Twitter User: I wish I had more followers, then I’d be more likely to get verified.

Facebook User: I wish my posts reached further, then I’d get famous.

Instagram User: I wish I had more followers so I can unlock more basic features for my account.

TikTok User: I wish I had more views then I’d be a real influencer.

Tumbler User: I specifically didn’t tag this so no one would find it why does it have 200k notes? Who the hell are these people following me? All of you need to go away so I can go back to posting incomprehensible garbage and pictures of frogs.

Self-fulfilling prophecy

Oh no

Help

Here’s a picture of a blue poison dart frog.

WHY!?

Okay, lots of folks asking “INSTAGRAM DOES THAT!?”

And yes, it does:

Nice.

Kaeru the frog from Poco’s Udon World

Pain.

Forgotten by the world, but not by nature.

meirl

This callout was basically assault

Nooooo bro stop being able to recognize me by touch alone, by smell; that you would know me blind, by the way my breaths came and my feet struck the earth. That you would know me in death, at the end of the world you're gonna make the audience think we're gay haha...

lifehack: when you see a Take One candy bowl in a restaurant, wait until noones looking and shovel candy into your pockets. god may judge you but his sins outnumber your own

“God may judge you but his sins outnumber your own.” We really need to start collecting and sourcing these Potent Quotables.

I’ve been doing this for years

It’s all on a google doc of mine (x)

can you add this quote to the list? i feel it deserves a mention

When someone leaves your life, those exits… are… not made equal. Some are beautiful, and poetic, and satisfying. Others are… abrupt and unfair, but most are just unremarkable, unintentional, clumsy. ~Griffin Mcelroy

THE SPY KIDS QUOTE IS FROM SPY KIDS 2

So the Google doc no longer exists, does anyone else have one

You’re absolutely right

When you finish reading a really long fic and don’t know what to do with yourself

the legality of parodies is so funny. if you take a bit from someones work without their permission its illegal UNLESS you make fun of them

my entire life is an example of idiot plot

this is the best visual gag i've ever seen

Same energy

do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? or if their limbs were just slightly too long? or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed Something on the street and you just didn’t Notice It

stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!!!!

yknow what? not my point at all in any way whatsoever, but I’m glad I could be an inspiration

when we try to befriend cats we mimic their meows and get down on the ground to their level and try to gently coax them to interact with us right

that horrifying entity mimicking human noises at us maybe just thinks we’re cool and wants to pet us?

had to draw it

a few people pointed out that they probably wouldn’t understand what they were saying and just mimicking whatever sounds they happen to hear so I wanted to add this

i have to tell you something that will lower your entire opinion of me

when i was 12 i made flyers for my fanfiction and handed them out a train station

im blown away by the sheer confidence this act required. if anything my opinion has been raised. the poise. the fearlessness. the laughing in the face of death. i’m speechless