I’m Pissed

I posted the original article Wednesday and here is the follow-up with reader comments. Something I have heard before from men AND women is that: "they're just harmless comments" or "you should be flattered" when people catcall/honk/harass/are lewd/grab your chest (it's happened). This is pervasive behavior, and it is NOT flattering. It's not about flattery. It's about power and turning women into objects - and it's disgusting.

A story that has stuck with me a long time is from a woman I traveled to Germany with in 2004. She was at a gas station in America, and a man kept bothering her as she filled her tank, I don't remember what was said, but she told him to leave her alone. She was 18. She went inside to pay, and when she came back out to her car, she was climbing in and he grabbed her by the hair to pull her out. He started calling her a "bitch" and was angry at her for being "rude" and he would "teach her a lesson." Luckily for her, she was a black belt in karate and her instincts took over. She broke free as he tried to hold her down in her own car. She proceeded to kick the shit out of him and left him there, unconscious, for the police. She got away, but what could've happened has happened to so many women. Another kicker in the story? There were other people around - other men, as it happens - and they did nothing. Nothing. Said nothing, did nothing. This is not uncommon. I want to say this again. This is NOT uncommon.

Women are taught to be polite when men are harassing us because THIS very thing happens. We never know who will be the one to touch us, hurt us, escalate the situation. I know almost every woman has a story like this - maybe they weren't grabbed by their hair and shoved into their own car, but maybe their breast was grabbed. (Me, at a bar. "He was just drunk, don't get mad.") Maybe someone grabbed their ass as they walked by. ("It's just a joke. Lighten up.") Maybe a guy cornered them by the bathroom at a bar and forced them to "just give me a hug, baby." Maybe a guy flashed them as they ran by on a trail. Maybe a guy held their hand as they tried to walk through a crowd and wouldn't let go, pulling her away from the safety of her friends. Maybe they've been followed as they walked down the street or ran down a path. Maybe they've been honked at and catcalled so many times they can't even keep track. (Literally every woman you know.) Maybe they realized that their runs are so much easier when they run with their boyfriend because they're not on high alert the entire time. It shouldn't be this way. Women shouldn't have to be the ones taking precautions to protect themselves.

I'm so proud of Runner's World to bringing to light the issue of street harassment. I want more people to talk about it and share their stories. The more awareness, the more people with power can feel empowered to step up and say that this isn't right. The more awareness, the more other people can come forward and tell their stories. (Yes, stories. Every woman you know has more than one and if they don't? They're lucky or they blocked it out.)

I'm a huge believer in openness (you can't tell from my Facebook posts recently, can you?) and I won't stop advocating for those without a voice. Maybe I sound like a broken record, but I don't care. I'm pissed and if you're not someone doing the catcalling, you should be pissed too. If you are someone doing the catcalling or the lewd gestures or assuming that women owe you the time of day, then you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror and reevaluate your behavior as human.

I shouldn't have to say this (because if you are a man who has never harassed women and an ally to women, you should feel comfortable enough with yourself to recognize these situations are pervasive and problematic but not your fault) but I will for the detractors - women know it's "not all men." However, our experiences say it is ALWAYS men who harass us and often. It shouldn't threaten you, as a decent man, for women to speak openly about their experiences. It's not fair to invalidate our experiences by defensively telling us it's not all men and maybe we shouldn't take it so personally.

If you are a man upset by these articles and these statements, step up when you hear "locker room talk." Call out that guy friend who loudly comments on the waitress' ass. Put a man in his place when he whistles at the girl walking by. Do something to be the ally you claim to be. At the very least, be understanding and open to hearing our stories. We aren't making it up. The data is there. Our experiences are real.

Me Without Twitter

Because Twitter has been down nearly all day, there’s a lot I’ve learned about myself in these past four hours - the first thing being that I had no idea how often I pick up my phone and open Twitter just to aimlessly scroll during my workday. No wonder it feels like nothing gets done. I’m on autopilot, reaching for the sweet satisfaction of news and comedy sound bites (Text bites? Word bites?) from people I follow. I don’t have to invest any time in a long article - that’s for chumps! Who has the time!* - but I can grab what I think I need to know and read in tiny 140 character clips.

*Me, because I’m always on Twitter

I’ve also had a number of random thoughts occur to me that I wanted to share with the world, but cannot. I realized I think in tweets sometimes - an embarrassing, yet hilarious realization. When I have a random thought, I could burden a friend with a text OR I can barrage my hundreds* of Twitter followers (who haven’t muted me yet due to my obsession with this f’ing election) with my thoughtfully crafted** tweet.

*hundreds...as in about 200.

**inane and probably whiny

Some things I’ve thought to tweet over the morning:

If I finally start a blog today, where will I share it without Twitter? HOW WILL I GET MY THOUGHTS TO THE PEOPLE?

You know - real hard-hitting, intelligent tweets. Also definitely follow a narrative.

As the hours ticked by without Twitter, I took a stab at writing some jokes to post to Instagram. I posted one that made the cut, but I’m ashamed at my inability to be a proper comedian so that shit is probably disappearing (or staying up to shame me into skipping comedy). Here were my attempts - SNL, don’t call me too quickly to join the show, I have a contract until January:

I think I have some things to work out between myself and local news stations. I’ll keep you posted.

Even as I write this, I have stopped to check if Twitter has reappeared no less than 5 times. I’ve only been writing this for 15 minutes. Sad!

Twitter is my solace from Facebook. From pyramid schemes. From stupid memes about how much women love wine and Netflix. (We all love it. Let’s not emphasize how stereotypical we all are.)  From the hundreds of babies. (No offense, babies. Your parents are just creating a large digital footprint for you before you even have a say and I’m not sure how I feel about that!) I don’t have to worry about people who never left my hometown getting into misspelled arguments on my posts over the things I say about Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. Twitter is basically heaven.

I started using Twitter in 2009 and did so anonymously - no one I knew followed me for years. I had a place to speak my mind, say super cringey stuff as evidenced by my Timehops from 3+ years ago, and a place to avoid censoring myself like I do on Facebook. I had a place to follow news sources, fellow runners, and smart comedians/writers/entertainers like Kelly Oxford and Molly McAleer. Twitter opened my eyes to topics and people from all over the world - something I would never have on Facebook. It also taught me to be more concise in my thoughts - maybe to a fault sometimes but also obviously didn’t change me completely, as evidenced by this post.

Though no longer completely anonymous, Twitter continues to be the digital space I fell in love with in 2009 and more. I’m inspired by the women I follow in LA (and beyond) who speak their mind, work hard at work worth doing, and write hilarious comedy. (My dream! I’m not that funny when I’m trying to be!) I’m also inspired by and thankful for Twitter friends (like Allison!) I have made over the years who share my love of Twitter, pop culture, politics (maybe out of necessity), running, and writing. Twitter has also made me more “woke,” as the kids say, and has introduced me to a new brand of hatred and misogyny I could have never imagined existed. It has also connected me in small but important ways to other people through writing and shared tragedy. Twitter is not perfect, but I love it just the same.

I feel like I’m giving Twitter a eulogy - and maybe if my “jokes” come true, it will be one - but I think the platform deserves a great ode. It has its problems, like all of us, and it has its benefits. I never would’ve became a distance runner without #runchat. I never would’ve been able to receive my first celebrity tweet from Judd Apatow in 2011 (v. important). I never would’ve connected to other interesting and brilliant humans I will never meet in person and would never have felt like I’m sharing in a small part of their life. They say that human connection is a basic human need that our brains crave, and I 100% believe that’s true. I need to connect with others, and Twitter allows me to do that everyday - no matter how vapid or unimportant it may seem on the outside. It also allows me to tame my rampant rage with tweet rants every once in awhile, which is beneficial for everyone I interact with in person.

Twitter, I need you and you need me. Come back soon, okay?