so, in today’s kiwi adventure, the venerable @homicidalheroine and myself detoured to this stone beach on our way back from a day trip to try rock-skipping. after walking down to the shore, however, we could see that it was super waves crashing up, Ocean is Happening, etc.
ofc pointy being pointy, they declared we should try it anyway, which resulted in us tossing one stone each at the waves to laughably little result and running away from the tide as it came up. only like, it kept coming further up and more quickly, which forced us to sort of keep on our toes to keep away from it, until it caught up to us.
so i look over at pointy and theyre standing where the tide has just washed away, looking down at the sand with this little ‘O’ mouth and then lifting up to give me this stricken expression and say, “the sea just ate both of my shoes.”
because SOMEhow the waves had managed to DECLAD both of pointy’s feet WHILE STANDING from pure force, and in like half a second of going ‘oh shit better back away my feet are wet,’ they were just *snaps fingers* gone.
now, being the noble sort of person i am, i couldnt have this. so I tuck my camera in my jacket pocket, roll up my metaphorical sleeves, and get into this Battle Crouch ready to fight the ocean when it next washes up with pointy’s shoes floating about in the tide. and i’m trying to skirt the edge hoping they’ll come up close to the water, but they just keep floating further out –– we can see both of them, cos they’re black and they float, so I’m just scouting and skittering back and forth going “THERE IT IS” “IM GONNA GET IT” “FUCK IT WENT AWAY AGAIN,” all the while with the water washing up further and harder still till its soaked my boots and up to my knees, at which point I just go basically, “Fuck it,” and CHARGE into the ocean after one shoe that i’ve caught a glimpse of so I can snatch it before it gets away.
so the wave is basically rushing up at me and i’m high tailing it so it doesn’t just overtake my entire electronics-laden person, when the shoe is skimmed up right over to my left. it’s so close but it’s just about to be pulled back into the sea. the other one is nowhere to be seen. i’ve got to get it while i can see it. so i fucking dive and end up tumbling into the water, drenching my entire lower half and hands and just BARELY managing to snatch it up in victory before the waves start coming up again. i hoist it over my head, “I GOT IT,” d r i p p i n g wet while pointy is clutching their face in empathetic horror at my pebble-filled shoes and drenched being, and trip over myself escaping the next tide.
only, while we’re celebrating our victory, the other fuckin shoe is just getting further away. i’m still skirting the waves, watching, almost dodging forward but pulling back because it’s just not getting closer. the waves are getting bigger and further back by the minute, but even though we can SEE the damn thing just out of reach it keeps on SKIMMING the tops of the waves like a goddamn pro surfer instead of being pulled in to crash onto shore like the other.
this lasts for probably longer than we should have kept hoping, until we literally can’t see the shoe anymore. which leaves us on the shore with one (1) sopping wet ballet flat in hand, me half drowned and walking on stones, pointy carefully trying to stand on a pebble beach with problematic arches and one foot already swollen, while the rescued footwear’s missing mate floats off to follow its pro surfing dreams.
we saluted the lost brethren, sent out a solemn ‘hang loose’ to the sea, and briefly became a four-legged creature hobbling back over round stones and driftwood to the car to return to the road in the end. that second shoe is still out there. so if anyone happens to come across a left black ballet flat, size 5, on the shore of your beach somewhere around the world, then cheers from new zealand and please know he was not abandoned in accordance with our will. but also, feel free to tell us hes arrived somewhere safely, and let us know how his surfing career goes.
anyway, i just wanted to give everyone a moment to join us in a moment of silence in memory of Pointy’s Left Shoe. hang loose, bro, and just keep floatin’ on.
