslayer as the goddess responded. “Good thing I am not one.” Muscles tensed as her sword arm pulled back against his grip, with strength he would expect from a giant - not his small opponent. Her goal was to pull him forward as she leaned back, twisting on her left leg for balance while swinging her right leg up to catch his ribs with a kick. 

Contact would be much the same - if contact was made - and was as though her form was supposedly much larger. Verit had crumpled the armor of lesser men, torn it apart as one would paper - though Ornstein’s was of much higher quality. Should he drive his spear forward, her scowl would deepen with pain, though once it was removed, it’d take but a moment for the injury to begin to knit itself back together.

Her fighting style was rough, unrefined and untrained with only mortal men to learn from and practice against, but there was potential there.

She was a wild animal, not that He didn't assume much. Barbarians aren't exactly known for their civility and refined fighting forms. He would teach this beast a lesson, in both civility and humility. The beast would be out down, but not out.

He was impressed, she was much stronger than he had anticipated. What he wasn't anticipating, however, was the kick that was coming for his ribs. Watching in slow motion the foot come up to clash with his ribs was something to be admired. She wished to fight on, despite his advantage.

He decided that the kick would hurt, both physically and damage his armor, and yet he felt like toying with the demihuman. A slight of the wrist, a short movement of the arm, and it would pass under his arm and make contact against a double slab of his armor. That should be able to sufficiently cushon the blow enough to make the kick weakened and possibly damage her foot.

As the foot made contact, he felt a few of his lower ribs crack and his armor barely withstand the punishment. The arm shaped shut like a bear trap, and he then pushed the arm forward, spear still in hand. He pressed the spear tip into her, and through her, til it emerged out the other side. Following her momentum, he fell forward, letting her momentum and his weight carry them both to the ground, where she would be impaled and stuck to the foundation of the area.

ornsteinoflondo:

“It is tradition.” The goddess growled as she stalked forward. He seemingly dropped his guard due to amusement, but it was clear she wasn’t dealing with an amateur. Her muscles were tense, ready to react to the slightest hostile movement as she pressed forward. “They who defeat the god-ruler aids in the creation of their heirs.”

Verit charged forward suddenly, thrusting forward again. She was too far away, however, easy enough for him to step back again. This time, Ornstein would find a spear of magic lancing towards him, thrown forward off her blade

“Anyone else is too weak.”

As the blade was thrust toward him, he noticed no crystalline bodies forming upon the top of the blade, yet expected what was to come. Extremely thankful at the lack of said Crystal, he decided to make a show of force.

He dashed, as quickly as he could, toward the imposter. Ever looming soul spear in his path, he decided it best to not waste the effort of going around it, but instead to go through it. As the souls crashed into his armor, he felt immense pain at first, followed by a lack of anything. He had taken soul spears before, and by stronger, more pure wizards, and this one was little different. Somewhere between excruciating pain to irritability almost immediately followed by nothingness.

He was upon the woman now, and held firm his defiance upon her jest at godhood. Off hand firmly grasping her sword hand, spear recoiled enough to just barely press against skin. He was not in pain from the magics, but it had definitely effected him as his breathing had sharpened and his posture was a little more lax. "Wizards don't fare well in close combat, do they?" he said, venom dripping from his words. He was about to break her, body and spirit.

ornsteinoflondo:

Magic flared up around the shield, reinforcing and protecting it from the initial blow. It mattered little anyways, she just needed to get past the threat range of his weapon. Shield angled to deflect the spear to one side, the barbarian goddess charged forward. 

Her sword, too, sparked with white power - almost undeniably divine in origin - as it was thrust towards his armor. While he was wearing metal, the goddess was protected by little more than leather and fabric. She’d need the edge her magic gave her to force him back.

“The one able to best me has the right to claim me. None have managed.” Verit explained between their exchanged attacks, though it was difficult to tell if she was bitter or relieved by that fact - probably a bit of both. The challenge had brought the best warriors to come attempt such a feat, and they had all been defeated.

The flash of magic on her weapons made him rethink this. No catalist, no incantations, and no casting time. This might be more fun than he initially thought.

The attempt at getting past his guard was laughable, as he would just as easily step back as she would step forward. He had been training with the master swordsman for eons, a small little whelp would prove no difficult task to defeat.

"Hearing her final words, though, made him take a few steps back and laugh, boastfully. "You're serious? Mortals, always keen on sins of the flesh." He lowered his guard, in feint, to try and draw her in. He continued to laugh, extremely amused at the thought of fighting for one's sexual pleasure.