hey! i'm sorry if this is too personal, but i'm looking into a diagnosis for OCD and i'm... kind of terrified. both for the process of getting a diagnosis (especially as a minor) and what comes after - the therapy and medication and you know, living my life with it. do you have any advice for it?

OCD is the scariest thing I’ve ever faced in my life. Scarier than my depression, than my dad’s death, than being homeless, than getting surgeries done, all of it.

Unlike those other things, OCD was with me everywhere I went. Time didn’t make it better, and I no one could comfort me.

The thing is, that’s all from when I was undiagnosed and untreated. OCD is a disorder rooted at its very core in fear and uncertainty. So going it alone? It’s terrifying, heart-wrenching. 

But the wild thing is, you can recover. I think most people don’t realize that, because OCD is such a beast that once it’s ruled your life for so long, it’s nigh impossible to imagine any other version of living.

You need a good therapist who knows what they’re doing. I first started suffering from OCD symptoms when I was 14. I’m 26 now, and I only just started seeing a specialist this year. 

I’m not saying that to discourage you. I’m saying don’t give up, no matter how long the trek. OCD has been the ugliest part of my life, but now I’m starting to conquer it. I’ve seen people I love recover, and that’s what pushed me.

Check out IOCDF.org (International OCD Foundation). 

On their site they have guidelines to help you find an OCD therapist.

Among the questions I asked my potential therapists is whether they use ERP and whether they think medication is a possible treatment based on the individual patient (the answer to both should be yes).

ERP, or exposure response therapy, is the Only successful treatment for OCD. It’s a type of CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) that not many counselors are trained to use. (Now is a good time to find a counselor, because many are doing long-distance work on the phone because of covid!)

Because OCD is a disorder rooted in uncertainty, OCD patients get trapped into “reassurance loops,” also called “checking.”

We have a fear, we either continually tell ourselves it will be okay, or we ask for outside reassurance from family & friends. They tell us it will be okay too. Maybe we relax for a day, an hour, ten minutes. OCD is like the monster from Hercules; it just keeps growing new heads. The fear will transform, or you’ll start obsessing over something completely new.

So reassurance isn’t the answer. What is? Acceptance. Facing your intrusive thoughts head on. An OCD counselor will challenge you, one baby step at a time, to say to your intrusive thoughts “okay. Maybe that IS true. Maybe that bad thing IS going to happen. Maybe that bad thing about me IS real. Maybe I’m terrible. Maybe the world is ending,” etc. etc. Then you’ll experience your body’s panic response. Until your body gets tired of panicking and lets it go.

Over time, you’ll retrain your brain and body on how they respond to intrusive thoughts, until eventually, you don’t panic. Eventually, you can just start to let them go.

OCD is a disorder where the only way out is through.

I know it sounds terrifying, but trust me. Nothing can be scarier than living alone in your head with this disorder. You’re already DOING the scariest thing I can possibly imagine! I know you’re strong, and I know you’re brave, and I know you have what it takes to get better, because you’ve already been living your daily life facing a challenge greater than many people will ever face.

So for now? I’m not telling you not to be scared. Of course you’re scared. That’s the whole OCD deal. I’m just telling you to move forward trying to believe that you can get through this, even if it doesn’t all work out right away. Keep going. I’ve seen the light at the end of this tunnel, after years of feeling my way in the dark. You’ll get here too.

Go to IOCDF.org and check out the options for finding treatment and learning more about how OCD works (you can try out their OCD counselor map, but if there aren’t any options there for you, don’t worry. I found my therapist on google lol).

You’ve GOT this!!!