imagine being literally any avatar in 2016 and hearing that grandma fuckoff who has been stopping your schemes for decades just vanished and her replacement is. some bitch who doesn’t even believe in ghosts. how the fuck was jane the first one to get on the archivist hazing train, is my point

all the other avatars on their way to bully the newbie once they realize the rumors are true and Gertrude’s finally beefed it

The commentary got me rollin!!! 😂😂😂

*Pause mid sentence to glance at the tire on the ground* “I don’t where the fuck that came from.”

i was playing pokemon blue on stream earlier at 350% speed and i got to thinking

what if the reason nobody in the pokemon world has any good teams is because its considered a dick move to have a proper team comp

like culturally everyone is like “haha pick the pokemon you want! if you’re happy with three geodudes, thats you and your life!” and then you’re supposed to just have a friendly battle with any other pokemon trainers and whatever pokemon they just happen to have

like the average trainer is probably just walking around with a growlithe because that’s their pet, or a hiker has three geodudes because the geodudes help him with hiking. and if this pet owner and geodude hiker meet, you’re supposed to have a friendly battle but nothing too serious

now imagine the 10 year old kid that has six pokeballs on their belt comes up. you’re like “haha, we’ll have a friendly battle!” and you throw out your geodude 

and they throw out a fucking gyarados, and it one-shots your geodude 

and then you throw out your pidgey you have because the pidgey helps you navigate mountains because you’re a hiker

and then electricity crackles around the gyarados and a thunderbolt flies off of this giant dragon and evaporates your pidgey 

so you’re down to your last pokemon. you tell them you’re gonna send out your bulbasaur. the ten year old is like “oh okay in that case i’m gonna pull out my vulpix.” like not only is this kid walking around with an amped-up super dragon, but theyve also got multiple pokemon specifically for making type advantage counter-picks?

this kid’s a fucking asshole! really, kid? what are you trying to prove here? this is a friendly match between strangers for fun! why are you composing real-ass competitive teams? what a fucker! 

i mean if you look at how npc’s talk about their pokemon, they’re service animals mostly. some of them are just pets. apparently they really enjoy sparring, so you let them battle other people’s pokemon for socialization, it’s like going to the dog park.

hell yes i’d be mad if i took my chronic pain support chow-chow to the dog park and some asshole with four rottweilers and a husky was like SIC EM THUNDERNUTS even if my dog enjoyed the tussle at first.

look, kid, the paras helps me weed the garden. it’s not a special forces attack paras. it’s just a bug that eats dandelions. please calm down.

Item: Cadbury Crab Eggs. Appear to be standard confectionery, but when eaten, a live and angry blue crab emerges, presumably attacking the eater.

open rp

any sluts out here want some tea? a fucking biscuit?

‘Tis I, Matthew Hopkins, infamous English witch-hunter, responsible for the deaths of between 230 and 400 people in the 17th century.

Excuse me, miss.  Are you, by chance… a witch?

a witch yeah yeah, anyway shit this tea has NO sugar and i forgot sugarcubes is that cool with you

Matthew Hopkins recoils in fear and disgust, for this is truly…

Y-yes, that will be fine.  As a Puritan, if I take tea at all, it is without sugar…

Seeming to have not alerted the witch, he chooses to take a subtle approach and coax the damning information out of her.

Now, pardon me for asking, but do you regularly hold council with imps and other such demons, perhaps meeting for tea and to blaspheme God?

look dude do you want a biscuit or not

Matthew Hopkins’ eyes darken in fear, and his face goes ghastly white.  The Witchfinder General has found a witch for whom he is no match.  She evades even his most cunning inquiries with ease, and the brazen air with which she admits her heresy shows she fears neither man nor God.  He cannot win, and defeated, he relents.

A biscuit would be lovely… Thank you.

bitchin

My cat discovered bubbles last night; she really likes them.

y’all gotta watch this

angery!

What true love looks like.

OKAY SO I had a coworker who was otherwise a standard clueless Straight White Guy, but this dude loved his wife and he knew her real good. And his wife LOVES shitty grocery store icing. So the first thing she’d always do with any cake is shove her fingers into the corner and scoop off whatever abomination of a flower was on there and eat it off her fingers. SO THIS DUDE GOES TO THE STORE AND HAS THEM MAKE A WHOLE CAKE OUT OF FROSTING Brings it home to his wife for her birthday She shoves her fingers into it and then they just keep going FROSTING ALL THE WAY DOWN He said the look on her face was the best thing he’d ever seen in his life It gives me hope that even a clueless Straight White Guy knew and loved his wife enough to give her the perfect birthday present cake frosting abomination

And I love to imagine the conversation he had to have with the grocery store bakery.

That’s disgusting, what a good husband

(screenshot taken from this tweet)

HOW TO DESTROY A USER BASE IN ONE EASY STEP

The lord giveth and the lord taketh it back now y’all. Two hops this time.

“You got an eviction notice, Ned?”

I’m real jazzed about TAZ: Amnesty and I’m a fan of Ned “Why use one word when you can use many many more” Chicane

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DM: *Describes any object or character with a bit too much detail.*

Players:

my hand slipped