Person: What do you and your friends talk about online

He looks like a fleshlight

It would have cost you $0.00 to not say that and yet you did.

ladies in the days after halloween when halloween stores start to close you can get those black mouth blood capsules on sale which makes it much more cost effective to carry them behind your molars like cyanide capsules and bite them when men talk to you

*slams fist on table*

A cute girl should flirt with me right now

me realizing someone was hitting on me 3 years later

your heart is a muscle the size of a rat

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

Your brain’s about four times the size of a cat’s

SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS

Your lungs can hold 5.5 liters of air

The soles of your feet can never grow hair

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS

SPONGEBOB…

SQUAREPAAAAAAAANTS

*~deedlee-doot-dee-doot doo-oot~*

me and the girls on spring break

tattoo this on my flesh

I literally had a friend say this the other day while having dinner with him and his husband. 

“Listen.” He said. “I served in the military. 10 years in the army, and had to keep my mouth shut and pretend. I had to pretend to everyone, until I just got sick of it and decided fuck you all. I haven’t been nice in years. Everyone saying I should shut up can kiss my ass.” 

If people wanted nice gay people they should have been nicer to them. 

IF PEOPLE WANTED NICE GAY PEOPLE THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN NICER TO THEM

*has all possessions engraved with this*