judas was probably like "jesus has pulled off so many wacky things, he'll get out of this one lickity split, and i get three shiny coins out of it, too"

how to draw a capybara (tutorial)

who is telling men that having gray in their hair is ugly. why are they fucking lying

who is telling women that having gray in their hair is ugly!!!!!!! why are they fucking lying!!!!!!!

we stole america just to pave it over and abandon it

when im walking surrounded by empty cracked parking lots choked full of trash. every building empty, furniture piled high in the windows, yet homeless huddling outside them. rows of small businesses dark and vacant inside, homes collapsed for years and never moved. roadkill left to rot in the street. when im surrounded by this, im wondering how this spot looked under the last caretakers. and im wondering what was ever the goddamn point beyond money to the wealthy

There’s a serial killer in your town. Unfortunately for them you are a necromancer and you have fun driving that maniac insane.

@townofcan Why would leave this masterpiece in the notes

fucking love when bitches lie to me for fun. i just asked this dude about a scar on his chest (perfectly vertical, about 3 inches long) and he launched into this story about how it was an injury he’d gotten from a metal overhang on a boat in highschool and ended the story with “but actually i got heart surgery”

y’all wanna know something even better. the heart surgery part of the story was the lie. i asked him about it later and he went “oh yeah no, it really was from a boat, i just realized halfway through telling you the truth that i could lie and it would be really funny”

we’re dating now

maybe put yourself in the microwave?? are you fucking stupid? you have the mentality of a 9 years old and so everyone reblogging this shit. how can you ppl find this funny...wtf

the ants won't fuck you bro

world heritage post

Clit Jr... you seein' this shit?

Yea, peepaw! Isn't this a funny post? Peepaw?

Clit... go back inside... I need ta' have a word with this 'ere world heritage post fella...

what the fuck is this reply

vengabus sandstorm

wow that really sounds

wow that really sounds

i do have to hand it to him

system of a clown haha

and their hit song "chop silly" lol

getting ready to joust at hole depot :)

home depot* jesus christ

THE HOLE DEPOT

looked up my symptoms on webmd and it turns out i have an ancient ancestral curse that has been passed down my bloodline for generations

This is so funny to me